I feel old.

Yesterday, I managed to wrench my back, without even doing anything strenuous. I was standing next to the shower, sticking just my leg in to rinse it off (I had shaved my legs a few minutes prior, and realized that my right one felt a little itchy, as if I hadn't gotten all the soap off). All of a sudden, this jolt of pain started from my lower back and did this kind of nova thing, sweeping outward, simultaneously up my back and through my legs. I held onto the towel rack, felt it start to wobble, decided it wasn't a good idea to use it for support, and then sat down on the side of the tub. Then, I realized that sitting on the side of the tub made the pain like 8 times worse, so I somehow managed to stand back up (probably screaming the whole time, I can't remember). I managed the presense of mind to shut off the shower, and somehow made it to the bedroom.

Now, let me explain something. My sleeping area consists of a queen size mattress on the floor. Sometimes I'm stiff in the morning and creaky when I have to get to my feet from so low, but I'm usually pretty agile, especially for a fat person, so the whole mattress-on-the-floor thing isn't much of a liability. I'm seriously thinking about a bed frame now. And a first floor dwelling. And a wheelchair ramp. And a staff of personal attendants. Just in case this kind of thing happens again.

So I managed to lie down, probably tweaking every vertebra on the way down, and I lay there crying for 20 minutes, finding a comfortable position, and then looking for a new one a moment later when my back started to seize up again. Paul got back then, and ran in to see what was going on.

God bless Paul. I mean, I used to think I wanted someone who could keep a cool head and take control in an emergency. I was wrong. What I need is someone who freaks out and requires that I snap out of whatever freaking out I'm doing so I can be the calm one.

So, after I dissuaded him from calling 911, I started thinking about my options. I did know that whatever happened, I would need to be dressed. I got Paul to find me the clothing items I needed, and I somehow managed to get the items on the correct parts of my body. Paul learned not to help without me asking, because the first time he touched me to steady me and I wasn't aware he was about to, I involuntarily tensed and went into new spasms. I'm not sure if the getting dressed thing made the pain worse, better, or had no effect, but at least I was dressed.

So, I was dressed (I finally settled on a tee shirt and pajama pants, because they were in my line of sight, and they looked comfy, and hey - I get to wear pajama pants in public if I DO go to the ER), I was temporarily comfortable (or at least less uncomfortable), and I was trying not to start crying again from the fear of this being a Serious Problem.

I called my mom. She's a nurse. She's good at telling me what things are serious and what things I can muddle through without paying someone to tell me to rest. A person like this is a very good thing to have if you're a hypochondriac and a tightwad. Anyway, I got her answering machine. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, because it forced me to continue to be level-headed and in control. I gave Paul tasks so he'd feel useful, and well... because I needed his help. He helped me get situated on the couch with a soda and the remote, and then he went to his mom's to get me some percoset and a heating pad.

My mom called back and told me that the symptoms sounded like a muscular thing, and that extreme heat or cold, vioxx, and percoset would be the thing, and that it would work itself out. That helped me relax.

I spent all of yesterday hopped up on percoset and caffeine. Except for the pain, it was kinda fun. I didn't want to miss work today because we're way far behind. Well, more because we've been approved for overtime and I could use the money, but also because I hate the thought of the files piling in my in-box and the scramble I face when I come back. So I got out of bed, straightened to a standing position, said "hey, I feel better", took a step, and felt my legs wobble. I managed to use my momentum to get into the living room and into a chair, and went about calling in sick. I can't drive on percoset. (I bet I'm going to look at this post later and resolve that I can't compose on percoset, either.)

So, where it stands now is that I'm going to see how I feel later, and make a doctor's appointment if I haven't seen an improvement. There's not a whole hell of a lot they can do for backs. They can prescribe nifty drugs and rest and extreme heat or cold, but that's about it.

So, maybe I'll make some comics. I've had stripper's block for the last year. Maybe the percoset will shake something loose.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Whenever I've strained my back, it's always doing something mundane and stupid, like walking up stairs or checking the oil. This weekend, I was dragging 100 lb loads of fill dirt uphill in my yard. No back strain. Now watch my back go out when I'm pouring coffee.

I've never had back strain like what you're describing. Sounds like something went out of line and pinched the old sciatic. Ouch!

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What others say about boorite!

I've started to get those odd twinges. Back locks up, blow a capillary in my finger while holding something, sore knees, joints, headaches.... I just do what I've always done: I force myself to move and wiggle and work whatever hurts until it goes away or subsides enough to function. I don't know why that approach works for me other than it's always been pretty much my only option. I don't recommend it to anybody with health care. Let me know how the doctor thing works out.

I probably should go and see a doctor. I dunno. I can't remember one single day my life without having been in some sort of pain, and I think I just got used to it. I wonder what it would be like to feel absolutely wonderful, though.

Take care, LadyJ.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

I think you can still compose pretty well on percoset. This snippet is pure genius.

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God bless Paul. I mean, I used to think I wanted someone who could keep a cool head and take control in an emergency. I was wrong. What I need is someone who freaks out and requires that I snap out of whatever freaking out I'm doing so I can be the calm one.

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Feel better soon. I've had tremendous back pain this weekend from sleeping in a chair in my mother-in-law's hospital room, but nothing like what you're having.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Been there, done that, still have the occasional flare-up! I can definitely sympathize with you LadyJ, I was unfortunate enough to have mine throw out when I shifted in my chair at the local seafood restaurant. Talk about embarrassing....I don't know if I was more mortified of the scene at the restaurant or the scene in the ER when they tried to shove a catheter up me!

Word of advice...after that first big "back throw out" even the doofiest thing can cause it again. It can be quite comical in retrospect when your legs suddenly drop out from under your butt in the middle of the office. My advice...grin sheepishly, and continue to crawl under your desk.

Hope you get better!!

P.S. could be worse...you could be having an abscessed tooth and having surgery tomorrow ;) I hear the the crap they will give me to numb the pain is pretty wicked though!

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

heh... this reminds me of when my girlfriend (long ago) was driving, merging onto the freeway, and I looked over my shoulder to check her blind spot, and CLICK one of my ribs went out of joint. It hurt to even breathe for a day or so, and then CLICK it went back in. And I never hurt myself doing things like climbing buildings.

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Bummer. Hope you feel better, pain sucks. Especialy pain that seems to happen for no specific reason.

Unfortunatly, I'm too young to have any aging pain stories. I did however, shock my right hand from static electricity onto a chrome switchplate and my left thumb has ached since then.

Young punk! If you're not careful, we'll give you some hurtin' that you'll remember the rest of your life.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Thank you all for your moral support. It always gives me warm fuzzies to know that you folks care.

Jael, I'm sorry about your tooth. I've been through that stuff before. Just think about how awesome you'll feel when it's all done and you don't have pain anymore.

Back update: the pain is still as bad as ever, and I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning. I talked to my supervisor on the phone and she expressed sympathy for my pain. Then she teased me for being all out of it on drugs. She's entitled. She owes me from the time that I complimented her on her Ellen Degeneres style of dress one day.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Rather than share with you the same old story of my aches and pains, I'll tell you a tale that my mother swears is true. It does seem right in character.

Back when I was 2, my parents brought me home a baby sister. I was fascinated with her. One day as I was watching her being changed, I noticed, shall we say, the anatomical differences between me and her. "Baby broken," I informed my mother.

Needless to say, I viewed your subject line with a certain double entendreness.

Get better soon!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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Back update: the pain is still as bad as ever, and I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning. I talked to my supervisor on the phone and she expressed sympathy for my pain. Then she teased me for being all out of it on drugs. She's entitled. She owes me from the time that I complimented her on her Ellen Degeneres style of dress one day.

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Holy crap! Someone should check the sky for planetary alignment causing shifts in spines! My back has been hosed all week too! It happens bad every 4-6 years or so and just a bit every fall.

Feel better good lady. Teach Paul to serve well - maybe milk it for an extra day 8-)

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I hate to say this, but I too share the ailment of a sore back and shoulders, as well as arms.
I think I'm having a really long heart attack or something.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

My foot is sore from kicking so much ass.

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Wow! I didn't know you were double jointed!

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

hahaha
Stud!

Update:

So the pain was worse yesterday, and in the afternoon I called and made an appointment with my doctor. Then I woke up this morning and felt a lot better. I remembered feeling a lot better the day before and then feeling all kinds of worse, so I walked around and sat down a couple of times before proclaiming myself able to go to work. I still had soreness, but I thought that perhaps something had snapped back into place and the soreness was just the surrounding areas going "whew" after absorbing all the stress from the area I was babying.

Well, within a few minutes, I was feeling almost as much pain as I had been on Sunday. I have no idea what this phenomenon is of feeling all better after waking up, but there it is.

I went to my appointment, sure that the doc would order x-rays and all that happy crap. He didn't. He said all the things my mom said, almost verbatim. He said that I would be all better in a couple of weeks, whether I had physical therapy or not. He prescribed more percoset, gave me some samples of vioxx, and told me to keep using the heating pad. He told me not to overdo activity, but not to sit around in one position all the time either - to work it out. He gave me a note for work and said not to go back until Thursday at the earliest, and we'd see how I felt then, he might even give me another note if necessary.

So, the good news is the injury is minor and will heal itself with rest. The bad news is that I only have enough personal leave left to cover like a day and a half or 2 days, so my paycheck is going to be all kinds of teeny. *sigh*

I'm starting to feel like November is the Crisis Month. In past Novembers, I've been injured a few times, been dumped, and been diagnosed with cancer. Then again, this crap probably happens every month, but I only notice it in November because that's when my birthday is. :/

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Ouch.

I can empathise because I separated my shoulder yesterday tripping on my cat while going to get the mail.

So do I get the Lamest Injury Ever award or are there better candidates?

Hope you feel better.

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I has a flavor!

I once injured myself on a sellotape dispenser.

See, this guy around here ripped a testicle off trying to climb a tree. He had a chain and hook, he was using it to pull himself up, and though some extreme amounf of element "Dumbass 5", he managed to ensnare his own ball, and yank it from it's twin brother. His friend took pictures. I've never seen them, thank God.

Darwainism. Lovely shit.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Put a four inch gash in my thigh walking down the steps of the stage - located behind the bar - at work due to colliding (stone sober) with the vertically indexed stainless steel edge of a bottle rack. Think butterknife screwed into 125 year-old oak. Ow.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

I threw out my back applying pit juice.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Deoderant?

You win.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Well, I'm going back to work today. I expect it to suck a lot. The able-bodied folks should be sympathetic until around 10 am, at which time they will promptly forget that I am in pain and start resenting the fact that I am not moving quickly and efficiently enough to please them. Yay!

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent