Many of you have probably gotten a Nigerian Scam e-mail at some point or another. One arrived in my inbox today, so I've decided to have a little fun with this person (using a different e-mail account).

Hopefully the correspondence will be entertaining. Here's how it began:

[i]
--------------------------------------
This message was sent by Express Direct Email Blaster V5.1,
you can download it from: http://www.fastbulkemail.com
Express Direct Email Blaster is a powerful email marketing tool!!
-------------------------------------

From :Dr. Alwyn du Preez

Dear Sir,

I am Dr Alwyn du Preez , Director of Project, South Africa Ministry of
Mining & Natural Resources. I am making this contact with you based on
the committee'sneed for an individual/company who is willing to assist
us with a solution to a money transfer. Firstand foremost, I apologize
using this medium to reach you for a transaction/business of this
magnitude, but this is due to Confidentiality and prompt access
reposed on this medium. In unfolding this proposal, I want to count on you,
as a respected and honest person to handle this transaction with
sincerity, trust and confidentiality.

I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the
execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all
parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the
nature of this transaction. Within the Ministry of Mining and
Natural resources where I work as Director of Project Implemention
andwith the cooperation of four other top officials, wehave in our
possession as overdue payment bills totaling Thirty Three Million,
Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$33,500,000.)
which we want to transfer abroad with the assistance and
cooperation of a foreign company/individual to receive the said
fund on our behalf or a reliable foreign non-company account to
receive such funds. More so, we are handicapped in the circumstances,
as the South Africa Civil Service Code of Conduct does not allow us
to operate offshore account hence your importance in the whole
transaction.This amount $33.5m represents the balance of the total
contract value executed on behalf of my Department by a foreign
contracting firm, which we the officials over-invoiced deliberately. Though the actual contract cost have been paid to the original
contractor, leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount
which we have in principles got the approval to remit by Key
Telegraphic Transfer(K.T.T) to any foreign bank account you
will provide by filing in an application through the Ministry of
Justice here in South Africa for the transfer of rights and privileges
of the former contractor to you.I have the authority of my partners
involved to propose that should you be willing to assist us in the
transaction, your share of the sum will be 10% of the $33.5 million,
70% for us and 5% for taxation and miscellaneous expenses and while
balance 5% will go to charity organisation.The business itself is
100%safe, on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy
and confidentiality.

Also your area of specialization is not a hindrance to the
successful execution of this transaction. I have reposed my
confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint me.
Endeavor to contact me immediately through my e-mail to confirm
whether or not you are interested in this deal. If you are not,
it will enable me scout for another foreign partner to carry out
this deal. I want to assure you that my partners and myself are
in a position to make the payment of this claim possible
provided you can give us a very strong Assurance and guarantee
that our share will be secured and please, remember to treat
this matter very confidential , because we will not comprehend
with any form of exposure as we are still in active Government
Service .

Once again, remember that time is of great essence in this transaction. I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Alwyn du Preez
[/i]

[b]
Dr. du Preez,

I am fascinated by your offer. However, I wonder if
you are really serious about dealing with me
personally. You used the "Express Direct Email
Blaster" to send me this message. I am hurt and
confused. Surely you didn't contact others as well? We
have barely begun our business relationship, and you
are already cheating on me? For shame!

If it weren't for the incredible reward you are
offering for my assistance, I think that I wouldn't
trust you. Luckily for you, I am a person of little
guile or intelligence. Plus, my cat Snuggles told me
that I should always trust a Doctor. After all, you
couldn't have a doctorate if you weren't a totally
intelligent and moral person. I think it was Snuggles
that said that. It might have been Satan.

I stand ready to assist you. Please send more details.

Have you met Nelson Mandela? I think he's so dashing!

Yours,

Jesus DeJesus
[/b]

More as it happens...

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Don't hold your breath. I sent them my account numbers months ago and I haven't heard anything.

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

[i]DEAR JESUS,

I ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL.HOWEVER,YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT
WHEN I WAS SEEKING FOR THIS ASSISTANCE IN QUESTION,I HAD NO PARTICULAR
PERSON IN MIND,IN ADDITION,YOU MUST ALSO COMPREHEND THAT MY SITUATION
IS VERY PRECARIOUS,HENCE I HAD TO USE THE BULK MAILER I USED.PLEASE DO
NOT BE ALARMED BY THIS.THE SOONER YOU AND I ARE ABLE TO AGREE TO PURSUE
THIS TRANSACTION TO A CONCLUSIVE END AND HAVE AN ESTABLISHED BUSINESS
RELATIONSHIP,I AGREE TO RESCIND FROM SENDING OUT ANY MORE MAILS AS I
REQUIRE AND CHERISH THE CONFIDENTIALITY MYSELF.AND BY THE WAY, I DO NOT
FEEL THAT I HAD ALREADY CHEATED YOU AS I AM NOT A DECEITFUL PERSON,I AM
DOING THIS FOR THE STRONG REASON THAT I WANT TO RETIRE AND SPEND THE
REMAINING PART OF MY LIFE PEACEFULLY WHILE MY INVESTMENTS SHOULD BE ABLE
TO YIELD ENOUGH TO CATER FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.

MR JESUS,TRUST ITSELF IS AN ELUSIVE PHENOMENA,BUT IT IS ONE YOU MUST
LEARN THAT YOU HAVE TO PART WITH WHEN YOU MUST DEAL WITH PEOPLE.I CAN
LEARN TO TRUST YOU AND YOU WITH ME OVER TIME AND FROM THE DEVELOPMENTS OF
THIS TRANSACTION.I WANT YOU TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER THIS VENTURE AND NOT
JUST THE REWARD ATTACHED TO IT.I HAVE MY OWN APPREHENSIONS,BUT WE MUST
FORGE AHEAD.I AM SURE GOD ALMIGHTY SHALL EVENTUALLY SEE US THROUGH.

HAVING SAID ALL THIS,I REQUIRE THAT YOU RENDER ME SOME TRUST-WORTHY
ASSISTANCE IN SECURING THE SAFETY AND INVESTMENTS OF THE FUNDS IN QUESTION
i.e $33.5 MILLION .YOU MUST ENSURE THAT YOU EXERCISE ULTIMATE CONTROL
OVER SUCH ACCOUNTS THAT YOU MAY WANT TO LODGE THE FUNDS INTO.YOU MUST
NOTE,HOWEVER,THAT YOU MAY HAVE TO SPLIT THE FUNDS INTO SMALLER AMOUNTS
THEN DISBURSE THEM INTO DIFFERENT ACCOUNTS.

BE INFORMED THAT BEFORE THIS PROCESS,WE SHALL HAVE FULLY INCORPORATED
AND REGISTER A LEGALLY EXISTING COMPANY FOR YOU HERE IN S.A. THIS IN
ITSELF IS TO GIVE YOU THE FUNCTIONAL ABILITY AND RIGHT TO WHICH ONLY THE
ORIGINAL CONTRACTOR WAS ENTITLED TO,THUS WE SHALL TRANSFER THE FUNDS TO
YOU AS IF YOU WERE THE CONTRACTOR.AT THIS POINT,I ASK THAT YOU SEND TO
ME YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION,I ALSO
REQUIRE YOUR FULL NAMES,ADDRESS AND COMPANY NAME IF YOU HAVE ANY,HENCE WE MAY
JUST INCORPORATE THE COMPANY HERE AS AN OFFSHORT OF THE MOTHER COMPANY.
AND WE MAY HAVE TO DEVISE A CODE SO THAT WHENEVER I CALL, YOU WILL KNOW
I AM THE ONE.I MUST ALSO INSIST THAT YOU HAVE A POWER OF ATTORNEY FROM
ME,ALBEIT,THIS WILL BE FOR YOU TO LEGITIMATELY DO ON MY BEHALF WHAT I
AM CAPABLE OF DOING. AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU TO SCAN AND SEND TO ME
YOUR PASSPORT,SO I CAN BE SURE OF YOUR IDENTITY.

BE INFORMED THAT WHEN YOU MAIL ME CC ME AT drdupreez55@ziplip.com THIS
IS A VERY SECURED SITE AND THE DOCUMENT I SHALL BE SENDING TO YOU SOON
SHALL BE THROUGH THIS MAIL ACCOUNT.I SHALL HAVE SENT YOU THE PASSWORD
TO USE IN ACCESSING THE MAIL CONTENT.THIS WILL ENABLE YOU AND I TO
TRANSACT OUR BUSINESS QUITELY AND CONFIDENTIALLY.I STILL WANT TO REMIND
YOU,JESUS,THAT CONFIDENTIALITY AND SECRECY ARE THE CARDINAL POLES OF THIS
TRANSACTION,AS I AM STILL IN ACTIVE CIVIL SERVICE AND I CANNOT RISK TO
PUT THIS FUNDS IN ANY JEOPARDY AND DANGER.I KNOW THE LORD GOD SHALL
SURELY SEE US THROUGH,AMEN.

WE MAY SOON EXCHANGE A MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTADING AND AGREEMENT IF WE
ARE ABLE TO ARRIVE AT A SOUNDING COMPROMISE.AND I AM SURE SOMEDAY WE
SHALL TOAST TO A SUCCESSFUL ACHIEVEMENT OF THIS VENTURE.

OH! YES,I HAVE SEEN NELSON MANDELA.HE REMAINS A MEEK AND HUMBLE
FELLOW.I AM SURE WE MAY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO PAY THE PAN-AFRICANIST A VISIT
SOMEDAY TOO.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU.DO HAVE A PLEASANT DAY.

REGARDS.

DR ALWYN du PREEZ
[/i]

[b]
Of course, I am sure that you are honest. I was only
being cautious. You certainly have a lot of e-mail
addresses! You must be VERY important!

You sound like quite an attractive and spiritual man.
Are you perhaps a follower of Baba Christ? You sound
like someone with a deep spiritual intellect. If not,
I would be happy to send you some literature. I'm sure
you will find our rituals quite invigorating,
especially the Orgy of the Saints. Oh, how we've
longed to have a strong black man to particpate!

Perhaps a few of my fellow Baba Christ worshipers
could come and visit you? I'm sure we could convince
you of the true path.

Be that as it may, I am always ready to help a friend
in need, especially a strong, husky doctor. I had a
dream about you last night. Well, you, Nelson Mandela,
and a can of okra. You and Nelson were fighting over
which of you would get to feed me the okra by hand.
Afterward, we read Bible verses... Jeremiah 19:9, I
think. It makes me tingly just thinking about it!

My phone number is 415-281-0767. My fax number is
415-558-9044

My address is:

Jesus DeJesus
537 Jones St. No. 8418
San Francisco, CA 94102

I look forward to hearing from you.

- Jesus
[/b]

FYI, the phone number and address are for NAMBLA. The fax is for a gay theatre group.

Jeremiah 19:9 reads:

"And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend in the siege and straitness, wherewith their enemies, and they that seek their lives, shall straiten them."

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

You, Fuzzy... are da Jesus!

Nobody fucks with the Jesus!

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Nobody fucked with his mother I've heard.

---
Batman created by Bob Kane

Well, except God. He came down as an eagle and did her good.

Oh, wait, that was another mythological figure.

---
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

[i]From: David Nkroma [mailto:d246n_824_1@lycos.com]
Sent: Wednesday, August 14, 2002 4:05 PM
To: sheltonguy@yahoo.com
Subject: Please Assist Me

Tel:31-613777023
CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
You may be surprised to receive this letter from me
since you do not know me personally. The purpose of my
introduction is that I am David Nkroma the first son
of Tema Nkroma , a farmer in Zimbabwe who was
recently murdered in the land dispute in my country. I
got your contact through network online hence decided
to write you.
Before the death of my father, he had taken me to
Johannesburg to deposit the sum of US8.5 million
(Eight million, Five Hundred thousand United States
dollars), in one of the private security company, as
he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe this money
was deposited in a box as gem stones to avoid much
demurrage from security company. This amount was meant
for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for the
Farms and establishment of new farms in Swaziland.
This land problem came when Zimbabwean President
Mr.Robert Mugabe introduced a new Land Act Reform
wholly affecting the rich white farmers and some few
black farmers, and this resulted to the killing and
mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans and some
lunatics in the
society. In fact a lot of people were killed because
of this Land reform Act for which my father was one of
the victims.
It is against this background that, I and my family
fled Zimbabwe for fear of our lives and are currently
staying in the Netherlands where we are seeking
political asylum and moreso have decided to transfer
my father's money to a more reliable foreign account.
since the law of Netherlands prohibits a refugee
(asylum seeker) to open any bank account or to be
involved in any financial transaction throughout the
territorial zone of Netherlands, As the eldest son
of my father, I am saddled with the responsibility of
seeking a genuine foreign account where this money
could be transferred without the knowledge of my
government who are bent on taking everything we have
got. The South African government seems to be playing
along with them.
I am faced with the dilemma of moving this amount of
money out of South Africa for fear of going through
the same experience in future, both countries have
similar political history. As a businessman,I am
seeking for a partner who I have to entrust my future
and that of my family in his hands, I must let you
know that this transaction is risk free. If you accept
to assist me and my family, all I want you to do for
me, is to make an arrangements with the security
company to clear the consignment(funds) from their
afiliate office here in the Netherlands as i have
already given directives for the consignment to be
brought to the Netherlands from South Africa.But
before then all modalities will have to be put in
place like change of ownership to the consignment and
more importantly this money I intend to use for
investment.
I have two options for you. Firstly you can choose to
have certain percentage of the money for nominating
your account for this transaction. Or you can go into
partnership with me for the proper profitable
investment of the money in your country. Whichever the
option you want, feel free to notify me. I have also
mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of expenses
incurred in the process of this transaction.If you do
not prefer a partnership I am willing to give
you 10% of the money while the remaining 85% will be
for my investment in your country. Contact me with the
above telephone number and through my private E-mail
address (d246n_824_1@lycos.com), while I implore you
to maintain the absolute secrecy required in this
transaction.

Thanks, GOD BLESS YOU
Yours Faithfully
David Udiata [/i]

[b]
Robert Mugabe is an old friend of mine! How is he
doing? The last heard he had given up the political
life to start an ostrich ranch in Angola. Or maybe
that's a different Robert Mugabe? Does your Robert
Mugabe smell like day-old dead rabbits? If so, that's
our Robert! What a guy.

Sorry to hear about all of the violence and killing.
Simply awful. I can't say we get much of that here.
Well, last week Philip and LaShamba got into a huge
fight and now LaShamba is in a coma, which is bad news
because Dutton is sure to poison her in order to get
her inheritence, unless Tracy kills him first... but
it's not quite the same, I'm sure.

In any case, I'd be more than happy to help you. Just
let me know what to do next!

- Jesus DeJesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]From: CHRIS IBE [mailto:www.chrisnigeria@email.com]
Sent: Monday, August 19, 2002 6:58 AM
To: sheltonguy@yahoo.com
Subject: ATTENTION PLEASE.

Sir,

I humbly wish to seek your assistance in a matter that
is very important and needs utmost trust and
confidence. I am CHRIS IBE,a business consultant and
a close confidant of one of Nigeria's most powerful
families.

The wife of top government official and an oil
royalist who served in the past military regime in
Nigeria wishes to invest the sum of US$48 MILLION.She
wishes to invest the aforementioned sum in viable
businesses overseas.

For obvious reasons, my client does not wish to
place this fund
with established financial institution in the family's
name for
security
reasons rather he used my name to deposit the fund in
one of the security company abroad. It is her desire
that the deal be handled as quietly as possible
without]possibility of any leakage to the public or
government.

She has therefore instructed and empowered me to
look for a reliable foreigner who can arrange and
recieve this fund in her favour from the security
company and also assist to invest the fund properly
for the family.

If you agree to act as a fund manager for my client
and her family, I shall release the contact
information of the security company for you to open a
discussion with them on how to come and sign for the 5
boxes and release to you if you meet my requirements.
The money is available in cash in a safe trunk boxes,
and upon a favourable response from you, I shall
forward you the (1)Airway bill certificate from the
courier that shipp the boxes(2)Letter from a lawyer
authorising you to act as the owner..

Your commission shall be down payment of 10% of the
total sum, and an annual 10% of the after tax returns
on investment for the first five years and 5% for any
expenses occured during and after the transaction as
such as travelling expenses,telephone bills,etc.
Thereafter, the terms shall be varied.

Sir, if you are capable and willing to participate in
this transaction, reach me by email through this
direct emails or through my 24 hrs mobile
no.234-803-713-7292.

Best Regards,
CHRIS IBE
[/i]

[b]How pleasing to get your message! My cat told me that
should be expecting some good luck, and then your
e-mail came! I guess I should listen to him more
often. He has a small brain, you know... but he is
very perceptive.

You sound like an interesting and intelligent person.
Normally I am quite suspicious of offers such as
these, but I sense in you a great spiritual intuition.
Just the other day, during my colon cleansing, I got a
strange feeling that someone from far away would
change my destiny. But then, it might have been the
vinegar.

So what next? I stand ready to assist you!

Yours,

Jesus DeJesus
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Jesus DeJesus - It appears you have been added to the illegal scam master data base. Perhaps they should know that "all your base belong to us."

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

I've had a little fun with Spammers before. Once I told some broken-English Singapore spammers to send me their product brochure in .bfe format. They actually responded.

---
What others say about boorite!

[b]From:
Date: Mon, 19 Aug 2002 20:58:08 -0700 (PDT)
To: alwyn du preez
Subject: Re: IMPORTANT INFORMATION

Alywn?

I miss you.

- Jesus
[/b]

[i]
MR JESUS,

I ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL INCLUDING THE CONTENTS,i.e YOUR
PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS,HOWEVER,I STILL REQUEST THAT YOU MAIL TO ME THE
PICTURE PAGE OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT.THIS IS VERY VITAL FOR
IDENTIFICATION PURPOSES.

AND BY THE WAY,YOU STILL DID NOT TELL ME THE NAME OF YOUR COMPANY.THIS
CONCERNS THE INCORPORATION OF AN OFF-SHORT COMPANY FOR YOU HERE IN S.A.

I REALLY CAN`T SEE WHY YOU ARE MISSING ME.WE HARDLY KNOW EACHOTHER VERY
WELL.I MIGHT HAVE TO ASK YOU WHAT YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE IS.ANYWAY,I
KNOW WE SHALL SURELY BE ABLE TO SEE SOON TO DRINKS AND DISCUSS THESE
EVENTS AS PAST.

DO HAVE A LOVELY DAY.

REGARDS,

DR ALWYN du PREEZ
[/i]

[b]
I apologize! You write so much I must have missed
that. Here is a scan of my passport and my company
letterhead. My company is NAMBLA CORPORATION. We're
kind of a dating service.

I do so hope this is enough to get us started!

I'm sorry if I come on too strong. It is very lonely
here in the office and as for my sexual preference...
well, I'm flexible (though I do have a penchant for
gerbiling on the weekend). Are you? I do hope so. I
have this image of you all built up in my mind. Do you
have a picture to send? I can just picture us sipping
frozen margaritas by the pool at your villa. Do you
like margaritas? Oh, there is so much I don't know
about you!

- Jesus
[/b]
Images attached:

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]
Subject: RE: DETAILS/URGENT PLS
DEAR SIR,

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL FOR ASSISTING ME.I BELIEVED THAT YOUR CAT IS
TELLING YOU THE RIGHT THING AND AS FAR AS YOU LISTEN TO HIM AS YOUR PET OR
WHATEVER YOU CALL IT,IT WILL BE GUIDING YOU.

THESE ARE THE DETAILS FOR THE BUSINESS BELOW.

I HAVE TO START HERE BY LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS BUSINESS IS 100%
RISK FREE AS EVERY UNDERGROUNG WORK HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE CONTACTING YOU TO
EXECUTE THE BUSINESS FOR US FOR MUTUAL BENEFIT OF BOTH OF US.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO SEND YOUR FULL INFORMATIONS LIKE YOUR
NAME,ADDRESS,TEL AND FAX,THESE WILL NOW HELP ME SECURE A LETTER OF
AUTHORIZATION THAT SHOWS THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHTFUL OWNER OF THE SAID BOXES IN A
SECURITY COMPANY ABROAD WHICH YOU KNOWS AS MONEY BECAUSE THE COMPANY ARE
NOT AWARE THAT IT CONTAINS MONEY RATHER GIFT ITEMS.

I SHALL FORWARD YOU ALL THE DOCUMENTS AND THE CONTACT DETAILS OF THE
SECURITY COMPANY FOR YOU TO CALL THEM AND BOOK A DATE FOR YOUR ARRIVAL
FOR THE SIGNING OF THE BOXES BEFORE TRANSFERING IT INTO YOUR
ACCOUNT.REMEMBER THAT ANY EXPENSES MAKE DURING AND AFTER THE BUSINESS MUST DEDUCT
FROM THE PERCENTAGE WE MAPPED OUT IN THIS BUSINESS LIKE YOUR
TRAVELLING,TELEPHONE BILLS,FEE FOR SIGNING OF THE BOXES AND THE ONES WE HAVE MADE
BEFORE SHIPING THE BOXES TO A SECURITY COMAPANY.

MY DEAR ALTERNATIVELY WERE YOU CANNOT BE ABLE TO TRAVEL FOR ANY
REASON,I SHALL GIVE YOU INFORMATION OF A DIPLOMAT HERE IN NIGERIA FOR YOU TO
CONATCT HIM AND ASK HIM WHAT IS GOING TO COST HIM TO TRAVEL TO THE
SECURITY COMPANY AND GET THE BOXES ON YOUR BEHALF TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY,SO YOU
ARE TO CHOOSE FROM ANY OF THE TWO.

LASTLY YOU HAVE TO SEND ME AN AGREEMENT LETTER DULY SIGNED WITH YOUR
LETTER HEADED COMPANY AND A COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT FOR A
RECORD PURPOSES,SEND IT THROUGH AN ATTACMENT.

I WILL EXPECT YOUR CALL ANYTIME YOU RECIEVE THIS MAIL ON 24HRS MOBILE
PHONE#234-803-713-7292.

CHRIS IBE
[/i]

[b]I've attached scans of my passport and letterhead. I
hope this is enough to get us going! I'm really
looking forward to that money.

Speaking of which, my cat told me that 10% is not
nearly enough of a payment for the services I am
rendering. After all, without me you'll have nothing
at all. I propose a comission of 25%. I think you will
find these terms agreeable, and it is guaranteed to
keep my lips sealed around certain high-ranking
officials, if you know what I mean.

When I see, you we simply MUST get together for a
colon cleansing. My treat!

- Jesus
[/b]

Same pictures as above attached.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

"The fuzz-meister, yanking some crank."
Great stuff!

---
"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Fuzzyman - You are the daddy of all things funny. I don't know what made me laugh more - your emails, the fact that you got replies - the Nambla letterhead - or the passport.

OK, it was the passport.

BTW, would you be willing to cut me in on these investments? Sounds like a sweet deal.

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Can I just get 2500 bucks for some small school bills?
I know it'll be good clean money after being cleansed so many times...wait, nevermind.

---
Mmm...they speak to you!!!

Think they'll fall for the passport and letterhead? That is a pretty old passport design that I found.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

You sir, are a genious.

---
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

If they are smart they'll notice the big PHILADELPHA imprinted next to the photo I pasted in. How long until they figure out that Philadelpha is not in California?

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

No problem. You could have been living or even visiting Philadelphia when you got your passport; no requirement it be in your home state (my first passport wasn't).

Of course if you really wanted to be cute, you'd have tied it into NAMBLACorp, and erased the "ER" just above the fold on the passport.

As for the fine print on top of the passport, If I'm running a photo contest next April 1st, people will have to modify the passport, all getting disqualified in the process.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Heh, I decided to do one of my own when I got an email like that!

>NO 13 VS 2 CETHSWAYO ESTATE
>GENERATION- SOUTH AFRICA
>
>
>
>
> {URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL)
>
> (RE: TRANSFER OF ($ 152,000.000.00 USD ONE HUNDRED
>AND FIFTY TWO MILLION DOLLARS )
>
>Dear sir,
>
>We want to transfer to overseas ($ 152,000.000.00 USD)
>One hundred and Fifty two million United States
>Dollars) from a Bank in Africa, I want to ask you to
>quietly look for a reliable and honest person who
>will be capable and fit to provide either an existing
>bank account or to set up a new Bank a/c
>immediately to receive this money, even an empty a/c
>can serve to receive this money, as long as you will
>remain honest to me till the end for this important
>business trusting in you and believing in God that
>you will never let me down either now or in future.
>
>I am Dr. Maxwell Gan, the Auditor General of a bank in
>Africa, during the course of our auditing I discovered
>a floating fund in an account opened in the bank in
>1990 and since 1993 nobody has operated on this
>account again, after going through some old files in
>the records I discovered that the owner of the account
>died without a [heir] hence the money is floating and
>if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be
>forfeited for nothing. the owner of this account is
>Mr. Duncan Harkinson, a foreigner, and a sailor, and
>he died, since 1993. and no other person knows about
>this account or any thing concerning it, the account
>has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved
>to me as well that Mr. Duncan Harkinson until his
>death was the manager of Duncan Harkinson Coy.(pty).
>SA.
>
>We will start the first transfer with fifty two
>million [$52,000.000] upon successful transaction
>without any disappoint from your side, we shall
>re-apply for the payment of the remaining rest amount
>to your account.
>
>The amount involved is (USD 152M) One hundred and
>Fifty two million United States Dollars, only I want
>to first transfer $52,000.000 [fifty two million
>United States Dollar from this money into a safe
>foreigners account abroad before the rest, but I don't
>know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a
>foreigner because this money can not be approved to a
>local person here, without valid international foreign
>passport, but can only be approved to any foreigner
>with valid international passport or drivers license
>and foreign a/c because the money is in us Dollars
>and the former owner of the a/c Mr. Duncan
>Harkinson, is a foreigner too, [and the money can only
>be approved into a foreign a/c.
>
>However, we will sign a binding agreement, to bind us
>together I got your contact address from the Girl who
>operates computer, I am revealing this to you with
>believe in God that you will never let me down in this
>business, you are the first and the only person that
>I am contacting for this business, so please reply
>urgently so that I will inform you the next step to
>take urgently. Send also your private telephone and
>fax number including the full details of the account
>to be used for the deposit.
>
>I want us to meet face to face to build confidence and
>to sign a binding agreement that will bind us
>together before transferring the money to any account
>of your choice where the fund will be safe. Before
>we fly to your country for withdrawal, sharing and
>investments.
>
>I need your full co-operation to make this work fine.
>because the management is ready to approve this
>payment to any foreigner who has correct information
>of this account, which I will give to you, upon your
>positive response and once I am convinced that you are
>capable and will meet up with instruction of a key
>bank official who is deeply involved with me in this
>business.
>I need your strong assurance that you will never,
>never let me down.
>
>With my influence and the position of the bank
>official we can transfer this money to any foreigner's
>reliable account which you can provide with assurance
>that this money will be intact pending our physical
>arrival in your country for sharing. The bank official
>will destroy all documents of transaction immediately
>we receive this money leaving no trace to any place
>and to build confidence you can come immediately to
>discuss with me face to face after which I will make
>this remittance in your presence and three of us will
>fly to your country at least two days ahead of the
>money going into the account.
>
>I will apply for annual leave to get visa immediately
>I hear from you that you are ready to act and receive
>this fund in your account. I will use my position and
>influence to obtain all legal approvals for onward
>transfer of this money to your account with
>appropriate clearance from the relevant ministries
>and foreign exchange departments.
>
>At the conclusion of this business, you will be given
>35 of the total amount, 60 will be for me, while 5
>will be for expenses both parties might have incurred
>during the process of transferring.
>
>I look forward to your earliest reply through my email
>address.max_ubaka@yahoo.com
>
>Yours,
>Maxwell Gan.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>__________________________________________________
>Do You Yahoo!?
>HotJobs - Search Thousands of New Jobs
>http://www.hotjobs.com

[b]Wow! How can I resist this! Think of how many TV dinners me and my mother could buy with that! Hell, we could move out of our van down by the river with that much money. We could even get one of those new vans with all them fancy gadgets like a CD player. This will be so cool. You can completely trust me, because I have never told a lie, once, ever. You could just send me the check for the money and I could put it in my bank account if you like, I promise I will not betray your trust by using all the money on myself!

Yours, Skimbo McElbone
[/b]

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Skip to the bottom.

[i]DEAR MR JESUS,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY TO YOU AND I HOPE YOU ARE WELL AND DOING GREAT
FOR YOURSELF.FIRSTLY,I MUST SAY POLITELY HOW SORRY I AM THAT MY MAIL ARE
EVER SO LONG,IT IS DUE TO THE MAGNANIMOUS NATURE OF THIS VENTURE.YOU
ARE AWARE OF THE AMOUNT OF FUNDS INVOLVED HERE,I AM SURE.I ACKNOWLEDGE
THE RECEIPT OF YOU MAIL AND THE PASSPORT AND LETTER HEAD INCLUDED,AND
INDEED YOU HAVE SHOWN ME THAT YOU ARE WILLING AND READY TO RENDER ME THE
MUCH DESIRED ASSISTANCE.THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU THAT,I HAD PREVIOUSLY SECURED STEPS TO
ENSURE THAT THE FUNDS WERE SHIPPED OUT OF SOUTH AFRICA UNDER THE GUISE OF
PRECIOUS ORNAMENTS,JEWELLRIES AND EXPENSIVE AFRICAN ART WORKS.I ENGAGED
THE WISDOM OF SOME TOP GOVERNMENT FUNCTIONARIES WHO RECOMMENDED A
SECURITY COMPANY THROUGH WHICH THE TRUNK BOXES COULD BE SHIPPED.MR
CONDON,UNTIL TWO DAYS BACK I NEVER TOOK THIS PLAN SERIOUSLY,BECAUSE I WAS TIMID
AND UNSURE,BUT I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE TO YOU THAT THE CONSIGNMENT HAVE
BEEN CONFIRMED TO HAVE SUCCEESFULLY GONE TO SPAIN THROUGH THE SECURITY
COMPANY AND IT IS DUE TO BE IN SPAIN BY TOMORROW.YOU MUST UNDERSTAND
THAT NO DETAIL YOU HAVE SENT IS USELESS,I HAVE SET ABOUT ENGAGING THE
SERVICES OF AN ATTORNEY TO CONCLUSIVELY INCORPORATE A COMPANY FOR YOU HERE
IN S.A.YOU SHALL GET THE CERTIFICATE OF INCORPORATION IMMEDIATELY IT IS
READY.I STILL INTEND FOR YOU TO RECEIVE THE FUNDS AS ORIGINALLY PLANNED
i.e AS A CONTRACTOR.THUS I WANT YOU TO BE GIVEN SUFFICIENT AND
LEGITIMATE PROTECTION.

SUFFICE IT TO SAY THAT I AM PLEADING WITH YOU TO MAKE THE TRIP TO SPAIN
AND CLAIM THE TRUNK BOXES OF CONSIGNMENT AS THE BONA FIDE
BENEFICIARY.YOU SHALL HAVE GOTTEN THE DOCUMENTS CONCERNING THE CONSIGNMENT BEFORE
YOU TRAVEL.

MEANWHILE,MY APPLICATION FOR MY ANNUAL LEAVE HAS BEEN GRANTED AND I
INTEND TO USE THIS DURATION TO SUCCESSFULLY ACHIEVE THIS PROJECT.I INTEND
TO TRAVEL TO THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA FIRST WHERE I SHALL BE
STAYING FOR PROBABLY TWO WEEKS.THE IMPRESSION IS THAT I AM HOLIDAYING IN
NIGERIA,BUT I SHALL MAKE A CLANDESTINE TRIP TO SPAIN WHERE YOU AND I
SHALL SAFELY CONCLUDE OUR BUSINESS.AS YOU KNOW I DO NOT INTEND TO RAISE
ANY EYEBROW AS CIVIL SERVANTS ARE NOT EXPECTED TO MAKE ANY BOGOUS
EXPENDITURE,HENCE I HAVE TO FULLY ENSURE THAT NO ONE KNOWS MY INTINERANCY.I
SHALL BE ESTABLISHING CONTACT WITH YOU SOON AND I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GIVE
YOU A PHONE NUMBER IMMEDIATELY I ARRIVE IN NIGERIA.

MR JESUS,IT MY HUMBLE HOPE THAT THE ALMIGHTY GOD SEES US THROUGH THIS
AND GRANT US THE COMPLETION OF THIS VENTURE WITHOUT HITCHES.I HAVE NOT
INFORMED MY FAMILY YET ABOUT MY TRIP,AS I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE YOUR
OPINION FIRST.I JUST BELIEVE THAT AT THE END OF MY LEAVE PERIOD,I SHOULD BE
ABLE TO BOAST OF ENOUGH IN MY ACCOUNT.PLEASE GIVE THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT
A PONDER AND LET ME HAVE YOUR CANDID ANSWER.I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT THIS
NEW ARRANGEMENT FAVOURS BOTH OF US. AND IN ADDITION,THE BUSINESS WILL
BE PROPERLY DONE IN A NEUTRAL AND SAFE COUNTRY.

I WISH TO APPEAL TO YOUR EMOTION TO PLEASE GIVE ME AN AFFIRMATIVE
ANSWER SO WE CAN FORGE AHEAD.THANK YOU.I KNOW YOU WOULD STILL FROWN AT MY
LONG MAIL,BUT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT I CANNOT HELP IT.HOWEVER,SINCE WE
SHALL SOON ESTABLISH CONTACT YOU SHALL BE SPARED.

OH!! BY THE WAY,YOU LOOK QUITE CHARMING.

REGARDS,

DR ALWYN du PREEZ

N/B:I SHALL BE FAXING TO YOU SOON THE MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING AND
AGREEMENT FOR YOU TO APPEND YOUR SIGNATURE.

[/i]

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Nigerian Scam Fun 2

hehehehehe....

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

Wait... he broke with the "Mr. Jesus" moniker and called you "Mr. Condon" somewhere in that letter. Where did that come from?

quote:

---

A
SECURITY COMPANY THROUGH WHICH THE TRUNK BOXES COULD BE SHIPPED.MR
CONDON,UNTIL TWO DAYS BACK I NEVER TOOK THIS PLAN SERIOUSLY

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