FTCX: New and Improved the Pig Squealing Redneck Doll. by tau926 11-22-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A blet sander! What would you like for christmas, little girl? Matches! What would you like for christmas, little being? A redneck that squeals like a pig when you pull the string!

I could have sworn I posted the other three, too, but here they are again for posterity.

FTC X: Farrakhan Claus by MikeyG 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! Oh look! A celebrity is in our midst! Hey, what's with all that beef between you and 50 Cent, Ja? *sniff* He called me a Wanksta!

FTC X: 'Twas the Night Before Kiss Ms. by MikeyG 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what can Santa give YOU for Christmas, Mr. Alien? Forgiveness, I guess, and a new penis. I found out the hard way that Mrs. Claus can suck an Elephant through 100 feet of fiber optic cable.

FTC X: Spielburg's Gonna Be Furious! by MikeyG 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what can I do for YOU this fine Christmas, little alien? To phone home. Sorry, man. I couldn't resist.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

FTC X:-mas (2) by jes_lawson 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! I'm freakin' sick of the Base Commander bringing his kids here each year! At least you get to go out once a year! I'm fed up looking at God damned Area 51!

FTC X:-Mas (3) by jes_lawson 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! So what do you need, apart from a miracle? Probes. Lots of probes.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I bet the grey wants probe covers, too, jes :D

FTC X: A Cheap Trick by umfumdisi 11-24-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what do you want for Christmas? I Want You...To Want Me!

FTC X: One Disappointed Kid by umfumdisi 11-24-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! So you guys got ALL the items I requested? Everythin' but the belt sander--Home Depot wuz plumb out.

FTC X-Files by umfumdisi 11-24-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! Christmas Eve...time to complete our trade. I will harvest our youth whom you have raised and taught a trade. And I get to deliver toys in the Super Sexy Space Sled!

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

FTCX: The Santa and Paris Chain. by UnknownEric 11-24-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! What would you like for Christmas, Paris Hilton? I would like... hey, is that a video camera?

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I has a flavor!

XTC F: Or, I Am SO Sorry, Andy Partridge... by UnknownEric 11-24-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! What would you like for Christmas? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... senses working oooooo-ver-time!

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I has a flavor!

FTC X: Take me to your Department Store by mmyers 11-25-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what would you like, little grey man? I'd like to get velcro back...and also microwave ovens...and anything else you guys ripped off from us.

FTC X: Planet Santa by mmyers 11-25-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what can I do for you, grey naked thing? Our sensors reveal that you are guilty of kissing Mother and threatening her with your Missile Toes. Prepare to be disembowled.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I'm going to judge in about 7 or 8 hours, so any late-hour submitters should start late-hour submitting their late-hour submissions.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

SHALL I SUBMIT WANGS?

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

I'd be insulted if you didn't.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

First of all, I'd like to say that if there was a "Damn, I wish I would have thought of that" award, it would surely go to flickguy, since FTCX-mas would have been the perfect title of this thread had my brain cells been firing instead of rebelling against my parietal lobe.

Funniest Comic to Nerds

Goes to: DragonXero

For the Comic:

FTCX: That Crazy Martian by DragonXero 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what would you like for Christmas, little, uh, Grey? An Illudium 36 Space Modulator!

Most Sexual

Goes to: thochaos

For the Comic:

FTCX: Fat Ted's Crazy X-mas by thochaos 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what would you like for Christmas, little grey? I'd love for you to empty your sack all over me, big boy.

Best Pun

Goes to: thochaos

For the Comic:

FTCX: Fat Ted's Crazy X-mas by thochaos 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what would you like for Christmas, little grey? I'd love for you to empty your sack all over me, big boy.

Best Title

Goes to: MikeyG

For the Comic:

FTC X: Come All Ye Gray-ful by MikeyG 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what would YOU like for Christmas, little...um...giant gray Q-Tip with eyes...? Man, why it gotta be a gray thang?

Which means:

Bonus Award

Goes to: MikeyG

For:

FTC X: Come All Ye Gray-ful by MikeyG 11-21-03

So what would you like for Christmas, little boy? A belt sander! What would you like for Christmas, little girl? Matches! And what would YOU like for Christmas, little...um...giant gray Q-Tip with eyes...? Man, why it gotta be a gray thang?

Psychic Award

Goes to: no one

My Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTCX-mas in the Burn Ward']

Creativity Award

Goes to: pslock

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTCX: Covert Christmas']

Bronze Award of Excellence

Goes to: smamurai

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'Spunk'd On Dreams.']

Funniest Rule-Breaker

Goes to: thochaos

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTCX: I think I'm cheating']

Silver Award of Excellence

Goes to: MikeyG

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC X: Come All Ye Gray-ful']

Zinger Award (And the host of Fill This Chasm 11)

Goes to: Rabid_Weasle

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FFCX: Mommy']

Congrats, all.

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To the next HOST:
-Use the awardslist.txt in http://www.drigon.com/~ta/awards/ in order to make your award list. Just copy and paste it.
-read ftcrules.txt in http://www.drigon.com/~ta/awards/ if you are hosting, also.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Woooo! I won another one. Good competition everyone, I'll go make a new contest in a little bit. Just gotta think up a comic first...

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Poop.

WOOHOO! I won an award for something! Thank you ObiJo for your benevolent benevolence. :)

Hey, I did pretty good this time around! And they were all won by the same comic. Yay!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Heh I was aiming for most sexual and I got it! Thank you! Heh heh heh

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

I got da bronze. Woot etc. Cheers.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

I guess an almost-award is better'n nothing.

Great contest ObiJo!

(and great entries, everyone.)

Congrats, weasel.

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This is not my empire.