the question i was posing was whether people who cheat deserve to be cheated on. whether it's okay to cheat out of revenge is a whole different question, since it depends on the person who would then have to go do the revenge cheating, and that may not be in their nature, as someone else said. if you revenge cheat on someone and then dump them, that person may not only feel bad they were cheated on, but now also feel bad about themself

no, what i'm saying is that people who cheat deserve to be cheated on at some time in their future. some people fool themselves and believe in karma or that "what goes around comes around" but the universe doesn't default to this. it isn't at all guaranteed to happen. but do cheaters deserve it to? yup

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what if nigger meant kite

pita

I wish I could spare your feelings, pita, I really do. I don't want you to take my feelings on the subject and apply them so personally. I have total respect for you and think you're awesome.

That being said, my answer still stands. I don't know a single couple who has mended their relationship after an affair and lived happily ever after. They usually fight a lot, sore feelings come out when they least expect it. A cheating partner, in my opinion, ruins the whole thing. That's not to say that forgiveness isn't possible, it simply isn't possible to continue the relationship in a normal, healthy way. I would not expect anyone to stay with me after cheating, and if they did I would lose respect for them every day they stayed. I don't care how much I love them or they love me, something lead me out of our relationship, which means something was broken to begin with. Cheating made it more broken. Is it really worth it to fight and struggle for something that wasn't even stable to begin with? Again, my opinion here: no.

Forgiveness post relationship is possible. Trust is even possible. That same loving relationship is not. Hurt feelings hide in places until you're just comfortable enough that they slip out.

I have personally tried to make too many relationships work after my partner has cheated on me (sometimes more than once), and it isn't worth it, to me, to go through all the pain of trying to rebuild something that took so long to build together in the first place. Plus, the cheater and the cheated on are both in such a rush to return to normal activities (and just plain make it bearable if they're living together) that they don't take the proper time to heal and process.

To mandingo: I wouldn't wish for cheating to happen to someone who cheated on me. I obviously cared about them at some point. And I would seriously want them to be happy, despite all of my feelings of hurt, betrayal, and jealousy. Life isn't worth it if you're just going to carry around a whole mess of emotional baggage all your life. And yes, as I'm saying this, I'm aware of my perfectly packed luggage that trails along behind me. But at the same time, it's only going to disappear if I work through it, not if I find out that the persons involved recieved a taste of their own medicine.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

As someone who worked as a private investigator for several years I can say that I never saw a reconciliation work. Now, that doesn't mean people never reconcile, it just means that when they do I pretend they didn't.

Chicka, I have a newfound respect for you younguns. 

"Forgiveness post relationship is possible. Trust is even possible. That same loving relationship is not. Hurt feelings hide in places until you're just comfortable enough that they slip out. "

Where were you when, for the first 5 months or so afterward, I was treated like gold and thought I had my friend and lover back?  He not only did exactly what you said, but then started to actually punish me.  He never took the time to properly heal or process (I don't think he knew how), and I was too depressed to notice.

One thing I don't understand is why you would lose respect for them just because they made the choice to stay with you, though.  I actually respected him more for that, because he at least genuinely attempted to do something I don't think I could.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

attitudechickaluckily those two things aren't mutually exclusive though. and the latter comes with the added bonus prize of teaching some people fidelity by getting knocked upside the head with the golden rule

crackpantherlool

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what if nigger meant kite

pita

Because staying, to me, is like admitting defeat. Like you're not good enough to find someone who is going to respect you. Of the times I've stayed, looking back on it, that's what I see in myself - I felt like I deserved to be cheated on, made up reasons and excuses for my partner of why they would cheat (things I wasn't doing or was doing too often), etc. And all I did was wear myself down and add to the pain that was already there. But even still, until that better part of me learns to take over, I'd probably still do the same thing again, and that better part of me would still lose respect for me.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I'm agreeing with Chicka. If boorite cheated on me, and we broke up, I would be angry and might say something like I hope he gets a taste of it, but I wouldn't really mean it (Of course, boorite already had a taste of it from previous relationships, so that wouldn't do me any good). Despite what happened, I'd still care for him and wouldnt want to see him hurt. Despite everything my mother has done to me and my family, I hate seeing how shitty her current husband treats her. I still want her to be happy, despite everything she's done (and despite me not being able to completely forgive her).

Quit agreeing with me. You're all making me feel smart.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

OKay, now that that's all settled--

 

Who's up for some ass-fun?

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

pita

That is, of course, assuming that people are in the relationship for love.  There are other reasons, I suppose:  to dominate the other person, to make yourself believe you won't be alone forever, etc.  But people at least pretend it's about love, so I commented thusly.

pita

True.  And not just because of the bad scripting and Danny DeVito being the kiss of death to most movies where he plays more than a cameo role.  Actually, it's funny thing:  I was thinking of that movie when I wrote my response.

mandingothe question i was posing was whether people who cheat deserve to be cheated on. whether it's okay to cheat out of revenge is a whole different question, since it depends on the person who would then have to go do the revenge cheating, and that may not be in their nature, as someone else said.

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In that case, the question is so general that the only answer is "it depends on many factors."  Too many to type out all possible scenarios to any degree of specificity unless I have years to do it and get a PhD when I'm done.  Here's a subset:  Is the cheater genuinely regretful?  Were they going through problems (alcoholism, depression, tribbles in the bathtub, etc.) which might make for extenuating circumstances?  Would cheating done by the other person be disproportionaly painful for the original cheater, etc. etc.  You could go on forever.

 

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"Old" is the old new.

I just want to put it out there that if any of you guys here get cheated on and want to get the ultimate revenge, I'm available and discreet.

Scyessthe question i was posing was whether people who cheat deserve to be cheated on. whether it's okay to cheat out of revenge is a whole different question, since it depends on the person who would then have to go do the revenge cheating, and that may not be in their nature, as someone else said.

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In that case, the question is so general that the only answer is "it depends on many factors." Too many to type out all possible scenarios to any degree of specificity unless I have years to do it and get a PhD when I'm done. Here's a subset: Is the cheater genuinely regretful? Were they going through problems (alcoholism, depression, tribbles in the bathtub, etc.) which might make for extenuating circumstances? Would cheating done by the other person be disproportionaly painful for the original cheater, etc. etc. You could go on forever.

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any ethical question could go on forever. if you're to really break it down it comes down to assumptions you make based on your individual, relative set of value systems. this pretty much goes without saying so to bring it up is a red herring. you have to adopt a framework and "comment thusly" as you just admitted to doing anyway, then bite off a piece that appeals to you and express your relative opinion on the relative morality of the adopted framework. once you realize this, most debates become about as exciting as arguing over your favorite color

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what if nigger meant kite

AccentuateNegativeLong as I'm not the catcher, I'll keep that in mind.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

mandingo

My favorite color is worth arguing over.  I love sky blue.  Not

azure, cerulean, navy-blue, midnight-blue, cadet-blue, robin's-egg-blue, baby-blue, ultramarine, aquamarine, electric-blue, steel-blue, Windsor, Squill, Wedgewood, or Federal blue...

It must be sky blue.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Seafoam green 4 evar!

I clicked on this thread thinking it said "The Scarlet Pole."

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What others say about boorite!

When I  first read that I though it said "The Scarlet Hole".

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

When I first read that I thought it said, "Black on black muscle guys huge cocks click here."

Alas, there was nowhere to click.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

not_Scyess

 

I just sat here for five minutes clicking that.

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What others say about boorite!

i'm in ur threadses clicking ur linkss

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what if nigger meant kite

ivytheplantSeafoam Green is People!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

kaufmanSeafoam Green is People!

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i watched that movie recently and captured this image thinking it might be where the band Green Day took its name from. but it turns out it's just a pot reference. kids nowadays. i didn't fight in the great war so they could live in a hippy van fucking up my theories

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what if nigger meant kite

Yeah. And that one album title of theirs -- "Dookie". I thought it was about the influence of abstract expressionism on postminimalist formalism. Turns out it's just a scatological reference. Hrmph!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Zaster Yeah. And that one album title of theirs -- "Dookie". I thought it was about the influence of abstract expressionism on postminimalist formalism. Turns out it's just a scatological reference.

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if it's green poo, my theory's back in the game

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what if nigger meant kite