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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I've just realiesed my last entry isn't rules-compliant!

What a fool I am!

Oh well, I guess this means I AIN'T NOBODY'S BITCH! either...

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CC139: Oh, Baby, Can't Do This To Me Baby by deucepm 8-24-02

Okaaaay,,,now look up...now look down... All right, Mr. Ceratops, I'm going to administer a solution made from salivary glands that should clear this right up. You'll need to lie down for a few hours. So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye? I'm over here, Mr. Ceratops.

I know. It sucks. Leave me alone. I haven't entered one of these competitions in months.

CC 139 - Doctor, Doctor, can't you see I'm burning, burning by lara7 8-24-02

I feel awful, Doctor. There are shivers down my spine, Body's aching all the time. Hmmm...in addition to these flu-like symptoms,do you also have extreme pain in your genital area? Well, now that you mention it, yes. You have Herpes. You should never have unprotected sex again, unless your partner already has herpes as well. Speaking of which, are you free for dinner in about a weeek and a half?

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

CC139 - Doctor! Doctor! Entry 5: Traditional Medicine by Shadow_Artist 8-25-02

Oh Rich Asian Doctor Girl, I get such terrible headaches. It feels like there's a six-elephant orgy going on in my head! Elephant orgy you say? Well, there is a new drug on the market that is proven to completely stop headaches of all kinds. It'll cost you $24,000 a pill, and you'll need to take six a day. I'm just a poor boy from a poor family. I can't afford such treatment! Do you have any other medicine? Well, there is an alternative treatment we could try... Moments later... So how long do you think it will take for the evil spirits to leak away? Evil spirits? I was just going to suggest you get plenty of rest...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

Here's an attempt...I guess

CC 139: Terminally Stupid by punkrockskaboy 8-25-02

Doctor, What's the diagnosis? how can I break this to you? Doc, what is it? Well, let me put it this way. If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on. Carry on? Cuz nothin really matters? I'll heal!? No, because you're gonna die and I dont wanna run the risk of catching what you've got.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

#2

CC 139 Entry #2: Bohemian Diabetes by punkrockskaboy 8-25-02

Doctor! DOCTOR! What's happening to me, I think I'm dying! CHRIST BOB! What's wrong? I don't know! Bob, you know you have diabetes, why haven't you taken an insulin shot?!? I guess I should have thought of that earlier, now I've gone and thrown it all away. You threw away your insulin? Yep, you're gonna die.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

#3

CC 139 Entry #3: Classic ROCK (pun intended) by punkrockskaboy 8-25-02

AHHHH!!! Dr. MeHoff, Thank God! It's a good thing I made this call, what the hell happened to your arm? Caught in a landslide. Look out! Here comes another one! are you delirious? No, no. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see! Aw shit.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

CC 139: Bend over and take it like a man, bitch. by mutsje2000 8-25-02

I've found myself asking these really deep questions... Do go on... Like... Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? I see... Doc... what's wrong with me? I think you got hit by the big gay bus.

/benny/

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My metaphors are metafives...

Contest 139, y'all by il_schmucko 8-25-02

Doctor, you gotta help me! I'm suffering from a disordered state in which my surroundings seem to whirl dizzily. Mama mia! Mama mia! Mama mia! Vertigo!

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

CC 139: Make sure they're accredited! by kaufman 8-25-02

So doctors, where did you get your Galilee U. Galilee U. medical degrees? Galilee U. Galilee U. Galilee U. Vega Rho.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 139: Biplanean Rhapsody by kaufman 8-25-02

Doctor, I have a bad stomach ache. Hmmm... might be Murcury poisoning, there's been a lot of that going around. Any idea what happened to you? Well, I was fine till this guy said he had invented an airplane. So I ate him. We'll need to do emergency surgery. I need to open you up now. But why? What are you going to do? I've just got to get Wright -- just got to get Wright out of here!

CC 139: Ask Dr. Kaufman by kaufman 8-25-02

I worry about my pet vulture starving. What will he eat if I'm not back again this time tomorrow? Carrion, carrion. I'm buying a house from Clark Kent, and I'm hoping my agent can arrange for some of his old costumes to convey with the property. What are my prospects? You might be able to get a pair of tights, but that will be it. Expect no "S" cape from realty. Hey, I love your show. I listen to it every day in my restaurant. Come by and I'll make you a complementary sandwich. What's your preference? BLT, bub! Have a table set aside for me!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

End Contest.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Contest 139.2 by il_schmucko 8-25-02

What's the problem, Felipe? Doc, you gotta help me. I just came back from Egypt and I have a stomachace. Did you eat anything unusual while you were there? One thing--a frothy dessert with beetles in it. Scarab mousse! Scarab mousse! If you inquire as to my dancing ability, I will castrate you dentally.

if it is a pun war you want, a pun war you shall have.

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

Contest 139.3 by il_schmucko 8-25-02

Here's your sandwich, doctor. But I ordered a BLT, bub. Right, so what's the problem? What's the problem? Well, I'll let the sandwich tell you. I'm just a po'boy.

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

Contest 139.4 by il_schmucko 8-25-02

All right, doctor. I'm ready for my urinalysis. But you're here for a prostate exam. No urine test will be necessary. Are you sure? I mean, I'm pretty positive I could produce a few thousanths of a liter. Piss mils? Ah, no! I will not let you go!

...and i'm spent.

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

In On the Action by Namgubed 8-25-02

Doctor you must help my son! He was playing near the toxic waste dump, and his ears have begun to mutate! Spare him his life from this monstrosity! Bring him in, and I'll examine him right away. My goodness, Billy! It looks like you've grown two feet since I've seen you last.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule.

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

...and in return for your kindness, lara, i dedicate this one to you:

Contest 139.5 - Lunch Break by il_schmucko 8-26-02

Oh, baby! Yes! Yes! Yes! Take those vitals! Ooh, yeah! Give me that injection, doc! That's right! Take two of THOSE and call me in the morning! Unggh! I'm feeling better already! Thank you, nurse. Now I need to see my 1:15, and you need to get the indicator fluid into those samples. So, you think you can love me and leave me to dye?

on second thought, perhaps i should dedicate one of the others to you (:

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

CC139 - Doctor! Doctor! Entry 5: Change for the better? by Shadow_Artist 8-26-02

DoctorJeffory! Are you ready to… Just relax Ben. It’s difficult, but we’ll do the best we can. The Operating Theatre A little high. Little low…woah! Perfect. Hold them right there while I staple them on! So Ben, are you pleased with the results? Sure am Doctor Jeffory! I’ve never looked so feminine before in my life!

CC139 - Doctor! Doctor! Entry 7: Scaramouch! by Shadow_Artist 8-26-02

Doctor! Doctor! I keep turning into a hideous monster! I’ve gone to other doctors but they just run away when I transform. Don’t worry. I’m not scared of monsters! Did I mention I’ve written a best-selling book and met the President of America? It’s happening again Doctor! Arrrgggghhh! Mommy! Scaramouch!

I screwed the first one's number up. It's meant to be Entry 6, but you knew that, right?

Oh, and that last one isn’t particularly funny unless you realise that Scaramouch, according to the dictionary, means a stock character who appears as a boastful coward....

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

cc139 by ObiJo 8-26-02

What? You honestly believe my body's aching all the time because I'm a racist? I don't have a racist bone in my body! Your X-Rays say different. NIGGERS! Holy shit! What can be done? Well, first, I need you to sign a few waivers.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

quote:

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I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule.

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CC 139: Followed by an Extensive Course of Rectal Palpation by israphael 8-26-02

Sorry I'm not better company today. I'm having this burning pain up by my heart. Sometimes it radiates to my shoulder. I'm thinking of seeing a cardiologist. I wouldn't worry. It's probably just acid reflux or a pinched nerve. To be on the safe side, get a general practitioner examine you. OOO, listen to you! Dr. Israphael has spoken. When will you realize that you're not a REAL doctor and only a veterinarian. A prime candidate for taking out back and shooting.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Schmucko: Year's best newbie. Everyone seems to appreciate the obvious reason (cleverness), but on my scorecard he gets bonus points for using "y'all" (and putting the apostrophe in the right place) as well as po'boy. Another Louisianian?

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What others say about boorite!

I will go and hide now:

CC19 Doctor! Doctor! Doolittle 3 by Jael 8-26-02

Archie, I told you after you hibernated for 6 months you'd expel a giant butt plug? We talked about this remember? Now do it for me..for MEEE! Whoah Doc!! I thought you were just kidding...? And a horrific sound was heard across the forest Any way the wind blows....

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

quote:

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I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule.

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I agree with the Senator from Washington.

Great stuff.

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