Great Pissing Matches in History Part 1

Author: four_legged_tripod

Date: April 12, 2019

March 31, 1909
My tally whacker is the biggest!
No, my tally whacker is bigger and I'll prove it!
There! This should prove that my tally whacker is the biggest!
Well, this sure is one big ship!
Does your big tally whacker have any bright ideas to get us out of this situation?