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| Tonight, on News at 11: President Bush signs a bill that allows cigarette companies to merge with Texas oil companies to cut down any trees they want | |
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| And scientists have discovered that by the year 2010, all major cities will be in ruins | |
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| And, this just in, breaking news here reports that Attorney General John Ashcroft has issued a $50 reward for any squirrel carcass brought to him. | |
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| Ok, where's the fricking remote? | |
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