I am going to masturbate SO MUCH!!!!

Perhaps I should post a thread that says "I am going to get drunk this week".

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Dad was flammable

No flooding!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

So you plan to...

A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
Auditioning the hand puppet
Badgering the witness
Beating the fuck out of your best friend
Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
Beating the snot outta Rotney
Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
Blueball baseball
Calling down for more Mayo
Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
Caping the crusader
Cheating on your other hand
Checking the plumbing
Choking the bald guy 'til he pukes
Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
Committing mass spermicide
Decongesting the weasel
Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
Evicting the testicular squatters
Firing the presidential staff
Fishing for zipper trout
Five-finger discount
Flogging your dumber brother
Foreplay with Fistina
Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
Freeing the hostages
Freeing Willy
Getting your palm red
Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie
Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
Giving the seamen shore leave
Giving yourself a helping hand
Giving yourself a low five
Having a play date with your little friend
Having a puppet show in your pants
Having a staff meeting
Hitchhiking under the Big Top
Launching the morning missile
Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
Making special sauce with frank and beans
Making the bald guy cry
Making the Cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
Making the llama spit
Manhandling your man-handle
Milking the bull
Million sperm march
My sex life! (Okay, that one's more sad than funny)
One-handed workout
Opening up a bottle of Squirt
Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
Playing the stand-up organ
Playing with Yoosef
Polishing the family jewels
Polishing the hot rod
Polishing the purple people pleaser
Practicing for the Big Game
Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
Rapid one arm pull-ups
Releasing the Olympic Doves
Riding the Great White Knuckler
Romancing the bone
Roughing the passer
Roughing up the suspect
Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
Running in single-user mode
Running off a batch by hand
Sanding the obelisk
Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
Shaking the hand of the self-employed
Shooting tadpoles at the moon
Shooting the pump action porridge gun
Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
Spackling the ceiling
Spending some quality time with yourself
Spilling my children on my belly
Spit-polishing the purple helmet
Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
Taking little Elvis to Graceland
Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
Target practice with the yogurt gun
Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
Tenderizing the tube steak
Test-firing the meat missile
Testing the hand cream dispenser
Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
Tube sock tango
Warming up the altar boy's dinner
White-water wristing
Wrapping my hand around my cock and blowing a load all over my mother
Zygote spraying

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Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10 foot radius takes full damage from the fireball.

quote:

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Dropping the kids off at the pool

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But you'll be jerking on the can, right?

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

Of course.

What are you going to think about?

Probably that picture of you with that gaping mouth, andy. ("Hey, watch the teeth!") At least you can hold on to those ears.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

You missed "rubbing the lamp till the genie pops out".

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

You kids are lucky, man. I don't get out of school for another week, and then a week of exams.

Must be the time difference or something.

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:\

Yeah, the other side of Canada is a week ahead.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

That's what I was getting at. It was sarcasm.

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:\

quote:

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So you plan to...

...
Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
...
Having a staff meeting

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I don't know, a meeting with my "staff" seems sexually implicit to me...

Hey, I can make the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs!

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

quote:

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You kids are lucky, man. I don't get out of school for another week, and then a week of exams.

Must be the time difference or something.

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Petting Chewbaca

Choking Jabba.

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

Um, Bob'ing the Fett?

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

I remember what Han Solo use to say: "Good against remotes is one thing. Good against the living, that's
something else."

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

Skywalking the Lukes?
Jarring the Jar?
Killing off a few billion more Storm Troopers?
Letting your fingers do the Falcon?
Obiing one's Kenobi?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

space-masturbating

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What others say about boorite!

Mrs. Palm, you've got five lovely daughters
Girls as soft as they are something rare
But I'm sad, they cannot love me now
I punched a wall in hate and now they're in a cast...

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I has a flavor!

Blasting Greedo