baconeater  

Waterman, I don't understand why you are keeping me prisoner here.

I thought you were a young boy when I met you on the internet. You misled me.

I'm sorry. I'll do anything if you let me go. And I mean anything.

OK, I'll let you go if you call up my parents and tell them that we had amazing sex.

OK, should we start taking our clothes off now.

NO, I just want you to tell my parents we had sex. They think I'm a little weird. If you call them they will KNOW I am not.