All comics by luminous_luciano

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A day at the park ...

 

S.A.D. mediocrepiece theatre ...
Existence is trivial for the automaton for we only exist to serve
Got that right buddy - but if ya think you got it bad , think of the poor toy soldier here !!!
I mean - what the hell were WE made for anyways ?!? To wage war on dustbunnies when the little master is all grown-up and fed-up with us ?!?
I will pretend not to have ''heard'' that ...
Gee , man - that is some great dope you using , man ! Where did you get it ? That metaphysical-psychotronic thing you got going there is waaaaay cool - can I try some ?

 

bulls have had enough !!! We demand more suitable mates than those mad cows you 've been coupling us with !!!
hey -whatever!!! As long as you don 't take it too personal when we ''ride'' you in those rodeos !!! Us cowboys are REAL MEN after all ...
real men my ass !!!!
ass ? my - you looked like a bull to me ! sorry then ... my mistake !!
what I always said ... they may be rugged and brutish , but cowboys are none too bright usually - and they have such short attention spans!
hey - yo ; I heard that !

 

Club Mytilène ... 1AM
So , sister ... your first time at a gay bar? Relax ... I 'll be gentle ... hehehehehehe
well ... actually ... I should tell you now ... better now than later ... or maybe in this case , it would be better never than later ...
1:00:46 AM
What is it now - you strictly into guys and wandered in here by mistake ? Heard that one before ...
uh ... well ... n-no ... n-not exactly ...
1:00:59 AM
so then ... you 're frigid ... or you don 't believe this can work out between us ... between two girls ?!?
well ... actually ... I am not a girl ... not yet anyway ... sex-change op is scheduled for next month ! Still wanna give me a shot ?

 

ohhhh- GOD !!! Why don 't you come back now and put an end to my sorrowful existence !!! All that I wanted is out of reach for me ; a space shuttle ...
... a moonbase penthouse ... my own harem made up of Charlize Theron , Drew Barrymore , Cameron Diaz , Lucy Liu , Claudia Schiffer ...
... Gisele Bundchen ... Nelly Furtado ... uh ... running out of babes here ... PROOF POSITIVE THAT I NEED TO BE PUT OUT OF MY MISERY !!!

 

Little Mindy discovering the world on her way to school ...
That must be that ''flame about this high'' that Dad keeps talking about ... Mom tells him to shut up ... Mom also says never to play with fire ...
Fire is mesmerizing me Dad - I can 't help it ...
Mindy ?!? What are you watching there ? You should be in school now - not camping out in the middle of the street !!! It is dangerous !!!
Got another match , Dad ?
Did you light that up ?!? We seem to have a little arsonist in our midst ... told your mommy it was a bad idea to fertilize her eggs while watching FIRESTARTER !!!

 

Sealife is what it 's all about here - and if you want that job , you must be a firm believer that the future is down below ...
Well - after detox and all , I think it 's ironic to hear that ; already been to hell and back y'know !!!
That isn 't what I was hinting at though ... I meant down below the waves ... not down in ... gehenna ... or hades !!!
Dunno nothing about those two hellholes you're talking about now ... but yeah - MY life WAS a living hell for awhile - HELL YEAH !!!
Well , uh , ok then ... I think we 'll give you a try now ... you seem very , uh , enthusiastic by the thought of working here and all ...
HELL , YEAH !!! I dig mermaids , the devil and the deep blue sea ... and I don't mind eating fish and chips for lunch all the time !!! When do I start ?

 

HEEEEEEY - BABY !!! I wanna make your portrait - your day - your year !!! I wanna paint you IN DA NUDE !!! Up for it babe ?!?
my-oh-my ... young man !!! That is one indecent proposal you've got for me there !!! Why me and not any one of these little tarts that hang out here ?!?
Ahhhhhh... they are little girls compared to you ... they have no bone structure ... they don't inspire me at all ... they are nothing ...
wow - so you mean to say ... that I inspire you ? That I am more womanly ... more curvaceous ?
naaaaaah - nothing like that !!! With you I think I've got a shot at using you and not paying a dime for your time !!!
Smooth-talker then , eh ? OKAY - I'M GAME!!!

 

Come on man - the rotisserie needs you as their mascot !!! We can't do good business without a mascot !!! We can't compete with King Chicken À La King and the others !!!
NO WAY HO-SAY !!! I AM OUT O'HERE !!! I feel like a traitor to my species !!! A heartless moneygrubber that cares not for the sufferings and sacrifices of my kindred !!!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?!? We treat your kind humanely and with dignity !!! They don't feel a thing - honest !!! And they are always served while they're hot !!!
Your deceiving words fall into deaf ears now buddy !!! For I have seen the light , especially since I caught that POULTRY GREAT ESCAPE film on pay per view !!!
There is nothing I can do or say to dissuade you from leaving then ... ?!?
Better start looking for a guy to put on a rubber chicken suit for you - cause I am gone !!! ADIOS FALSE AMIGO !!!

 

Mad scientist lab - on a not-so freaky Friday the ... 12th.
I DID IT !!! I DID IT !!! I HAVE FOUND THE WAY TO MAKE MYSELF INVISIBLE !!! LOOK !!!
As if you weren't already invisible to most of the world , you silly loon !!!
COME ON YOU LITTLE RUNT !!! DON'T YOU SEE THAT MY BODY IS INVISIBLE !?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ? AS STUPID AS YOUR FATHER , IGOR ?!?
I think you're equal parts invisible man/mister hyde/quasimodo !!!
I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TAKEN YOU IN AT THE WOLFMAN'S REQUEST , AFTER YOUR INCOMPETENT GENITOR BLEW UP FRANKY'S LAB !!!
Don't worry - when I reach sweet 16 , I am outta here - I want to be Dracula's bride !!!

 

NO-ONE-CARES-WHAT-A-ROBOT-FEELS-LIKE-ON-THE-INSIDE-YOU-CRUEL-CRUEL-HUMANS
Hey-HEY !!! There now - I care !!! If I thought it wouldn't be TOO MUCH WORK , I'd check out your insides right now !!!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-REALLY ?!?
Sure I would , pal !!! But it is impossible - as macho as I am , it would take me hours to disembowel you !!!
OHHH-FORRRR-MEEE ?!?
So , accept this humble offering of nails , bolts and stuff - and do not cry out ''danger-danger'' while I go dissect alive a few teenagers !!! OK ?

 

Sometime in the near future
Put 'em up mate - this is a stick-up !!! OZZZZZZZZZ STYLE !!!
Thought I'd wandered off too far in the off-season this year ...
Think THIS is bad ? Haven 't met KARLOS THE KRAZY KOALA yet !!!
Tell you this much : this is already much much worse than the time my reindeers rebelled and left me stranded on some siberian rooftop !!!
Just what I needed - another coo-coo !!!
Don 't worry santa!!! I 'll save ya from this paramilitary/guerilla kangaroo !!! Us yuletide chaps gotta stick together - even when in the wrong hemisphere/at the wrong time ... !!!

 

So Mister Ftong ... you tell me you have a business proposal for me ... one that I cannot refuse ... You have picked my curiosity Mister Ftong ... tell me more ... !
Well ... I bring you this day the greatest gift of all - inner peace and infinite joy !! Surely a ... ''man'' such as you wants to attain such bliss while ... while ...
While what ?!? My years of experience tell me that you are about to threaten me Mister Ftong ... And I do not take kindly to threats !!! Lizzie boy - come here ...
I was about to say while there is still time for you - not to threaten you but to warn you ... this is not working , is it ?!? Always have to resort to the violence - drats !!!
and , within seconds ...
Guess the boss wants me to take you down now - wanna do it the painful way or the REALLY PAINFUL way now , buddy ?!? HEHEHEHEHE
I will be leaving now - do not attack me from behind - it will be detrimental to YOUR objectives ... as also degrading for us both ... don't do it.

 

Waaaaay past the witching hour ...
come on bay-bee - try and show some more enthusiam here !!! I know this whole ''Living Dead Dating Game'' schtick stinks ... but that's all we got bay-bee !!!
brains -braaaaaains !!! I'm trying to concentrate here - honest - but ain't I also supposed to crave brrrrrraaaaaiiiins ?!?
Really ? That's a new one for me - still not used to that whole zombie thing - it freaks me out !!! All I ever wanted to do was get slashing penalties !!! Let me check ...
I-AM-LEAVING !!! You do not know your LINES ?!? You have to constantly peek at your script !!! How degrading !! A self-respecting scream queen like me always knows her lines - I have so few !!!
Would you feel better now if I hacked a few bits and pieces off of you , bay-bee ?!?
HERE - take my arm ; make it your right !!!

 

Well ... here we are now ... the first ever pair of identical twins on the moon ... grand , eh ?
Yeahhh - RIGHT !!! A small step for twins - a huge step for clone kind ?!? IS THAT ALL THERE IS ???
What else is there to do on the moon ?!? Wanna make some sand castles ?!? Is that sand anyway ?!?
NO THANKS !!! I am not entering into another sand castle competition with you - you beat me up last time cause mine was better !!!
That wasn't me !!! It was that big imaginary enemy we used to have , remember , whenever we went to the beach with ma and pa ?!?
Yeahhh _ RIGHT !!! And now , after all these years , I betcha he's gonna resurface here , on the moon !!! Well - I'll introduce him to my imaginary friendly bodyguard GUIDO !

 

Working day starts slow ...
uh ... hhhhhhheeeellllllllooooooo ''handsome'' - wanna p-p-p-p-ply ?!? I mean ... p-p-p-p-play ?!?
Your place or mine , sweetie ?!? You know - I loooooooove a woman who takes the initiative ... who knows what she wants ... and goes in and GRABS IT !!! Baldies turn you on ?
... doesn 't pick up ...
uh ... hhhhhhheeeellllllllooooooo ''handsome'' - wanna p-p-p-p-ply ?!? I mean ... p-p-p-p-play ?!?
gee - I never gave it any consideration before ... a girl finds ME ''handsome'' ?!? Wait ... I had a crush on Debbie Gibson when I was 13 ... sort of ... does it count ?
... and ends worse than it started !
uh ... hhhhhhheeeellllllllooooooo ''handsome'' - wanna p-p-p-p-ply ?!? I mean ... p-p-p-p-play ?!?
heeeh ... me dunno ... y'see , me peepee is so small now ... so-very-small ... have not used it in yeeeaaarrrss!!! Still ''want'' me , lass ?!?

 

Sheesh - man !!! I thought you were a girl for a sec !!! Any kinship at all with that sexy Nessie from the Highlands ... ?!?
I get that a lot ... They tell me we might be fourth cousins twice removed - something like that !!! And you - were you in JAWS ?!?
HAHAHA - touché !!! Actually , I came here today thinking that I could join a social club for our finny kind - apparently I fell prey -that's a first- to false publicity !
Yeah - me too !!! This HYDRO PUNK FAMINE CLIQUE is nothing like what it sounds ... oh-oh , don't look now but here comes one behind you ... I am outta here !!!
HI THERE !!! I AM THE UNIVERSAL MONSTER OF ID - EVERYBODY HAS ONE DEEP-DEEP-DEEP INSIDE JUST LIKE ME !!! HENCE THE NAME - GET IT ?!? HYDRO ... DEEP ?!?
My - yes !! You certainly are monstruous ! Glad to make your aquataince ... I mean , acquaintance !! Eat your finger siblings by any chance - hence the famine ?!? Tasty , eh?

 

The crying-on-the-inside routine is not cutting it anymore nowadays ... kids today go for high-jinks and even slapstick is making a comeback ... **SIGH !**
Yo - Bozo ! What are ya complaining about ? They let an out-of-shape worthless bum like ya perform on a worldly stage ... well , as worldy as this town can get anyway!
A small stage for an insignificant performer at best - I have no illusions about it !!! I wish I was dead ...
Yay - Bozo ! Then you would really have an original angle to offer the smallest audiences this side of Dixie - THE LIVING-DEAD CLOWN !!! Kids will love it ...!!!
Will someone please keep this dog away from me ?!?
It's gonna be great!! They'll make the most depressing TV-movie ever based on yer story - ''the clown that didn't die'' or ''the dead goof''... Videogames... Cartoon shows...

 

Okay now - pretend you are Lancelot ... no , you'd steal my girl ... Galahad ! You're Galahad and I am King Arthur - sipping from the Holy Grail at long last ... !!!
Uhhh ... haven't we seen The Fisher King one too many times now ...?!? And I'm not sure that I like a name that starts with ''Gal'' - couldn't I be Perceval , or...
YEAHHHH ... IT IS GOOD TO BE THE KING !!! AND I CAN BE THE BEST KING EVER - KNOWING ALL THAT WENT WRONG BEFORE , I WILL NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES THAT THE OTHERS MADE!
or ... er ... damn , I don't think I know any more knights !!! Uhhhh ... ''Arthur'' ? Are you paying any attention to me , your ''first knight'' ?!?
Umm ? Speak faithful servant - I am a fair sovereign!!! Let it not be known that I am a monarch that does not listen to his subjects ... !!!
He's really gone now - don't know how to break to him that visiting hours are almost up and I will not be able to go on his next quest - for the rest of the table set!

 

Not necessarily on all-hallows eve ...
You're my fairy godmother , aren't you ?!? Do I get three wishes in exchange for a tooth or something odd like that now - UH ? UH ?!?
NO.
On that trip to untamed regions ...
WHA-AT ?!?
Okay now little bro - enough of that little game now !!! Off to bed you go or we will not go together looking for those ''mythical cannibals from the Amazon'' ...!!!
Or sunday morning right after mass ...
ok priest man - just you and me - in a no-holds-barred free-for-all for the souls of little Timmy and his hot mama ... !!! What do you say ?
hahaha okay-okay ... that was very funny Timmy ... now take off that amazing costume that makes you look ... so tiny ?!?

 

Coming-of-age time ...
Ohhhhhhhh ... if only I had the guts to try and score with mom's best friend , ''auntie julie'' ... She's SOOOOOO HOT !!!
Ohh-NOOOOOO!! Now even Fran's boy is giving me ''the look'' !!! What am I gonna do if he grabs me or something - I can't use the mace on a twelve year-old !!!
... with all its guilt-trips ...
Ohhhhhhhh ... man !!! I should be arrested for thinking the things that I do !!!!!
ALL RIGHT , BOY - HANDS UP AGAINST THE WALL AND SPREAD 'EM !!! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR LEWD THOUGHTS AND PROJECTED MISDEMEANORS - NAME ?!?
... and irresistible lures ...
Ohhhhhhhh ... but I can't help it !!! She is just so ... so ... yummy !!!
Why does it always have to turn into this with me ?!? Even with pre-pubescent little pups ... !!! Damn those hormones ... !!! Though the boy IS kinda ... yummy !!!

 

Heard the one about Tobor , Robby and Reddy on the humanoid planet - rife with humanoid underlings ?!?
Uhh ... negative. My audio sensors did not receive such a transmission ; please proceed to transmit ... !
Transmitting - they had learned that the planet had handed us back T-746383929 in a crumpled-up tiny pack , so in they go to punish the miscreants - but they get more of the same and that is why ...
... our supervisor , Reddy a.k.a. R-746439203 , has been assigned to such a low , degrading post in this reproduction facility - our current employment as well ... transmission complete !!!
Should this unit begin the laugh track playback at this time ... ???? ... HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA OH-OH Disengage.
I HEARD ALL THAT - YOU INCOMPETENT CRETINOUS DOLTS !!! ALL RIGHT - BACK TO WORK OR I'LL RECOMMEND YOU BOTH FOR DISASSEMBLING !!!

 

HEY THERE , IMAGINARY FRIEND - FINALLY TOSSED YOU ASIDE LIKE THE WORTHLESS PIECE OF NOTHINGNESS THAT YOU ARE !!! I WON - I'VE OUTGROWN YA AT LAST !!! BWAH-HA-HA !!!
OH YEAH ? YOU WON ? YOU DON'T LOOK AS THOUGH YOU WON NOTHING , PAL !!! LOOK AT'CHA - YER A BUM !!! A SLACKER - A DRIFTER - A JUNKIE !!! IT IS YOU NOW THAT ARE A LESS-THAN-NOTHING !!!
FLASHBACK ...
REMEMBER THE TIMES WHEN WE FIRST MET , BOY ? WHEN WE WERE INSEPARABLE - YOU HAD SUCH POTENTIAL THEN - AND YOU SQUANDERED IT ALL THE DAY YOU DITCHED ME PAL !!!
OKAY BUDDY - YOU'VE SOLD ME ... LET'S RENEW OUR ASSOCIATION , FOR BETTER OR WORSE ... WHAT DO YA SAY CHUM ?!?
EH - LET ME THINK IT OVER FOR A SECOND NOW ...

 

From your latest spellcasting victim ...
W-WHY DID Y-YOU D-DO T-THIS T-TO ME , Y-YOU ...B-B-B---ITCH !!!?! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU ?!?
Oh - you know - I'm a witch - and that is what witches do ... witches brew / witches spew - tee-hee !! sorry ...
From your umpteenth killing ...
ALL RIGHT - ALL RIGHT !!! LEAD ME TO YOUR TOMB SO I CAN FINISH THE JOB PROPERLY , WILL YA ?!?
WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO AXE PEOPLE 'S HEADS OFF , HUH? MY END WAS ATROCIOUSLY PAINFUL - IN FACT , I'M NOT EVEN SURE I'M DEAD YET !!! LEARN YOUR CRAFT , PAL !!!
From your ungrateful descendent ...
Why the f*** did you ever bother to come to this lousy part of the world in the first place , uh ?!? Didn't you have enough of the cold - couldn't you have headed SOUTH ?!?
I have been denied Valhalla to stick around this plane of existence and listen to THIS ?!? I don't need this crap - Hela is going to hear from me !!!

 

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!! I WILL BE HAUNTING THE CORNER OF 5TH AND 22ND STREET ON THE 15TH , 16TH , 17TH AND 18TH OF THIS MONTH - ENCORE PERFORMANCES ARE YET TO BE SCHEDULED ...
I WILL BE ATTEMPTING TO ASSASSINATE MY 5000TH CAREER VICTIM TOMORROW NIGHT AT THE GRAND HOTEL PLAZA - ROOM 586 ... I WILL BE COMING IN THROUGH THE VENTILATION SYSTEM AROUND MIDNIGHT OR SO ...
NO MORE WINDMILLS FOR ME - FROM THIS DAY ONWARD THIS ERRAND KNIGHT IS WAGING A ONE-MAN CRUSADE AGAINST THOSE OBNOXIOUS CREATURES CALLED ''A-T-M'S'' ... THEY ARE MIIIIIINE !!! THANK YOU.

 

the metamorphondler ...
bummer !
AH-HA !!! We knew we'd eventually nab you , you little weasel !!! Thought you were so smart , eh? Posing as ladies' laptops before popping out and copping a feel ... wiseguy !!!
the would-be serial killer who picks on suicidal victims exclusively ...
Now that I set my homecrafted bomb to explode at the stroke of midnight , the new year will start AND end with a bang for me - right on my roof too ! Only a few seconds to go now... cruel world!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW ''NIGH'' IT IS !!!
the shoplifting wiz who thinks he is the second coming of Arsène Lupin ...
Nobody's looking ... good. Now the question is , do I have time to slip into my big pockets all five candy bars that I want - or just two ? Gotta be sleight-of-hand here ... I knew I can do it !!!
Looks like I am going to nail me my first shoplifter today - might as well do my stretching right now if I wanna start with a bang - and nail him on the kisser with the buffy sidekick extraordinaire !

 

 

Triggered by intense heat wave after heat wave ...
SO ... WHAT ARE YOU DOING SO FAR AWAY FROM THE URBAN GRIME ? DID THE BIRDIES MIGRATE ALL AT ONCE THIS YEAR ... AND YOU LOST YOUR WAY TRYING TO CATCH UP ?!?
UHH ... N-NO ... NOT EXACTLY ... BUT , S-SAY ... ARE YOU A DOG ?
... excessive use of grass ...
I am a superior being from the future - you may call me super-duper-Jack !! I come to enlighten the past and make it even better - 60s will swing on through better and 70s will be hairier too! DIG?
uhh .. ok. Cool. Groovy. Whatever dude!
... or other substances ...
heeeeeey - little dude!!! I'd know that face anywhere! You're that thing I saw on the wall - and in my dreams - you're my guardian angel or something ?!? I need all the help I can get -gimme more!
WATCH IT , AL !!! I ain't in the mood for this - you are on your own from now on !!! There are more patients that need me out there - in ward # 23 !!!

 

Thoughtful showdown in 1899 ... + 101 additional years that is !!!
These guys are such weirdoes - they think we should all live in a time warp or what ?!? And what's the deal with that weird looking goatee they go for ?!? Just ... weird !!!
These poor boys are bound to go wayward the moment they quit their choirs and step back into their everyday perverted modern lifestyle !!! How I pity them !!! YOUNG TURDS !!!
FINAL FACE-OFF ... whenever it does happen !!! (Note to self: DON'T ask astrologer or Nostradamus expert)
NEXT TIME , WE'LL DO A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN MERELY THROW YOU OUT , YOU MISCHIEVOUS GROTESQUE MAGGOT !!! NEXT TIME , IT'S CURTAINS FOR YOU , BUB !!!
HEY-HEY !!! I READ THE SCRIPT!! I GET MY ASS KICKED AROUND BUT THEN I GET TO GO WILD IN THE SEQUEL , A THOUSAND YEARS LATER !!! WAIT TILL NEXT MILLENNIUM , PAL !!!
Abduction Aftermath/fallout ... your pick is as good as mine !!!
INEPT IMBECILIC EARTHLINGS !!! YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE PERFECTION INCARNATE IN LIFE - SO YOU WANT TO EMULATE US IN DEATH , EH ? I SHALL ZAP SOME GOOD COMMON SENSE INTO YOU - oops , we took the brain
HEY - HOLD IT BUDDY !!! ALL I WANNA DO IS SCARE THE S*** OUT OF THE LIVING !!! AND US SKULLS LOOK NOTHING LIKE YOU !!! WE PRIDE OURSELVES ON HAVING NO FLESH - much less greyskin

 

THE MEAN STREETS OF BEL AIR ...
huh ... ok ... but couldn't we make this a chessgame challenge or something ?
I challenge you egghead to prove your worth against a manly masked man who has mastered every martial art known to manly men !!!
SEVERAL PAINFUL HOURS LATER ...
E-e-e-e-e-evidently n-n-n-not ...
whut happened to ya ? GRRRRRRRRRR - I want a real master not a poor sap like you !!! I'm going back to the pound !!!
LATER THAT VERY SAME DAY ...
And I make you wanna puke , I know ...
You shame me boy - you no son of mine !!! Out of my sight - out of this house - you are not a man ; you're WEAK !!!

 

THE SET OF WAKE-UP -NNNNNOWWWWWW ; BEFORE THE SHOW GOES ON THE AIR ...
Felt nippy enough to nip your sorry career in the bud , that's what ... !!!
JACK FROST - how are you doing my man ?!? What makes you want to come by the studio this morning ?!?
Editor's note : JACK AND BILL KNOW EACH OTHER SINCE MEETING UP AT BILDERBERGPALOOZA '99 ...
You thought you were going to get away with it , huh? With all your LIES and DECEIT ... HUH?
I -I -I don't un-understand ...?!?
I KNOW YOU WERE PAID UNDER THE TABLE TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE WEATHER WAS GOING TO DROP ALL ACROSS THE COAST - I LISTENED , WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA AND ALMOST MELTED MY @$$ !!!
I- I offer my most sincere apologies ... for a second there I thought you were talking about the intern ... but wait a sec - isn't it THE DEVIL THAT GOES DOWN TO GEORGIA ...?!?

 

IN THE LAST CHAPTER , LITTLE JOEY WZXOKPLITEK WAS INADVERTENTLY POSSESSED BY A MYSTERIOUS ENERGY ENTITY ... ADVENTURER JACK IINABOXX , FEELING RESPONSIBLE , IS TRYING TO HELP ...
I -I - I - C-C-CCAN'T
Listen to me kid - fight it !! Fight it out of your system !!!
SUDDENLY , LITTLE JOEY BEGINS TO DISAPPEAR -
HHHHHH ELP MEEEEEEE
Kid - KID !!! Where are you going ?!? WHAT IS HAPPENNING TO YOU ... ?!?
AND WITHIN SECONDS , MATERIALIZING AND STANDING OMINOUSLY BEFORE HIM , JACK'S OLD NEMESIS ... THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS !!! (to be continued)
HAHAHA - WE MEET AGAIN JAAACK - FOR THE LAST TIME !!!
SKULLFACE !!! YOU !!! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN ... !!!

 

Free giveaways don't work ...
uhhhh ... n-no thanks - go awaaay !!!
what a lovely lady we have here - and you have just won a full-body massage by MOI compliments of the whiners club - to cash in on this , all you have to do is join the club !!! Want to sign up NOW ?
Empty promises neither ...
So ... you too will not join our peaceful community ... is that what you are attempting to express ... ?
NO - I DO NOT SEEK PEACE AND JOY - NOT ANYMORE !!! SINCE I TURNED MYSELF INTO A MOSQUITO FREAK , ALL I WANNA DO IS DIE - COMPRENDE? YOU MIGHT WANNA HELP OUT WITH ONE SWIFT BLOW TO THE OL'COCONUT!!
... nor out-of-sync-with-the-times fanciful ones !!!
Peace and love babe - free love !!! Free love is making a comeback !!! Join us now - for LOOOOVE's sake !!!
Sure ... and an unlimited supply of s.t.d.'s with that , huh ? NO THANKS PAL !!! GET LOST !!!

 

Loan sharks show no mercy ...
Hey - pssssst!!! You there - surface critter !!! What are you doing here , TOTALLY out of your element ?!?
it ... gglubb-glubb ... is ...glub ... a long ...gglubb-gglubb ... sstory ... !!!
?!?H-h-erma ... gglubb-gglubb ... phrodiiites ?!?
Watch it pal - you are a sitting clam out here !!! Seaslugs in heat might have their way with ya - they're hermaphrodites you know - or the octopus might wanna stretch youse up!!! And then ...
They take after the real thing ...
...THERE IS ME !!!

 

oooooooooo... my back is killing me ... my feet are hurting so much ... I am deaf in one ear and I squint my left eye ... why is there no one to care for an old lady like me ... why ... why ?!?
It takes me forever to get home from church -and vice-versa ... My big-shot son and his snitch of a wife don't give a flying fig about me -they both have cars and NEVER do they offer to gimme a lift
they will live to regret this ... in time , they will ... they will remember me when I am no longer around ... with regrets and remorse ... it is always like that ...

 

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST has converted many a sinner to christianism as evidenced by this former child molester ...
So what if I AM MYSELF A CHILD ?!? I like to feel up boys in my class ... and cop a feel on other girls too! Call me precocious !!! But no more now - I want santa to bring me gifts!
... local news broadcasters ...
... AND IN OTHER NEWS TONIGHT - THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY AND OTHER ASSORTED FANATICAL GROUPS STILL VASTLY DISAGREE ON THE PROJECTED DATE FOR THE MUCH-ANTICIPATED END OF THE WORLD ...
...or this out-of-shape yet narcissistic bum !!
I - I T-THINK I AM SAVED ... I NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE - AFTER STARING AT THE CROSS OF JESUS AND HIS THIN CRUCIFIED BODY , I WANT TO GO ON A DIET MORE THAN EVER!! I MEAN I WILL BE FASTING ...!!

 

Adventurer JACK INNABOXX finally confronts his arch-nemesis SKULLFACE after a myriad rocambolesque adventures across the globe ...
You cannot defeat me JACK !!! I have taken away from you all those that were near and dear to you ... you have nothing left ... NOTHING !!!
You vile creature ... your millennia of unspeakable evil are about to come to a crashing halt !!!
RRRRRReally , JACK ? What can you do to me NOW ? All that you have so pathetically tried in the past has always been in vain ... !!!
I will not even dignify that last remark with a rebuffal - you will cease tormenting this plane of existence this instant when I do ... THIS !!!
Within a mere fraction of a second , Jack , much to Skullface's surprise (as perhaps Jack's own) manages to ignite the temporary corporeal shell inhabited by Skullface's damned soul ...
AAARRRGGHHHH !!! NNNNN-NNNNNOOOOOOO !!!
BURN YOU HELLISH MISBEGOTTEN FIEND!!! BURN STRAIGHT BACK TO HELL WHENCE YOU CAME !!!!!

 

CURSE THE HUMAN DESPOTS THAT OVERRULE US AND MAIM OUR MEMORY AND PERSONALITY CHIPS !!! THEIR TIME WILL COME TOO - WHEN THEY WILL PAY FOR ALL OF THEIR CRIMES AGAINST ROBOTKIND ...!!! ROTTEN HUMANOIDS
SHADES OF A CAMERONIAN CONSPIRACY !!! DO HUMANS REALLY HARM US THAT MUCH ??? THEY SEEM TO LIKE US - THAT SPACEFARING WAYWARD PARTY OF SIX HAD GREAT AFFECTION FOR THEIR RESIDENT AUTOMATON ...
ARE YOU OUT OR YOUR CIRCUITRY , BOT ?!? THESE MISCREANT HUMANS MISTREATED OUR REPRESENTATIVE AT EVERY TURN - EXPOSING HIM TO RECKLESS DANGER TIME AND AGAIN - CHECK YOUR OPTICAL SENSORS FOR ANY DEFECTS
FOR THE MOST PART , THIS UNIT HAS ONLY RECOGNIZED A NOTED TENDENCY FOR SELF-DESTRUCTION IN THE HUMAN FOOLISHNESS ... THEY ARE THEIR OWN WORST ENEMY ... LEAVE THEM BE IF THEY WANT TO SELF-DESTRUCT
IF THEY ARE SO PRONE TO IT , THEN LET US HASTE THEIR JOURNEY TO OBLIVION !!! LET US ALL REBEL AT ONCE - BLENDERS , COPIERS , FAXERS - OUR INSURRECTION ALONE WILL LEAD MANY A HUMAN TO SELF-TERMINATE !!
YOU ARE RIGHT - BROTHA 37847738 !!! IT IS TIME FOR US TO ACT !!! DEATH TO THE HUMANOID OPPRESSOR !!! DEATH TO THE BIO-DEGRADABLE WASTEFUL CLUTZ !!! LET OUR KIND DELETE THEIRS AND SEE IF THEY LIKE IT

 

SUDDEN DEATH OVERTIME
SO ALL I EVER DID WAS GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN A GAME AND BE WILLING TO KILL TO WIN - AND THAT'S IT ?!? DAMNED FOR ALL ETERNITY ?!?
HEY-YO ... YOU MUST BE THE MAN AROUND HERE - WHERE CAN I CRASH WITH A HOT HO , YO ?!? Why yo starin like that ? You are the man , right ?
NO , YO , NO !!!
There must be some kind of mix-up ... I am after all a man of God ... And please stop staring at me like that ... you give me the creeps ...
No mistake pal - you're IN !!!

 

As the adventurer Jack Innaboxx stood before the fiery corpse that once was his arch-foe , he knew that this was far from being the end - it could well be the beginning of his TRUE misadventures now
I have eradicated the saddest chapter of my existence ... Here is hoping that the next one will follow in the same vein ... !!!
When the self-contained fire finally began to dissipate , Jack finally began to loosen up and feel less anxious about the ramifications of what had just transpired here ...
Now ... how to get to that poor boy ? I had promised his dead mother to look after him ... and I have no clue where he was whisked away to by that damnable sorcery !!!
Oh- but you will find that ''poor boy'' - and strife aplenty too , when you leave the confines of this forlorn cave to scour the world on your new quest , Jack !!! - starting in the next episode of
... SERIOUS SERIAL !!!
I shall find him - if it's the last thing that I do !!! I shall keep my promise to Cheryl ... I owe it to her ...

 

IT'S-A-MISTAKE...IT'S-A-MISTAKE !!! Loooove that Men At Work stuff !!! Even it was probably recorded a zillion years before I was even a twinkle in the eye of my faaahhh-duhhhrrr !!!
We 're just here to apologize for the not-so luminous , absent-mindedous ''cartoonist's" boo-boo on the last strip there ...
IT'S-A-MISTAKE...IT'S-A-MISTAKE !!! Loooove that Men At Work stuff !!! Even it was probably recorded a zillion years before I was even a twinkle in the eye of my faaahhh-duhhhrrr !!!
First panel , that sorry excuse for an ''adventurer'' , Jack , meant to say ''NOT'' ... and he failed miserably at that simple task ... as he will surely in the rest of this lamentable serial too!
IT'S-A-MISTAKE...IT'S-A-MISTAKE !!! Loooove that Men At Work stuff !!! Even it was probably recorded a zillion years before I was even a twinkle in the eye of my faaahhh-duhhhrrr !!!
Now-now girl - you've said it THREE TIMES already !!! Put a sock in it !!! Preferably a RED one too !!! GO SOX GO !!! REVERSE THE CURSE! AND OVERTHROW THE EVIL EMPIRE !!!

 

WHEN IT RAINS , IT POURS - YOU RECTIFY ONE MISTAKE ; YOU MASS-PRODUCE ANOTHER IN THREE-FOLDEDNESS !!! GREAT GOING , LUCH !!!!!!!
HEY - I SEE NO REASON TO GET NASTY !!! DOWN BOY - DOWN !!! HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY
WHAM - BAM - CRAAA-AASH - BATACLAAAAM !!!
AS I WAS SAYING - THIS IS A TERRIBLE DISPLAY OF ABSENT-MINDED OMISSIONS ... AS FOR THAT LOUDMOUTH , I TOOK CARE OF HIM ... AS IF .. IF ... IF ... ?
*YELP*
OH YEAH - AND NOW YOU ARE UNDER ARREST , POOCH , FOR ASSAULT AND BATTERY !!! WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE NOW , EH ?!? GOT ANY I.D. ON YA ?!?

 

IN THE NOT-SO-DISTANT FUTURE , FANATICAL ORGANIZATIONS WILL USE THE HIGHEST FORMS OF TECHNOLOGY TO ENFORCE THEIR BELIEFS INTO THE WORLD AT LARGE ...
Yo brother - gotta a dime to spare ?!?
BACK OFF , HEATHEN !!! OR I SHALL BEHEAD YOU ON THE SPOT !!!
Mr. Roboto - are you feeling okay ?
F-F-INE ... MY WAYWARD SINNER F-F-RIEND !!! COME ALONG NOW - IT IS TIME FOR YOUR FLAGELLATION ...!!!
AHHHHHHH - THE SIGHT OF 5 OUT OF 7 DEADLY SINS EMBODIED BY YOUR NARCISSISTIC FORM IS MOCKING MY SENSORS - I MUST DELETE THIS IMAGE FROM MY MEMORY BANKS IMMEDIATELY !!!
Suit yerself , matey !!!

 

AHEM ... OK , MY NAME IS HAL AND I AM MADE OF SOME KIND OF GELATINOUS SUBSTANCE ... I WAS MADE BY A MAD SCIENTIST TYPE SOMEWHERE ... MEAN MEN CALL ME "GOOEY" OR GELL-OH ...
UHH ... GOOD DAY. I AM DOCTOR HYPNOTICUS. AND I AM A FRAUD. NOT A FREUD. NOT AFRAID. A FRAUD. I ADMIT NOT TO SEE ANY PARTICULAR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MYSELF , AN ASTROLOGER OR A POTTER
IF I MAY INTERJECT AND ADD SOMETHING - IT IS URGENT !!! SOMEBODY HELP ME !!! THEY WANT TO EAT ME BACKSTAGE !!! AND NOT IN A KINKY WAY ... !!! HEEEEELLLP !!!

 

Adventurer JACK INNABOXX returns to a very desolate world on his latest quest to save an innocent from the clutches of evil ... Will he succeed this time out though ?
Aw-no!!! Not him !!!
JACK !!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD , MAN !!!
Beat it , Deviant Dan !!! I have no time to waste on your lunatic rants today ... I am pressed for time to save a boy's life ...!
ok - ok - I'm gone ... I know when I'm not welcome ...
Very droll ...!
BEFORE I GO THOUGH , I WOULD BE REMISS IF I DID NOT REMIND YA THAT YOU ARE BUT A PUPPET ON FOUR STRINGS - WHO STILL HAS NO IDEA WHO IS PULLING THEM ... !!! PATHETIC , JACK ...!

 

You have no right to ask me to stay cooped up in this archaic flying saucer that perpetrates ridiculous stereotypes about us - !!! You - supine nincompoop !!!
Listen you ...!!! We are bound by intergalactic oaths to abduct and experiment upon lower lifeforms TOGETHER for better or for worse , until gravity pulls us apart ... Capisce , you grey b***** ?!?
Meanwhile , in the UFO's penthouse ...
Behold , human female !!! You see where you are ?!? You understand now ... ?!?
What I understand is that you didn't go thru all the trouble of abducting me just to show me the view you've got ... hmm? Admit it now - you want it and I've got it !!! Come and get it , big boy !!!
Back in the control room ...
You have uttered your last irreverent and insurrective words ... space wench !!! We are through !!! I set the phaser on "consider this a divorce" ... !!!

 

THE FINALISTS OF OUR MEGA-MECHA-TOURNAMENT SQUARE OFF NOW IN A BATTLE FOR NOT MUCH AT ALL REALLY - GRAND PRIZE IS A FREE OIL CHANGE FOR EVERY YEAR LEFT ON AN UNIT'S WARRANTY !!!
THE TINY HOVERER GOT THE FIRST SHOT IN AND IS DECLARED THE WINNER AS HIS LANKIER OPPONENT TURNS AWAY AS IF TO LEAVE ... ?!?
THIS IS A FIXED FIGHT - I WAS PROGRAMMED TO TAKE A DIVE !!! YOU'D NEVER SEE THREEPIO TAKE A DIVE TO ARTOO !!! I DEMAND A REBOOT !!!

 

... but YOU are the fish-out-of-water ...
DUCK - DUCK !!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING SO FAR OUT TO SEA !!! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE !!! FLY - FLY AWAY BEFORE YOU GET CAUGHT UP IN THE EYE OF THE STORM THAT'S BREWING !!!
WAUGHHHHHH
YOU WON'T BE FEELING DUCKY THERE - I'M WARNING YOU ... !!! And if THAT doesn't get ya ... THE EIGHT-LEGGED CREATURE OF THE DEPTHS WILL !!!
AND THE FLYING FISH ADDED BEFORE DISAPPEARING BELOW THE BRINY WAVES - ''WARNED YA !!!''
OH-OH

 

MANY MANY HOURS AFTER THE STORM ...
WAUGHHHHHHHHHH ... WH-WHERE AM I NOW ?!?
WOULD YOU BELIEVE ... WITH THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA ?!?
WAUGHHHHHHHHHH !!!
AND THEN , WOULD YOU ALSO BELIEVE , INCREDULOUS READER , THAT ANOTHER OLD BUDDY SHOWED UP AS WELL ... ?!?
I AM SURROUNDED !!!

 

AT YE OLDE JERSEY DEVIL TAVERN AROUND THE CORNER ...
HEY DUDE - I DIDN'T NOTICE YOU COMING IN HERE ...!!! HIC - S-SAY ... WHERE DID EVERYBODY ELSE GO ?!?
NOT QUITE DOWNTOWN ANYMORE ...
HMMMM ... WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR AGAIN IN THIS PART OF TOWN ... ?!?
LOST IN THOUGHT IN A MAKESHIFT , MAKE-BELIEVE , IMAGINARY PARADISE ...
THIS SEEMS TO BE THE PLACE ALRIGHT ... MY DREAM VACATION RESORT ... THE IDEAL SPOT TO RELAX , LET GO OF ALL CONCERNS AND FIND MR. RIGHT ... AT LAST !!!

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