Fuj:

I asked around and I got the following:

1. Go to the Empire State building TWICE. Once during the day, and once at night. The contrast is awesome.

2. Go to Central Park. It's bigger than Whitehead and Carrick combined, and it's still just a park. get out before susnset but it's still wicked.

3. Madison Square Gardens.

4. Any tourist ferry which goes round the Statue of Liberty.

5. Buy your brother a digital camera.

6. Not like you were planning to but don't go to Harlem, Bronx or Queens

7. At this point the conversation got blurry, but it was something to do with not going to Virgin Megastore, or you'll meet some girl you went to school with.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I liked and disliked NY when I went last summer. Whenever my family and I walked around there was bums and garbage piling up everywhere. And our hotel was the Mariott in TIMES SQUARE. Everything was dirty, but I guess thats because I come from good ol' Chicago. However, I did like new york's vast size. I bought a "Zoo York Not For Losers" Jersey and went to the bronx zoo and everything else in between wuz fun. But I dislike the garbage and homeless people.

I'm so sorry that the homeless people bothered you and ruined your fun time. They should present themselves better. Because, they do eat out of the garbage and sleep outside in the streets!!!!!!!!

Oh my god, I actually laughed at something boinky said. The end is nigh.

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

I don't know if I should be offended or not.

If you go down to the Bronx, though, ask around for Pumpkin. He'll hook you up with what you need.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

<3!!

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

New York is not a cesspool anymore. And there's no reason NOT to go down to Harlem. Most sections of it have been so gentrified (Magic Johnson's Starbucks and what not) that it's not nearly as bad as everyone thinks it is. And the Bronx has some beautiful sections as well. Check out the Botanical Gardens if you can. Pass on the Bronx Zoo and DEFINITELY pass on the Central Park Zoo.

Another beautiful place to check out is the Cloisters, also known as Museum Mile. It's on 5th Avenue between E 79th and E 85th streets. Remember the EAST part, it's important.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The Cloisters I know is up at the tippy-top of Manhattan, accessible from the northbound West Side Highway. And worth seeing.

Is it important? 5th Ave. divides the East and West sides, and since all west of 5th there is Central Park, no one should have trouble figuring out which side of the street the attractions are on.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Oh yeah, check out the MOMA, that is if you're into art museums.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

It's important if you're an idiot with directions like I am. It's important if you're from another country and an idiot with directions.

Other than that, no, it's inconsequential.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

That only works if you throw in certain other gratuities.

For you, maybe.

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

5. Buy your brother a digital camera.

Nice try bruv, but you're getting the same thing for xmas that you get every year. A lump of coal and Dad's copy of razzle minge.

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"You grew up like brothers, and your teachers must have told you that North and South must not fight!

You can eat cheap and well in NYC. Just not in the posh places.

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What others say about boorite!

quote:

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I've been tracking the dollar's strength against the pound and euro for the last two months--don't worry Fuj, anything you buy here will seem cheap to you (including a digital camera for your brother).

In fifteen years, I have never seen the dollar as weak against the pound as it is now $1.93!!!!! When I went to the UK and Europe 4 years ago; the pound was $1.47 and the euro was $0.91. The euro was $1.33 yesterday.

I'm planning a trip somewhere to Europe for early 2005 and I'm somewhat in a state of shock over how expensive this will be for me this time around.

"My son's gonna be the greatest thing to happen to this city since Mayor Giulliani secretly had all those homeless people killed!"

So what happened?

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Well, I got Gout in my fucking left toe and it hurt like a 12 year old's anus after mis-reading the audition door for Willy Wanka in "Chocolate Chaos!" for the classic Dahl novel.

Obviously you know what happened, sadly, upon my return.

I will be documenting the nyc trip in strip form soon. Thanks 2 everyone who offered their sagely advice without which I probably would have been arrested.

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"You grew up like brothers, and your teachers must have told you that North and South must not fight!

Skipping dinners out, in the posh places, is not the point of going to New York.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

What IS the point of going to New York, then?