i got beat up by a gang of metalheads for saying all metalheads are gay because of rob halford :\

---
xx( o Y o. )xx

I always thought metalheads were gay because they're not nearly as badass as they think they are.

I always thought metalheads were gay because those 80s metal videos are incredibly homoerotic.  What with all the spandex and the guys touching each other and the makeup and the hair...

---
I has a flavor!

HCRoyall

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

---

I'm guessing that must mean I was naive enough to think people west of Texas and north of Virginia were smart enough to allow bartenders to do so.

---

Oh no, I agree completely that bartenders should have shotguns under the bar. I don't think a single bar around here doesn't have one. Even the bowling alley does.

But this is Britain. Last time I was there, my guide told me to bury my keys deep in my luggage (a large ring of lab keys on a chain that I kept on my belt) because if I used it in self defense, my attacker could sue me for assault and I might lose. And if someone tried to rape me, I was better off just lying there and thanking the guy for not killing me instead of fighting back.

Now, I don't know if it's the same now, but considering there was a recent call in the UK to ban pointed kitchen knives because they are deadly weapons, well...let's just say I doubt they'd let bartenders have a shotgun under the counter.

Also, people tried tobeat me up a lot in elementary school because my dad was law enforcement and was constantly arresting my classmates' older siblings for underage drinking and poaching in the park. By the time high school rolled around, people just pretended I didn't exist.

UnknownEric

I always loved watching the big butch guys at my high school talk about how awesome Twisted Sister and Whitesnake were. They didn't like it when anyone pointed out how effeminite they all were.

I haven't been in tons of fights, and am not too good at doing it, but in one of my last ones a guy in a bar put me in a headlock so I picked him up and dumped him ass-first into a 55 gallon drum that was being used as a trash can. His head and legs were the only thing sticking out and his girlfriend had to help extricate him. Tee hee hee!

I think anyone in most of the States, even the most anti-victim ones like New Jersey, is in a poor position to advise a UK citizen on use of force. The UK makes New Jersey look like the Wild West.

See, if some whacko I didn't know attacked me on a city street at 2 AM in the US, he'd be very lucky if I didn't let some air out of his neck. I'm not saying that's a good thing, considering that lima got out with no blood on the sidewalk and no charges pending and no angry chav looking to avenge his brother. I can't say that would be the case if it had been me.

But where I live, a law-abiding citizen can walk around with a Buck knife and a .357 on his hip, and it's the deranged, unemployed dope fiend attacking you in the street who is considered the criminal. UK lawmakers think we have that backwards. So I have no idea what I'd do in lima's shoes. Probably what he did.

Still, even though mere possession of a blackjack or pocket knife would probably get you 2 years in the UK, there may be options. A stout little metal flashlight or pen or umbrella or even a hairbrush is a huge improvement on bare knuckles and may not be considered an "offensive weapon" in the UK. I say "may not" because the authorities there are so fucking insane, I don't know what they'll say next.

Maybe you can dream up a professional reason why you need to have a screwdriver or wrench on your person at all times.

---
What others say about boorite!

I should add that I'm a little, skinny desk jockey, and so I feel that going fast for the throat is my only chance of stopping anything like a real attack. Bigger, tougher guys may have more slack. Then again, maybe they don't. I dunno, because I've never been a tough guy.

---
What others say about boorite!

As a super hero, I get into many battles, and I always triumph, for I am DAAAAARWIIIIIIIING DUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!

---
Let's get dangerous!

boorite

 

fuck yes. even the toughest guy in the world ain't gonna do much with a knife in his throat.

except maybe bleed on you profusely.

---
Kill Whitey.

Liquid laxatives in his last drink of the night.

---
the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

crackpantherif you were schwartzenegger, you'd have then said "time to take out the trash" or maybe "what a piece of garbage."

and then had sex with every chick in the place. even the ugo's. why? because schwartzenegger? he's a giver.

---
what if nigger meant kite

There's been a recent wave of stabbings and shootings here in the UK but it's for the most part poor inner-city kids who want "respect" and the latest mobile phone who are cutting and mugging each other*

I hate to say this but as a middle-class adult white male who lives in a quiet suburb, and who has the awareness to stay out of dangerous situations, unless I go looking for trouble, I'm not likely to see any in this country. I'd sooner walk through any town in New Jersey on a Saturday night than Middlesbrough. Not that I would.

 

Oh, word from a policewoman I know here too: re improvised weapons that you can get away with in the UK. Small metal flashlights are great, car keys for poking eyes, and you would even get away with an improvised flamethrower in the form of a lighter and a can of hairspray or similar. My favourite that she told me are to carry sharpened pencils for jamming in your potential attacker/rapist's thigh. Break off the end once you hit an artery.**

 

*Apart from the guy who shot a pregnant woman in a row over a parking space.

** Jes_Lawson takes no responsibility for potential criminal actions or eye-gougin' 

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

So do the police still not carry guns over there or what?

BigFrank105

Of course not. Just dirty great big boots with which to kick people to death. I don't think british police need guns. My dad's a copper, and every one of his mates in the force were huge. One guy, at 6ft 5, was dwarfed by only one person.... his 6ft 6 wife, who was also in the police (and quite cute, if a little freakish-looking at first sight).

People tend to trust the police over here, I think. Theres no british copper whose going to pull up a fourteen year old tourist for 'jay walking' without telling him what the hell 'jay walking' is. Or maybe I was unlucky..

I always carry my keys around with me, so if I think somethings about to start, I get em ready in my pocket. But thankfully I've never actually been in a fight, I'm a pretty laid back guy so people tend to get on with me (to my face anyway).

The main problem around here is Neds, they just love to pick fights for fuck all reason, and there is always a group of them. I nearly got jumped once, or stabbed as the guy had a knive, but thankfully I managed to talk my way out of it (the guy wasn't that big, I probably could have taken him, but it was his 7 mates standing just across the road that bothered me)

I was pretty fucking glad to get home in one piece that night.

But that aside I've never had any trouble, but loads of my mates have been jumped, for fuck all reason. Just the wrong place at the wrong time I guess.

---
The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

lima

I like it when I get pulled over for a "broken taillight" and the next thing I know, I'm being beaten and charged with running a white slave ring.

Okay not really, but I don't trust most of the cops here. A few are good, but the rest are power hungry bastards who are so insecure about having a small dick that they take it out on the rest of us. I'm predisposed to trusting police thanks in part to my father, but after living here, it's a miracle I don't run screaming whenever I see a white Impala.

[Click to view comic: 'Long Hot Summer']

fuck the police and i say it with authority

---
what if nigger meant kite

The problem is that 99% of cops might be swell professionals, but it only takes one fuckup to ruin your week.

South Louisiana had some blue-ribbon police work going on when I was there, like the time the LaPlace police pulled over a couple of black guys on the Interstate and wouldn't let them go without a bribe. The black guys wrote a check, and the crooked police actually cashed it. The Feds became very interested in this canceled check.

---
What others say about boorite!

I have this theory that life and death power over your fellow man is damaging to your psyche. So over time armed cops become assholes. Maybe UK cops are better tempered because they can't kill anyone anytime.

---
-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

A friend of mine, Kerri, was just telling me this story at work today about a co-worker of hers at her other job. This should show you just how efficient Canadian police are (and before someone asks, no, they aren't all mounties and ride horses. In fact, the RCMP [royal canadian mounted police] here in saskatoon have a Camaro that they drive around in the summer)

So, anyways, Kerri works at a video rental place in a less-than-fantastic part of town. There haven't really been a lot of problems recently in this specific area, and its well lit and lots of businesses... Oh well. So her coworker was done his shift at about 9pm, was walking out to his car, and this guy comes up to him, demanding money. This guy is holding a big metal pipe. Co-worker just ignores him, and tries to get into his car, so as to not create a huge scene. He ends up getting hit in the back with said pipe. The guy with the pipe looked like he was about to start shit-kicking him, so the co-worker gets up and high tails it back into the store.
After the police were called, and they came in, and spent over an hour getting a description of said attacker, they proceed to tell him that there's little chance of finding the guy, he's probably long gone by now.

DUH. You spent an hour getting a description. Our police like to set speed traps rather than cruise around, making sure that people aren't getting beat with pipes for no reason.

Oh, also, my 13 year old sister got propositioned for drugs while going to see a movie with two of her friends of the same age. I heart Saskatoon.

---
Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

i live in cleveland, ohio.

 your story, chilling though it may be, seemed kinda like a tale from a place that's just starting to think about a downward slide instead of inventing new paths for the carcass of humanity to slide down.

the fact that people still try to rob you armed with a length of pipe should be a dead giveaway...

---
Kill Whitey.

We got pulled over for drink-driving last night. Ridiculously laid-back experience. I don't think I'm going to go into details just yet as lead-pipes and firearms were definitley not involved and it would just bore you to know 90% of routine police work is uneventful and paperwork-based.

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

little_kitty
Is it a bitchin' Camaro? Do they go see Crystal Shit singing "Love me two times, baby / Cause I got AIDS"?

---
I has a flavor!

I've got this slipped into the space between the driver's seat and the door in my car.

It's a 6 D-cell Maglite, not a giant black dildo. It weighs about 5 pounds. Possibly at some later date it will serve as the beatdown stick that it is.

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.