This is not an actual commercial. Explaination after this message:

Brad is awesome. by Oriana 5-13-04

Would you loan me $200? Uh, no. It's to travel to someone's house and kick them in the teeth. Oh, in that case, yes definitely.

I saw a truck with an American flag on the side of it (three of them actually) going down the road. Each were filled with 4 men in the cab, who were obviously all Mexican. One also had an extra man in the back of the truck who seemed very happy and also very Mexican. Below the American flag decal, it read "All-American Lawn Service". This is what I imagined a commercial for them would be like.

I'm still curious to know why it takes a total of 13 men and three trucks to care for your lawn.

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What brad thinks of Oriana: sweet my money bell went off

I finally got around to doing this one.

Anti-drug Commercial K4 by kaufman 5-27-04

Go ahead. Tell her that you locked away her parents where they'll be brutally beaten and molested, ... ... broke up her family, and are taking her to an orphanage, all because mommy and daddy smoked pot. She'll understand.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

McDonald's Goes After A More Urban Market 1 by MikeyG 6-04-04

Yo yo yo! I need some food, I'm a hungry M.C.! Hit me off wit dat MizzickeyD's! Hash browns, french fries, choc'lit shake wit mawshmallow... They'll fry anythang y'all want in that sweet beef tallow! Excuse me, a bitch is on mah dick and rubbin' it... So peace y'all, from MickeyD's....I'm lubba-lubba-lovin' it.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Damnit, that was fucking brilliant! So brilliant that those swear words were completely justified. :)

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

May I Have Your Attention Please? by choadwarrior 6-08-04

If you feel distracted, disorganized, and unable to concentrate, you may have Adult ADD. Hmmm...that kind of sounds like me. Go to our website, www.adultADD.com and take a simple test to find out. I'm going to do that right now. It's time for Ikea's twice-a-year sale! Yup, I'm going to Ikea right now.

Anti-Marijuana Ads Spoof 7 by MikeyG 6-18-04

Man, I'm hungrier than a Twinkie-deprived overeater. Look, a nun! The Lord is my shepherd. I shall NOT rub my bible against my naughty spot... Be my lunch, bitch! AUUUGGGHHHH!!!! Marijuana: It could turn you into a nun-eating cannibal. Mmmm....Filet Mign-nun....

Anti-Marijuana Ads Spoof 8 by MikeyG 6-22-04

I'm soooo wasted! I took too many bong hits. I'm all horny now and stoned. What am I gonna do? Marijuana: It makes dead people really, really sexy. I'm gonna fuck this dead guy I dug up in the butt!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Blame it on Walt by kaufman 10-07-04

o/` When you wish upon a star, Makes no difference who you are. o/` Hurricane Charley, you just achieved Category 5. What are you going to do now? I'M GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!!!!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Do You Have The Edge in a Bottle? by CHUBBY 10-03-04

RING. You have reached Aspen Edge, the super-premium low-carb beer with the great taste. Please leave a message after the beep. Hello, Aspen Edge. I've never called beer before. Your radio ad campaign, where a series of skeptical wiseacres call and leave you sarcastic messages doubting that you could really brew ... ... a low-carb beer with great taste, would be hysterically, fall-down funny if it HAD great taste. If it had any taste at all. But it doesn't. BEEP. Aspen Edge? Isn't it true that if one drinks enough beer that switching to a low-carb brand is going to make a difference in one's diet, that one is not only fat, but an alcoholic? BEEP. Aspen? Can't I make my own low-carb beer by mixing Bud and water 50-50? BEEP. Ass? I feel I know you by now. Can't I drink distilled spirits and get no carbs? Why would I drink this donkey piss? BEEP. Hallo dere! You is de low carber and I is de low carbee. When you be makin' a low-carb malt liquor in a 40? My baby mother be gettin fat in the bootay. And I gots to make a bootay call. BEEP. Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it! BEEP. BEEP. Um, isn't this just light beer? BEEP. Why is Aspen Edge like making love in a canoe? Give up? BEEP. Are you any relation to The Edge?

Do You Have The Edge in a Bottle? The Saga Continues... by CHUBBY 10-03-04

RING. You have reached Aspen Edge, the super-premium low-carb beer with the great taste. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP. Hey, I've got a new slogan for you: "Buy enough of this shitty beer and maybe Pete Coors will forget about running for the Senate." BEEP. Whatever happened to "malternatives"? BEEP. YOU SUCK! BEEP. Isn't it true the DuPonts consider the Coors to be "a little wacky"? BEEP. Whatever happened to dry beer? BEEP. Yo' mama! BEEP. Whatever happened to ice beer? BEEP. Hey, what are you wearing? BEEP. Whatever happened to clear beer? BEEP. Low carbonation? So I can drink it without URRRRRP! BEEP. Whatever happened to Champale? You know, the ale you drink like champagne? BEEP. I had to stop drinking your beer. That and the low-fat Twinkies were making me TOO skinny! BEEP. My name is Sue, and I'm an alcoholic. I've had nothing to drink since March 3, except Aspen Edge. BEEP. You should call it Dull Edge! BEEP. In a few months, are you going to come out with an ad campaign that says low-carb beer is a crock, like Bud did? BEEP. I'd rather drink my own urine. BEEP. I'd rather drink someone else's urine. BEEP. I have a great marketing strategy for you. Don't distribute east of the Mississippi. BEEP. You have reached a number that has been disconnected.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx