All comics by mrhouse1842

 

Manly Ass-Rinse by mrhouse1842 10-21-06
Hey dude, do you ever get that not-so-freash feeling, you know... DOWN THERE? Sure man, that's why I use Springtime Freash Manly Ass-Rinse! (TM)	Dude! You Duche!? WHAT'D YOU CALL ME!!!?	Fucker.

 

Low in Cholesterol by mrhouse1842 10-21-06
I would like a tunafish sandwhich. We don't sell that here. This is the Tropical Smoothie Cafe. We only sell meat from endangered species.	Why then is there chicken on your menu? It's fried in the blood of arctic seal pups. Super low in cholesterol.	I'm going to Wendy's Enjoy those hardened arteries sucker.

 

Fairy God Mother by mrhouse1842 10-22-06
Whatzit!? Magical Noises!!!	Who are you? Hey kid! I'm your fairy God mother, Brenda. I'm probably not much to look at and I think mostly of myself but I can buy you cigaretts and talk about STDs.	But I'm not a Christian and was never baptised so I can't have a God mother AAAAGH! DAMN YOUR LOGIC!!!

 

Commercials by mrhouse1842 10-22-06
Hey Check it out, I got season 2 of Star Trek TNG on DVD. Sweet!	Yeah, now we don't have to wait for Spike TV to run marathons, and no more commercials! If there's no commercials then when do we get to pee? When we change disks?	What would Geordi do? Two words. Adult diapers.

 

Cell Phones Ruin Everything by mrhouse1842 10-22-06
So many mysteries in the galaxy. It makes me wonder if there is life out there on other planets. must eat fuzzy tree bunny	Maybe some day we will be able to fly out amongst the stars and discover the true nature of life in the universe. dag my cell phone wring must hide fast	Did I just hear the theme song to "Small Wonder" ?

 

Modern Conversation by mrhouse1842 10-23-06
BLA BLA BLA Brad Pitt's Marriage BLA BLA BLA Kobe Bryant BLA BLA BLA 9-11...	BLA BLA BLA Miles Davis BLA BLA BLA Liberals BLA BLA BLA Paris Hilton...	BLA BLA BLA mad cow disease BLA BLA BLA Kofi Annan BLA BLA BLA Rachael Ray... Shit.

 

Fun Activity by mrhouse1842 11-02-06
Lets go to the mall. I hear they have some gnarly stores there. Naw, the mall is total crap. They just out to steal my money.	How about we dress up as pirates and run naked through the forrest looking for booty. How could we be dressed as pirates and be naked at the same time?	OK then smart guy, how about you come up with a fun activity. How about I take a crap on your face?

 

Old Chicken of the Sea by mrhouse1842 11-02-06
I'm sailing away. Set an open course for the virgin sea.	Cus I've got to be free. Free to face the life that's ahead of me.	On board I'm the captain, so clime aboard. We'll search for tomarrow on every shore... I don't know man, it sounds like Hemingway but with a hint of Melville.

 

Spelling by mrhouse1842 11-02-06
So you've been reading my comics huh? What do you think? I think they are pretty good despite the occasional spelling error. I mean come on, "Freash"?	What are you talking about? F-R-E-A-S-H, that spells fresh. Um, how about N-O I-T D-O-E-S-N-T bone head. It spells "Freash" whatever the fuck that is.	Yea well I've got the web site, and you don't. SO YOU WILL READ EVERY GOD DAMNED WORD I HAVE TO WRITE!!! Oh and you forgot the apostrophe in "doesn't" you chode. Quoting "The Wedding Singer" and picking apart my grammar only makes you look more pathetic.

 

Tenth Comic by mrhouse1842 11-03-06
Hey it's your tenth comic! We should celebrate or something! Yea we should round up some super hot women and go to da' club. It's to bad we don't know any.	Uh, what about your wife, doesn't she count? Heh heh. Dude, I said HOT women. Heh heh.	She's right behind me isn't she. ...must...rip off balls...through asshole...

 

Iceman's Revenge by mrhouse1842 11-07-06
Hey have you noticed that since "Top Gun" Tom Cruise has gotten more popular and Val Kilmer has gotten less popular? Yea, they should make a movie where Val kicks Tom's ass!	Would it still be about Navy jet pilots? Only if they're all kicking Tom Cruise's ass!	What would it be called? "Top Gun 2: Iceman's Revenge"? More like "Tom Cruise is an Asspussy... 2".

 

World Peace by mrhouse1842 11-11-06
Christmas is coming up. What are you hoping to get? World peace?	LAME! That doesn't count. It has to be something realistic. What kind of STUFF do you want? I don't know, I'm just not a materialistic person.	There must be SOMETHING you want besides the obligatory "world peace". World domination?

 

Rabies by mrhouse1842 11-12-06
Hey man you don’t look so good. You’re foaming at the mouth! Yea I got bit by a rabid raccoon a few days ago outside my apartment.	Holy shit! That’s fucking incredible! Yea seriously! I was like, “Hey what the hell is this raccoon doing in my exclusive, posh apartment complex!" It’s alright though, I got it checked out.	Oh, so it didn’t have rabies after all? No it did have rabies, but it turns out it’s a resident there. I mean if he pays membership dues and throws good parties who am I to criticize?

 

Mouthwash by mrhouse1842 11-20-06
Man your gums sure do look healthy. Yea I'm using this new mouthwash from my dentist. It’s stronger and cheaper than Listerine. My mouth is clean and I save money!	That’s a good deal. The only problem is that it tastes like puréed cockroaches and has a disconcerting ham aftertaste.	Gross! How do you cope with that? Afterward I rinse with Listerine.

 

Pixie Sticks by mrhouse1842 12-06-06
Yo man, what have you been up to? Livin life on the edge man, ON THE EDGE!!!	FAR OUT CUZ!!! What radical shit have you been putt’n down? Snort’n pixie sticks, watching old Power Rangers reruns, and listening to Vivaldi LPs with the revolutions cranked way up!	You are truly a pioneer of the ill lifestyle. My mom says one day she’ll let me leave the yard.

 

Figment by mrhouse1842 12-18-06
Man I'm really worried about this test I have tomorrow. Don't sweat it man, you'll do fine. I believe in you!	Well you shouldn't because I'm actually a figment of your imagination. So all those wild things we did while sloppy drunk I actually did by myself?	Actually you were stone sober for all of that. Makes my seem sort of, I don't know... crazy doesn't it?

 

Five Years Experience by mrhouse1842 12-19-06
I’m sorry but your resume shows that you have no experience. Plus we need you to be able to program in these 14 different languages. And make coffee. But this is supposed to be an entry level position!	Yea, we want you to enter with five years of experience. Plus “entry level” is just slang for “office bitch”. But I’ve spent the last five years taking classes and spending thousands of dollars for an education that was supposed to get me a good job.	What can I say? You’re a looser. Come back when you have some useful skills. Oh, my skills are vast. Let me demonstrate one of them…

 

Gold by mrhouse1842 2-23-07
Dude! I just got the best idea for a song! This should be good.	We should do a medley of old public service announcements while gargling sauerkraut on a Badalamentian synthpop background. I don’t want to sound negative about your idea, but you’re a douche bag.	I’m telling you man, this idea is worth its weight in gold!!! An idea is a conscious representation of some object or process of the external world, they have no weight.

 

What are you gonna pick? by mrhouse1842 10-22-08
Look, I realize what this looks like but I assure you it's not. You have your penis in a hot pocket.	Just because a man likes hot pockets doesn't make him gay! No one said anything about being gay.	They are warm and inviting and full of sausage, who could resist that? Aparently not your penis.

 

Food Love by mrhouse1842 10-22-08
Man I can't believe I got caught makeing sweet love to a hot pocket. Yeah you're a real wierdo. How did you not get fired.	The boss was surprisingly sympathetic. That's hard to believe. You must be a pretty valuable asset.	No, I have pictures of her getting jiggy with a box of frozen corndogs. What a tangled web we weave.

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