All comics by arbi

Profile

 

by arbi
7-31-04
our story begins
woof. hi dan
so that's an aardvark
hilarity ensues
go fish
got any threes, max?
mundanes get hostile
we were just playing
pervert

 

by arbi
7-31-04
what not to say
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
what not to say
.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
what not to say
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

 

by arbi
7-31-04
zeitgeist-videos.org
danny's den de-funk't
myspace.com
jimka
but wil i aint got no computer
silly krank.

 

by arbi
7-31-04
aardvark addresses convention
thank you, mike. testing, is this thing on? how long can an aardvark talk before they cut me off? ok, here's my story. these aren't comic strips, in the sense of ha ha funny. this is me, frustrated ar
a word from our sponsor
ahem. frustrated artist, as i was saying, looking 4a way to express myself, to a small in-group. maybe someday they'll make sense to others. if funny is what your looking for, try sinfest, ghastly's g
try sinfest, ghastly's ghastly comic, or tang
ghastly.keenspace.com: not work safe.
meanwhile, i'll be making rudimentaary mistakes trying to learn to use this thing. goodnight.
did somebody say 'Tang'?

 

by arbi
8-02-04
template
whenigrowup wigudonkey1-1. A duck walks into a bar
mike2-2, curtain3
sometimes you need to improvise a little
you call this a bar?
you call yourself a duck?
whatever you do, don't hit refresh before save
is the bar tender here?
we don't serve your kind.

 

by arbi
8-02-04
the clone panel button saves time and adds continutity
the clone panel button saves time and adds continuity
a comic can tell a continuing story, or set up a last panel punchline.
the clone panel button saves time and adds continuity
try not to hit save until you are really done.
product placement can help offset server fees
cloning is forbidden by the pope
so grow from seed kids. pot-tv.com

 

by arbi
8-02-04
cast: arbi, mike,
maybe this would be a good time to introduce our cast. arbi the arbitrary aardvark, mike, the tentacle monster robot
damn, he blew my cover
human arbi, dan, max
arbi's human alter ego, by day, a mentally ill civil rights crusading lawyer, who has delusions he's an aardvark. we don't know where he got the skirt and the purse.
sporan dammit! i mugged ian for it.
standing in for dan and max are these two gremlins who show up when we hit refresh before save. stay tuned for our next exciting episode!

 

by arbi
8-02-04
in which we continue to introduce our cast of several
let's see, dan, max, Duck, the talking dog...
Do i look like i can duck?
dan, our previous tech support guy, and max, the current one.
'Extra' works a lot of odd jobs, bartender, singing telegrams, pizza delivery...
we think he's feeding some kind of habit
Duck and Extra
so the gorilla says...
..not if whiskey costs $10 you don't.

 

by arbi
8-02-04
pen-pal and email contacts, usually offstage
other rarely seen characters include stick-lindy, arbi's ex, and the unix wizard, arbi's brother
jack and wilma, roommates
wilma is a lion tamer and author, and very cool
jack is a head shrinker, and author
krank and dixie

 

by arbi
8-02-04
there are about 6 other characters, mostly canadian, but threats of litigation prevent us from mentioning them at this time
xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx
. .
other characters tend to play themselves, or be introduced in context
why did the chicken attain enlightment?
ask heidi bond
they have no idea what lies ahead
now all we need i s a plot, some jokes, and a point of some sort.
it's all stream of consciousness creativity. by starting out badly, there's room to get better.

 

by arbi
8-03-04
Morning pages comics.
that's a challenge, to get up on stage every morning, do one comic, bow, and take a seat. think of it as a daily mediation, as urged in "the artist's way: uncovering and discovering the creative pro
..the creative process. This is a great book for blasting past writing blocks and getting stuff done. (luckily, nobody really knows we're here.)
The Artist's Way, on amazon.
anybody know how we enable links? does that html stuff work in here?
by letting creativity happen, serendity arrives, bearing gifts.
Sara N. Dipity
which frankly, can be distracting if you had real work that needs doing.
somebody order a pizza with extra termites?

 

by arbi
8-03-04
a word from our sponsor: fnord
This just in:
i knew we had a duck here somewhere
a word from our sponsor: sesquipedalian
monkeylaw.org will have new comics up soon.
chatter.monkeylaw.org, see caged monkeys fight to the last insult.
a word from our sponsor: word
party time
wootness

 

by arbi
8-04-04
brought to you by tang.keenspace.com
we were planning to cut and paste some text here, but it only takes the first line
a myspace bulliten from ALFie: WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO..7. Alfie-Dead Kennedys-"I Kill Children"
brought to you by www.ghastlycomic.con
crickets, rain on the roof, the whir of the fan. the best part about this dump is it's quiet, usually.
the pitter patter of tiny feet
brought to you by vark.blogspot.com
the dogs?
the roaches.

 

by arbi
8-04-04
www.shaun.la shaun writes:
For the second year in a row I am walking in AIDS WALK Los Angeles. https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=57875&lis=0&kntae57875=B4E21F648CCA47B9827834CA809FFD05&supId=11132399 .
www.shaun.la
shaun is one of our hottie myspace friends http://profiles.myspace.com/users/82475
as an experiment in memetic engineering, we are asking people to spread this meme, and track how it spreads
www.shaun.la www.fthevote.com
thus 1.shawn. 2. arbi. 3. your name, etc. stay tuned for more info. who knows where the meme ends up?
i walk for phil, from columbia missouri, 1965-1993. we used to go dancing.

 

by arbi
8-05-04
waking up is hard to do
i'm in a grouchy mood this morning. yesterwent went well, and i should be counting my blessings.
i met the block captain, got a lead on a job, bought the roach spray, found out i still had money in the bank
waking up is hard to do
but i got a ticket, found out my license was suspended, have a deadline looming, and my roommate left cigarette butts lying around, and has been eating my food.
'yesterwent'?
waking up is hard to do
i guess the way to deal with this is to make a daily task list, get some stuff done, and then i'll have earned the right to feel better
he sees a headshrinker tomorrow, if he remembers to go. it was tough finding one that works with aardvarks

 

by arbi
8-05-04
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/shohmyoh/242616
it turns out you can't clone the second panel. or delete a comic that, in retrospect, seems ill-advised.
or just ill
ooh flashbacks

 

by arbi
8-05-04
adventures in minimalism

 

by arbi
8-05-04
http://www.stripcreator.com/ comics/AccentuateNegative/
So far the daily task list seems to consist of coffee, donuts, webcomics, and telemarketer calls.
maybe you can pencil in, waste more time on myspace.com
i try to get in 1-2 hours work in between 6-7 hours goofing off online. that's on a good day.
as opposed to, say, get a job, discuss chores with roommate, pay bills, revise memo, make better to do list.
so, what's the progress report?
synthesis: i could do some online research for the memo, and skim a draft of the fees motion, and see if inspiration hits.
"ate a well-rounded breakfast, studied computer based animation technique, made three webcomics, discussed to do list items."
spin spin spin

 

by arbi
8-05-04
paranoia is knowing the govrnment really is out to get you
i was offline for a few hours. roommate is laid off and we have a single wire. all i did was organize some files, collect the bills i need to pay, look at the broken lawnmower and decide i didn't have
have the tools to fix it. i arranged to borrow one, and drank about 6 cups of coffee. that's been my day - typical.
that makes twice in 24 hours
then, a government agent called me and threatened more litigation. i suggested she rethink that, reminding her we've been through this 50 times, that i fought them to a standstill, but it drove me
crazy, which is why i'm currently disabled. i think she got the point, and backed off, but it upset me. profoundly.
that'll be the irony of tomorrow.
so tomorrow i go see the shrink, who works in a different department of the same agency that called with the threats.
my support group meet tonight cancelled - he had to work late at walmart.

 

by arbi
8-06-04
http://volokh.com/ archives/archive_2004_08_00.shtml#1091671484
3% of draftees in finland are rejected due to internet addiction, reports the volokh conspiracy, 6/5/04. "They get up at noon, surf the net all day, are unfit for service."
Sounds like creative passive resistance to me.
he puts the 'bed' in embedded systems
so what do you do all day?
wolfenstein, diablo-III, hack the pentagon, program droids, check my email, #vegan, #tux, alt.shenanigans,
creative draft resister since 1980
my name is arbi. i'm an internet addict.

 

by arbi
8-06-04
the daily wish list
pay bills. write memo 1, research memo 2, call finince office, 1:30 shrink appointment, 7:00 date, work on memo some more. walk the dog.
the more-likely-to-do list
make webcomics, check myspace, late to 1:30 appointment, get head shrunk, get stood up, spank the monkey.
stop monkey abuse. support the shac 7.
www.shac.net www.shacamerica.net welcome.to/shac
shac = stop huntingdon animal cruelty

 

by arbi
8-06-04
did list
did: got to shrink only 10 minutes late. researched memo 2. got stood up. went shopping. wasted time on myspace,
adding cute boy pics to friends list, added 100th friend. found job leads.
didn't list.
didn't: write memo one, get to bank, pay bills, find out why debit card doesn't work.
was disappointed, but not shocked, when coffee date didn't show. had to reenter this whole comic, but stuck with it.
trying to stay upbeat. yesterday my biggest accompishment was reading accentuatenegative. the first version of this comic had a punchline, but i mispaced it.
this means monday i have to do three separate tricky things...stress. did i mention i went shopping?
three items from list attempted, 3 positive developments, coped ok with one setback.. good day overall.

 

by arbi
8-07-04
in which we learn the img and href tags.
just sitting in while the author plays with the img tags.
in the next panel, you meet the arbitrary aardvark
http://i.myspace.com/94/40/2530449/13624569_s.gif
punchline would go here if we had one.

 

by arbi
8-07-04
something clever should go here,
well that didn't work. upon hitting save, the links and images disappeared.
really, don't you think?
poof!
* ponders *
homophobia won't help

 

by arbi
8-07-04
it's actually almost quiet. -i'm- the one freaking out. it's a pattern.
i'm on a deadline, and stressing, and every little thing bothers me. the insects. the roommate's friend who won't leave. the dogs.
generally, the vermin.
it's an 11th hour last ditch motion in a case i've already lost.
so what did i do all day, aside from the birthday party next door?
myspace mostly. and webcomics. and solitaire.
this used to happen every semester, and is why it took me 12 years to graduate.
stress avoidance, and last minute creative brilliance. it's when i do my best work, or crack up.
cracking up seeems more likely this round.

 

by arbi
8-07-04
it's actually almost quiet. -i'm- the one freaking out. it's a pattern.
i'm on a deadline, and stressing, and every little thing bothers me. the insects. the roommate's friend who won't leave. the dogs.
generally, the vermin.
it's an 11th hour last ditch motion in a case i've already lost.
so what did i do all day, aside from the birthday party next door?
myspace mostly. and webcomics. and solitaire.
this used to happen every semester, and is why it took me 12 years to graduate.
stress avoidance, and last minute creative brilliance. it's when i do my best work, or crack up.
cracking up seeems more likely this round.

 

by arbi
8-09-04
6:59 am on the last possible day to do the motion.
sunday, wasted doing internet chat, which was a lot of fun
hi chrissy!
so there was no webcomic yesterday
i'm still pretending i can get this in today, or that i can try.
had given up yesterday, but want to give it one more last desperate shot
stay tuned to watch arbi explode
tomorrow's strip will likely involve wallowing in despair over not getting it done
or cringing over some blantant typo if anything does get filed.

 

by arbi
8-09-04
in our last exciting episode, arbi had put off his homework until the morning it was due, and was stressing
blantant? that was -not- the punchline.
"or cringing over some blantant typo if anything does get filed."
it's done, in, over.
started at 7 finished by 2. filed by 3.
erk! one copy left to mail. brb.
arbi or not arbi, that's the question.
brb? be arbi? do i have a choice?

 

by arbi
8-09-04
strange voices appear in my dreams
http://tav.keenspace.com/ d/20040321.html
i get feedback
thanks for the compliment. you can check out my alter-ego choadwarrior too.
gasp! swoon!
too much termite pizza before bed
he puts the acc! in accentuate negative

 

by arbi
8-09-04
altar ego? what's that?
wait for it...
oh no. he's not going there?!
censored by FCC

 

by arbi
8-10-04
i'm generally not smart enough to understand most of the jokes -chrissy
so if -anybody- gets me, please let me know
at first this made me sad, i thought she was putting hirself down. but then i saw s/he was tactfully saying i'm really obscure and hard to follow
which is true. i'm misunderstood and imcomprehensible, and it leads to trouble, villagers, torches, pitchforks...
thanks sara! best 44th birthday present i've ever had.
you're such a cute little aardvark. -sara
i'm such a cute little aardvark

 

by arbi
8-10-04
it's like 'mary worth'...
i had one thing to do today, and i screwed it up. i was supposed to turn in one piece of paper and be at the shrink at 12:30
lost the piece of paper, and was 15 minutes late, so rescheduled for a week later.
there are no jokes...
turned out to be the same time as another shrink appointment.
spent 6 hours in the law library working on memo 2
and nothing ever happens.
i was typing up my notes, until roommate said, you can have the internet
so wasted the rest of the night on myspace.

 

by arbi
8-10-04
Arbi's birthday party, thursday, 7:18-9 pm, corner coffee, 11th and alabama
you're all invited.
Big announcement!
We're pretty sure no one will come. Maybe the walmart guy if he isn't working.
pick up your girft from me at www.craphound.com/down. it's probably a book.
No ice cream, no candles. might be muffins. we're buying the first round. spankings?
non-player characters welcome.
Last year? I wouldn't know. No, i skipped it last year.
How was it last year? you wouldn't??

 

by arbi
8-11-04
oops, forgot to hit 'clone panel'
today went better than yesterday. the lawyer liked memo 2. we think we can challenge the constitutionality of the statute his client is charged under
thus accomplishing both goals: earning the exhorbitant fee, and kicking the evil prosecutor in the teeth. that's like a simile.
they actually had jobs. and we got a wheaton magnet, and maybe a realtor.
then i went to a job fair sponsored by mcpaper, held at the murat shrine
convenient large building, or bizzare cult ritual site?
so not a bad day. but not much of a 44th birthday. tomorrow, coffee, and maybe gogoboys at the unicorn.
then i dumpsterdived some canned goods, and winter coats, and went to bed early
multitasking.

 

by arbi
8-13-04
report of the 3rd annual solispicists convention
yesterday for my birthday i found 2 computers, talked to my sister, went for coffee, went to see the gogoboys at the club
http://www.cornercoffeeindy.com/
i'd invited 100 myspace people to the coffee/party/3rd annual solipcists convention. i was 5 minutes late, and no one else showed.
he was pretty sure they wouldn't. enjoyed the coffee, and the customers were friendly, he was deemed a regular.
www.oaktree2.com/~unicorn??? i went to check it but got lost surfing.
mixed feelings at the club. some cute guys, and the newest dancer was both handsome and a good listener, friendly.
but it aint much fun since he quit drinking.

 

by arbi
8-14-04
golden gazpacho recipe. stolen from heidi bond, blog.qiken.org. a derivative work, blame me not her.
Golden Gazpacho 3 shallots 3 cloves real garlic a couple-3 zukes 2 very large yellowy-pinky heirloom tomatoes, very ripe. 1T good oil, or yak butter.
saute shallots then garlic then zukes then tomatoes.
reduce heat cover 5-10 minutes.
strain, using the right kind of sieve.
then chill, extremely
dude

 

by arbi
8-14-04
in which arbi tries to a build a "get your 'just a geek' here" booth in time for gencon.
i'm trying to set up as a franchisee at thinkgeek.com
the computer is being really slow, so after a reboot we're trying again
Wil Wheaton's "just a geek"
well that took awhile, but looks like we are just waiting a few days for them to approve the application
the 'just a geek' booth will be added to our vark.blogspot.com page, once functional.
coming soon to a blog near you. look for us at gencom, www.gencon.com
we hope

 

by arbi
8-14-04
yay
my roommate did the dishes. this is big progress.
usually he sleeps all day or games all day, as though he were depressed and engaging in avoidance behaviors.
collectively, we (6 of us) pulled the weeds int he front yard but couldn't get either mower working.
we wouldn't know anything about that
said the aardvark
the aardvark just spent an hour researching a fraudulent telemarketer, who interupted a blog post. we blog at http://vark.blogspot.com. that could be tomorrow's strip.
the one who's making webcomics instead of working on memo 2.

 

by arbi
8-14-04
the did list:
this week, we fixed my bike, got an electric heater for the bathtub, gifted an expresso machine, had a friend for coffee, did the dishes, hassled some telemarkers.
chris started her new job, ron's learning stuff at his chef classes, arbi's back on the lilly study, went 'shopping', made new myspace friends.
the didn't list:
didn't write back to my sister about the cat, didn't redraft the memo or catch up the blogs, didn't find the lilly folder, didn't...didn't remember that other thing.
didn't call about the job, didn't make it to the shrink, didn't pay or challenge the tickets, didn't post a better to do list on the fridge, didn't kill the bugs.
synthesis: a pretty good week. better than the average apartment 3-g strip's week.
didn't call the ex. did survive another week, didn't spend my last dollar, did a little writing.
it felt like progress.

 

by arbi
8-15-04
http://homepage.mac.com/johnsheppard/
small town punk, a novel, free online
it's gotten rave reviews from the guy who wrote a history of sid
http://www.rumored.com/jkonrath/friends.html jkonrath tells the story. it's long but tasty, and he has his own free books there.
sid was my roommate when i first moved to indy 10 years ago. 'sid lives' is the story of how he built an open source system to run the vms or was it vaxen at iu-bloomington.
and was crushed by the man.
i'm home alone depressed while the cool kids are in athens ohio for the anarchist tendency thingy.
sid and i were bisexual anarchist vegetarian geeks.
with nothing in common.

 

by arbi
8-15-04
http://forums.keenspace.com/viewtopic.php?t=59531 admiral versus the space pirates
"PIMPING!"
http://forums.keenspace.com/viewtopic.php?t=59531&sid=6f33c02b2492a289d6aba0dbcae1ff79
TAV: Cool, another character. Just don't add any space pirates.
"PIMPING!"
a day without tang is like a day without compact flourescent lighting
"PIMPING!"

 

by arbi
8-15-04
five dolla?
Tang Hoes
PIMPING!

 

by arbi
8-15-04
five dolla?
ole massa tang gonna beat ma ass iffen i don make him twenny dolla
tang hoes
for $20, tang will draw you and me in bed.
spare some change so i can get a cup of juicy tang?
"PIMPING!"
for a mere $30 love offering, tang won't draw you and the kid in bed

 

by arbi
8-16-04
Czeslaw Milosz, 1911-2004. R.I.P.
once upon a time, when i was discovering and becoming addicted to the internet, i met a young man called the stranger. if asked, he will deny it, plausibly.
that young man grew up to be a volokian conspirator, and a teacher of will baude, the meterosexual prodigy behind crescatsententia.org.
as time went on, i became a little stranger myself.
the stranger was a scholar, poet, and a guy who dug liberty the way i do.
it seems he may have gotten some of his ideas from this man, milosz.
the torch of liberty passes to new generations. the student has become the master.
one day i woke up and i'd turned into a pink furry critter
some sort of arbitrary aardvark

 

by arbi
8-16-04
order in the food court
i'm in the mood for hot spicy and cheap
Tang Ho! He's Pimpin'!! your logo here, twenny dolla
welcome to kentucky fried baby seals. may i take your order?
go vegan!
brought to you by www.shac.net and goveg.com
would you like some Tang with that?
supersize me, counter-culture boy

 

by arbi
8-16-04
my last real job, years ago, was as headwaiter at the snow lion, working for the dalai lama's nephew
welcome to Kentucky Fried Baby Seals! May I take your order?
well i was in the mood for something hot spicy and cheap. but i've changed my mind.
but it wasn't vegan, and i had a problem with a violent coworker, so i quit to concentrate on my civil liberties practice
welcome to Kentucky Fried Baby Seals! May I take your order?
I'd like a Big Yak, Seal on a Stick, Elephant Ears, and a large Tang.
the lack of public content and the structure of going into work every day, resulted into a slide into social isolation and loss of touch with reality
What do I look like? A Tang Ho?
your corporate logo here. reasonable rates. twenny dolla.

 

by arbi
8-16-04
Offer void where prohibited by law.
This 'comic' has come along way in a few weeks, so much so we are ready to turn pro. Here's the deal.
For $20 per month, you can run this strip in your newspaper, newletter, or website.
If you are a paying customer, we welcome your ideas for custom strips, but don't promise to make any.
Cancell anytime. Pay only for those months where you use at least one strip. Pick the ones you like best.
We don't promise to be funny, to make strips every day, or to own the rights to the characters. All proceeds from this strip go to arbi's legal defense fund, and may be tax deductible.
Not to be construed as legal advice. We charge $235/hr for that.
If you like our strip, ask us about the same deal with Tang, a much better strip, that really needs the money.
pimpin'!

 

by arbi
8-16-04
One of the key distinctions in this area has been between express advocacy and discussion of issues.
"Fuck George Bush",
would be protected speech under cohen v california or price v indiana
ACLU v. Heller this week suggested 318 is unconstitutional, and struck down a similar statute in nevada.
Don't "Vote for George Bush",
is express advocacy lacking a disclaimer, and violates FECA 318
Next week's exciting episode: stand by your ad.
I'm the arbitrary aardvark, and i approved this comic.

 

by arbi
8-16-04
did list.
researched heller file. washed dishes. emptied bucket. downloaded files for evaluation. checked thinkgeek registration. wrote ballot access news editor. planned party for myspace friend
pat and chris fixed the front gate. gave a friend gmail. gave away copies of small town punk. wrote smut. made webcomics. reseached gilmore v ashcroft.
didn't list
didn't get a job, bathe, call mom, take the clothes to the free store, leave the house, or have a life.
didn't find the medical study folder yet. didn't work on memo.
need to make a to do list for tomorrow. productive day, but just stumbling onto things, no plan.
spent day on silly plan to try to get back $450,000 stolen from casino by government agents
another fine mess.

 

by arbi
8-17-04
memo discussed cigarette butts, dogs, bugs. the little things that 'bug' me.
8-9 made to do list. 9-11 wrote roommate memo 11-1 wrote essay on casino heist.... 1-2 westlaw research found stewart v taylor. 2:30 comic.
each of those, the heist or the case, would be fodder for a strip or more
the mail came. a bill i can't pay from the zoning thugs, my bar card came, a threatening letter from the zoning thugs, junk mail from bar association.
i took out the trash, and and am about to take a bath.
depression comes and goes. the more i deal with personal stuff, the more it's depressing.
this one doesn't have a plot or running ironic commentary. i just need to make these sometimes to try to get my head together. there's no way to delete a strip unless one is a donor, and they don;'t
it's quiet again, or should i take a bath while the water's hot? better go for the bath, at the risk of losing spot on computer.
they don't take e-gold.com. e-gold.com, for those who don't leave home. the new currency for the telecommuter. that's www.e-gold.com

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