All comics by riffedguitarist

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by riffedguitarist
7-28-09
Mario, why do you constantly insist on saving the Princess? She's just going to get abducted by Bowser again...
I have no idea why I stick out my neck for her. She's always so demanding. You know what? Next time, she's on her own!
Really? No more adventures to save the Mushroom Kingdom?
Hell no!
Come to think of it, how did a plumber end up being the guardian of a whole kingdom anyway?
The sad truth is, I was the most qualified.

 

by riffedguitarist
9-11-09
Oh, hey Greg. Doing some home repairs?
Hey Riff. No, why? By the way, do you smell the sky burning?
Umm... no? Are you sure you don't need medical attention?
I'm pretty sure I can walk this one off, thanks. Now where's my unicorn taco?
On second thought, let's just get a picture to hang there instead.
Hang where?

 

by riffedguitarist
9-29-09
Hey, I know you! Tyler Durden, right?
Hey, what happened to the first rule, huh? What the hell, bro?
Look, sorry, but I thought that only applied to...
Don't say it. Don't you say...
What? Ocean's Eleven?
...Sure. Ocean's Eleven. Why not?

 

Riff Sells Out
Hey, kids! Ziggy the Cigarette says Suck on me!
Oh, we're going to get letters...
by riffedguitarist, 9-29-09

 

by riffedguitarist
10-04-09
Mr. Riff, based on your test results, I think you're going to have to get a rabies shot.
Wait, what? Why? How could I possibly have rabies?
Well, have you been bitten by a stray dog lately?
No, but I did play with a dog that had toothpaste in his mouth the other day. Does that count?
...I get paid no matter how I answer this question, right?
I thought he just forgot he was brushing his teeth!

 

by riffedguitarist
10-15-09
Greg, why won't my computer start up?
Oh, that's right, I forgot! I won!
Umm, won what?
That game on your computer! I got to the blue high score screen and put in my initials!
I've got to find new friends...
What?

 

by riffedguitarist
11-09-09
Hey Riff, what's up?
I found this website where you can make your own comics! I'm making one right now!
I didn't know you were funny. You have a snappy punchline to end the comic?
Wait, I need a punchline?

 

by riffedguitarist
11-17-09
It's 3 AM! What the hell do you want?
I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come! Fear Me!
Let me get this straight. You're from the future, but you're dead. Wouldn't you be non-existant, and therefore not be able to form shape, or cohesive thought?
Uh, well...Actually...umm...
I'm going to go back to sleep and give you some time to think about that.
Scrooge wasn't this demanding...

 

by riffedguitarist
11-24-09
I'm sick and tired of this stereotype that women have to be stick-thin! I think you've gone too far, Sophie!
Leave me alone! I want to be beautiful!
But you are beautiful! Don't tell me you were reading Cosmo again?
Sniff...I like the quizzes! Am I really beautiful?
Yes, now just come ou....OH MY DEAR SWEET LORD!
Am I a model yet?

 

by riffedguitarist
1-20-11
Hey Riff! It's been awhile! What have you been up to?
Up to? What are you talking about? We saw each other yesterday.
But... hasn't it, like, been a while? Since, you know, we've said or done anything?
Umm... no.
Do timelines run the same in our world as in the reader's?
Ha, you're crazy, funny lady.

 

by riffedguitarist
1-20-11
Josie explains...
What'd you mean the other day by 'our world and the reader's'?
Oh, I didn't tell you? I can break the fourth wall.
Wait, what? How's that possible?
I don't really know, I've just always had the ability.
Well... there's four walls here. Which one are you going to break?
I bet Deadpool doesn't have to deal with this...

 

by riffedguitarist
5-19-11
Josie Explains Again...
So you're seriously suggesting that our reality is so fragile that a single person can see through the fabric of time and space?
I've never put it that way, but yeah. That's basically it.
What purpose could that possibly serve?
Well, it mainly serves as a tool to point out the inconsistencies in the writing and make outside references.
Such as?
Your vast difference in intelligence from comic to comic. You're like Scott Pilgrim and Freidrich Nietzche all rolled into one!

 

by riffedguitarist
9-13-11
Put 'em up.
Are you serious? Am I getting held at gunpoint by a bunny?
I may be fluffy, but I can still pull a trigger.
But what would you even want from me? I don't have any carrots.
You won't have any f***in face either, if you don't cut the sh*t and give me your wallet.
You must be from that inner-city forest I heard about on the news...

 

by riffedguitarist
2-20-12
Hey Neil, what's with the sign?
With all the protests going on these days, I figured I'd get in on the action.
What are you involved with? The Occupy Movement? Protesting SOPA and ACTA?
I'm protesting for all those angry protesters to shut up.
You... don't see any irony in this?
Read the sign, tool.

 

by riffedguitarist
6-15-12
Hey Riff, how goes the search for a job?
Not so good. I've sent out a dozen applications, but no one wants to hire me.
What kind of jobs have you been applying for?
Oh, the usual. Coffee shops, book stores, cemeteries, retail...
Wait, cemeteries? Have you heard back from any?
Yeah, one said I'd be better off renting from them instead.

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