In Case You Wondered... by ragu4u 2-23-10

You can lead a horse to water... ...but you'll never turn him into a scuba diver.

The Australian "Comeback" Tour by ragu4u 2-23-10

Booo. You suck! I want my money back! What a rip off. We've been taken. This is the last you'll see of us, mate! REFUND! REFUND! REFUND! Let's raid the boxoffice! Whitney Houston has left the building. Thank you & good night!

Affluence by ragu4u 2-24-10

Can ya spare some change? My kid turned 18 and I no longer get a govt. check for her. Get a job you worthless peon. I have PTSD and no legs. Plus my wife left me and my daughter has been impregnated by a snake handler. Oh that's different. I didn't realize. You're gonna need two jobs. I gotta run.

The World In Turmoil by ragu4u 2-24-10

My Son, it seems the people I've created have forgotten about Sodom & Gomorrah. Really? You don't find that to be true? Not at all. Had they, they would not have been able to recreate them so perfectly, all over the globe. Touche! Fuckin A.

Teasing the Audience by ragu4u 2-24-10

5pm News This just in....A Killer Whale has killed its trainer at Sea World. More on this later. 6pm News AB-InBev sold all of their interests in Sea World facilities about a month ago. Is there a connection to the whale attack? More, later. 10pm News Apparantly, when Sea World was sold it had some effect on the whales. Right, Jane? You bet, Bob! I'd say those whales miss their beer and are darned angry.

Hear No Evil by ragu4u 2-25-10

It wasn't supposed to go like this. I'm calling a cop! F'nuk unf! 30 minutes later... He just kept beating me, officer...even after I used our "safe" word. These guys do get rough but they usually stop when the "safe" word is spoken. Apparantly, not the deaf ones. I need me a donut!

Mama Know Best by ragu4u 2-25-10

5:53 am Hey ma, get back in here and watch the Health Care Summit replay on C-Span. I don't wanna. It was too boring. This western is more exciting. But now I need my sleep. Brad checks out the "Western". Western? It's the freaken "test pattern".

1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back by ragu4u 2-26-10

You can't have a word like THAT on your shirt. The word is NIGH. It means...soon. It rhymes with "TRY". Oh, so it's not "NIG"? No it's not, Einstein! Don't be back talking me, you cracker mutha fucka! Maybe the word is "NIG", afterall.

Visiting "The Mideast" by ragu4u 2-26-10

Let's get going. I'm burning up. Not until we experience one more interesting bit of local culture. Is woman infidel, who refuses to cover face, interested in clitoral mutilation? I'm ready.

A Tourist in Chile by ragu4u 2-27-10

Gringo, you want buy map of Santiago? Site see on the cheap? Good god man, look around. You've just had an 8.8 earthquake. What? It look the same to me. And I could have gone to Paris.

The Naivety of Youth by ragu4u 2-27-10

Mr. Cleaver, Theodore has been looking up my skirt again. Please talk to him, OK? Certainly, Ms. Landers. Leave it to me. Thank you. Admit it Beaver...those short skirts do expose the hair pie, don't they? It kinda makes ya wanna grab them hips and pound away at that ass. Golly gee dad, I don't know. But can I go to Eddie Haskel's house? He's gonna teach me how to choke a chicken.

The Love Boat by ragu4u 2-27-10

Arrrg! Well blow me down, matey! I thought you'd never ask! Avast ye matey & shiver me timber. Kinky...but that's doable too.

She's A Little Bit CUNTry... by ragu4u 2-27-10

We're here with Marie Osmond. Marie, why did your son Michael just kill himself? You're joking! He killed himself? Why yes...just a short time ago. It beats the dickens out of me....but aren't I gonna looked damn hot at the funeral since I dropped all that weight? Now I see why he did it!

Can You Spell "Lackluster"? by ragu4u 2-28-10

As the Winter Olympics wind down, let's ask the man on the street how he feels NBC did with the coverage. Sir! Sir? Do you feel NBC did a good job covering the Winter Olympics? Huh? The Olympics...did NBC cover them well? I dunno...when do they start?

Parlor Tricks by ragu4u 2-27-10

Look into my eyes. You're sleepy, very sleepy. When I snap my fingers you'll be a fly. No wa... When I snap again, you'll awaken. zzzzz *snap* Hey... my lips taste like dog shit!

Playing the System by ragu4u 2-28-10

So you need a job, huh? What can you do? Not much. What do you pay? Not much, but you can start right away. Great! What are my days off? What's with the "days off" already? You're fired! Cool. Now I qualify for unemployment.

What's In A Name? by ragu4u 3-01-10

I'm new here. Where are our lockers? Last door on the left. You'll find your locker there. Later.... What the hell, man? Sadly, "The Hurt Locker" was the only one left.

I was impressed by this last batch.  Very nice.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

My Bodyguard by ragu4u 3-02-10

I'm being stalked, Brad. Really? So whatcha gonna do? I've decided to hire a hit man. You want to meet him? Whoa...no shit? A "COMIC" hitman? How does THAT work? You must be HIM! Fugedabowdit!

Wishful Thinking by ragu4u 3-02-10

I wonder... ...might I be so lucky as to have THIS guy... ...be my executioner on Good Friday"? Naaaa!

What Was He Thinking??? by ragu4u 3-03-10

2/17/2010 JFK Airport Roger 403, the skies are clear and you look good to come in on runway 1-5. You copy? I'm always so proud of him on "Bring Your Kid To Work Day!" Yaaaaa! The last thing I heard was some KID giving landing instruction to the pilot

Old Material by ragu4u 3-04-10

Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! "Why aren't all you "Stripcreator" fans laughing? I don't get it. This bit killed for "Monte Python".

It Gets Them Everytime by ragu4u 3-04-10

There's no way I'll go home with you. A Short Time Later... If you think I'll have sex with you, think again! ...And Still Later WOW! The sex was awesome but I still don't know why I did it. Usted no puede resistir la mosca espanola.

Spanish fly! LOLOLOLOL

It's funny cause it's interspecies!!! 

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.