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| Tonight, on News at 11: President Bush signs a bill that allows cigarette companys to merge with Texas oil companies to cut down any trees they want. | |
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| And scientists have discovered that by the year 2010, all major cities will be ruins | |
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| And now, breaking news, just in. John Ashcroft has issued a $50 reward for every squirrel carass brought to him. | |
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| Ok, Where's the frickin' remote? | |
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