HONORABLE DRAGON DEMANDS MORE HONORABLE NINJA!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Some HN adventures you may have missed.

Happy Rosh Hashana, from Honorable Ninja by mmyers 9-17-04

Greetings Jews and gentiles alike. Honorable Ninja here for Rosh-a-Sha-Na-Na. This time of year, Jews look to the new year and the music catalogue of retro-group Sha-Na-Na. So too is Honorable Ninja looking back at the year and listening to Sha-Na-Na, and just as they played retro-music so too is Honorable Ninja giving retro-prices, like a 2002 Bronco... Hey Honorable, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but Rosh Hashanah has nothing to do with Sha-Na-Na. But...I enjoy their version of "Get a job" a great deal. Just like the great deals that you get at Honorable Ninja Used Cars! Gentile or Jew, heretic or Hebrew, everybody gets a great deal at Honorable Ninja Used Cars. Domo and Shallom.

Honorable Ninja Used Cars honors Boxing Day by mmyers 12-27-04

Konnichiwa. In honor of the esteemed Boxing Day, Honorable Ninja wishes to celebrate and pass the savings on to you. Therefore, anyone wishing to come and face me in a boxing competition shall recieve free tax, tag, and title. It is Honorable Ninja's way of saying Domo for your patronage. Um, HN, I hate to break this to you but Boxing Day has nothing to do with the sport boxing. It's about boxes-- Ah-HA! Therefore, anyone who comes to the lot and is able to keep me from killing them with a box gets free tax, tag, and title. I will be waiting for you. DOMO!

Honorable Ninja, be my Valentine! by mmyers 2-14-05

Ah, a Valentine from Honorable Momma. "Dear Ninny, Happy Valentine's day. In honor of the day, I have sent a hoard of ninjas to try and kill you. Domo, Momma." DIIEEEEEEEEE! IEEE! *pant* *pant* No matter how old you get *pant*pant*, you are never too old for your mother to try and kill you. Sniff, Happy Valentine's day, momma Nin.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

H.N.U.C.-The problem with samurai clubs...(1) by mmyers 12-08-04

I love this new samurai bar. I hope this one stays open longer than the other ones. What do you mean? Everytime they open a good samurai club, ninjas show up and ruin it. Yes, I ag-- Did you just hear something? No, I didn't hear anyth...*sigh* I'll go get my sword.

H.N.U.C.-The problem with samurai clubs...(2) by mmyers 12-08-04

This appears to be a very tasteful establishment. Honorable Ninja is delighted to be here on "drink n' drown" night. Oh...uh...Honorable Ninja...we do not want any trouble. Why do you say it like that, samurai-san? Honorable Ninja is merely here to get his 'drink on', get his 'freak on', and get his 'think on', not to cause trouble. Well...good. Heh. Perhaps I can start you off with a tasty beverage? Perhaps a rum and Coke? Mmmmm, that sounds tasty. Tell me, do you take the Honorable Player's Club card? No, Honorable-san. We only take Samurai Express.

H.N.U.C.-The problem with samurai clubs (3) by mmyers 12-09-04

I'm Tom Cruise and I'm a BIG star in Hollywood on the BIG screen. I played a BIG samurai in the Last Samurai, which had a BIG budget. I'd like a BIG drink. Coming right up, Mr. Cruise. Tom Cruise, hmm? Have you ever played a ninja? Better yet, an Honorable Ninja? I've played a racecar driver, a fighter pilot, a Vietnam veteran, a killer, a sports agent, a vampire, and a secret agent. Why would I want to play a dirty old ninja? What would happen if you had to play someone who was over five feet tall, hmm? Help me help you to help my body guard to kick your ass.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

An honorable reunion (1) by mmyers 8-19-04

Honorable Ninja, Honorable Ninja! A letter just arrived for you! I accidently opened it! Read it to me, Gaijiin. It says that your class reunion is coming up and they request your presence. What do you think, Honorable-san? I think you have dishonored yourself by opening my mail. And since 'nail' rhymes with 'mail', well, you know what you must do. Awwwwwwwwwww! Ow-ow-ow. Breathe, must breathe through the pain. *fwww* Ow-ow-ow. Honorable Ninja must go see if his old Member's Only jacket still fits.

An honorable reunion (2) by mmyers 8-19-04

Honorable Ninja, you are as sleak and stealthy as you were 20 years ago. You would dishonor yourself by not attending your class reunion. Honorable Ninja-san, I have put out your formal ninja attire: your black satin gee, your pearl katanas, and your diamond shurikens. Excellent my trusty Gaijiin. Are you feeling satisfactory? You do not look well. Um, it's the nail, Honorable-san. It seems to have hindered my motor skills and my ability to perform simple math. Also, I smell watermelon all the time. But I'm fine, I think.

An honorable reunion (3) by mmyers 8-19-04

I am prepared for my reunion, Gaijiin. Make ready the Honorable mobile and let us leave. I don't know if I should be driving you there tonight. I'm a little woozy, you know, blood loss and all. Perhaps you speak true, my faithful friend. Better to catch them off guard. You honor yourself with your suggestion. You may remove the spike from your head. Really? Thanks. I'll go get my pliers. I'm off! Good night, friend Gaijiin. You will dishonor yourself is you wait up for me. Domo. Have fun, Honorable-san! Mmmm... watermelon.

An honorable reunion (4) by mmyers 8-20-04

Honorable Ninja is feeling anxiety over his impending reunion with schoolhood chums. I hope they are not still mad about that spelling bee in 8th grade. FLASHBACK... Honorable Ninja, your word is "ex-pe-di-tion-ary". Would you like me to use it in a sentence? Um... Minutes later... Honorable Ninja, if you didn't know how to spell the word, you could have just sat down. You didn't have to kill the entire group of spellers. But I won, right? By default?

An honorable reunion (5) by mmyers 8-20-04

Honorable Ninja feels foolish, pacing around the parking lot before entering like one who is lacking in good judgement. Hey Honorable Ninja. You going in? Maybe I'll see ya inside. If the bubble boy is going to the reunion then so must Honorable Ninja.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

An honorable reunion (6) by mmyers 8-20-04

Hey hey, look who just showed up! Look everyone, it's Honorable Ninja! HN, you have not aged a bit! Well, I do drink an extract made of tea-tree, aloe, and select roots and berries every morning which has slowed my aging process. I see--- Also, I keep my body trained to the peak of human perfection, when I am not selling cars, and also take the occassional ninja assignment to keep my ninja certification. Yes, of course.

An honorable reunion (7) by mmyers 8-20-04

Honorable Ninja, you were president of the Asian studies club, president of the Judo club, president of Dark Arts and Shadow Society. Captain of the Kung-Fu team, captain of the Poison Blow-Dart Team, president of the Poison and Smoke Grenade Concoctor's Club, captain of the Ninja Flying Team. President of the Ninja Self-Defense club, first chair for the tuba, and, of course, President of the Honor Society, so the question is, what have you been up to since graduation? Selling new and used vehicles at discount prices.

An Honorable Reunion (8) by mmyers 8-27-04

Hi Honorable Ninja. It's good to see you. Hai! I mean, hi. It is also equally pleasurable to see you, Morene. I hope you're enjoying the reunion and it's "Under the sea" motif. I was on the reunion planning committee. I am finding the "Under the sea' motif to be condusive to my relaxation and casual conversation. That's exactly what we wanted to happen! Then your objective has been sufficiently achieved...I must apologize. I am a little intoxicated from the punch. I usually do not gush as much as I just did.

An Honorable Reunion (9) by mmyers 8-27-04

I've wondered how you've been. I've tried to contact you but no one knew how to get ahold of you. I am shrouded in mystery and am known to be an enigma. Also, my phone number is unlisted to discourage phone solicitors. I haven't seen you since Sr. Prom when you killed those rogue samurai with balloon streamers and my wrist corsage. It was the most daring thing I've ever seen. I was but a child, impetuous and wreckless. Also, one of the samurai had borrowed my "Night Ranger" tape and refused to return it. He had to be eliminated. Well, you could have bought another Night Ranger tape, couldn't you? I could have done that, or I could have defeated them soundly in combat and then force them to impail themselves on their own swords. I think you remember which avenue I chose.

An Honorable Reunion (10) by mmyers 8-31-04

I know I shouldn't be asking this but I just have to know. Is there a Mrs. Ninja? Does the wind know what it is to embrace a child? Can the night have jealousy? Does the swan know what it is to love another swan forever? OK, the first two were kind of confusing, but as for the last one, I DO know that swans mate for life. I live by a ninja code, Maureen. It goes: Young hearts be free to tonight. Time is on your side. Never let them push 'round, never let them change your point of view. Do you really believe that or are you only saying that because Rod Stewart's "Young Turks" happens to be playing right now? Hmm...I never thought of the similarities of my ninja code and Rod Stewart's "Young Turks". This may also explain my affinity for women with 'hot legs' and my wishing to ride a downtown train.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

An Honorable Reunion (11) by mmyers 9-01-04

I don't know why we never ended up together, HN. We were so good together. Nor do I, Maureen. Talking to you now has made the feelings come rushing bac...wait, what kind of car do you drive? Why are you asking me that? It is important for the honesty of our relationship. Well, I drive a 2002 Honda Accord that I paid too much for. Ah yes, THAT is why it never worked out between us. Domo.

An Honorable Reunion (12) by mmyers 9-02-04

Well, well, well, if it isn't Honorable Ninja. It's good to see you, Gymkata. Still wearing your underwear on the outside of your clothes? Ah, Principal Ivey. The pleasure is negligible. Mm-hmm. So have you finally developed a sense of humor about the fact that you walk around dressed like a fugitive from the 1990 Rhythm Nation tour? It is my sense of humor that makes it tolerable for someone like me to be around someone like you and not glide silently into your house and use your own entrails to make you a human marionette. I think I'll just stay by the punch bowl for the remainder of the night. Really? Was it something I said?

An Honorable Reunion (13) by mmyers 9-03-04

I now present the JM Tate High school class reunion king, Honorable Ninja! Domo. Please hand me the microphone and evacuate the comic panel. Fellow students of JM Tate, once formally handsome athletes and prom queens; we are all traveling down a road, the same road in different directions. But the destination is the same. It is how we get there that differentiates us. Some are driving nice, affordable cars they purchased from Honorable Ninja Used cars, while others were financially disembowled by other carlots.

An honorable reunion (fin) by mmyers 9-03-04

We are all vehicles, in and of ourselves, and although someone make take their vehicle and adorn it with spinning hubcaps and tailfins and two-tone paint... The vehicle is still the excrement the farmer scrapes from his shoes and the person is merely the grass blades woven into it. It is the engine and the interior that makes the automobile. Domo. How was the reunion, Honorable-san? Sometimes the weight on one's shoulders is less difficult when it is gotten off your chest, Gaiijin. Prepare my bath as I ready myself for bed. Tomorrow is another day.

and a bonus in case you've read all of those.

Honorable Ninja bonus feature by mmyers 3-09-05

These new self flushing toilets are gonna be great. Much more sanitary and--holy crud, somebody's already pooped in this one and it didn't flush. T-that's impossible! Selling used cars is not the only thing Honorable Ninja does with stealth and secrecy. Even your finest technology cannot catch me. Honorable Ninja Used Cars, where you can come in to pick up or drop off a load. Domo! Dammit, now I need my plunger.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.