CC 158: It Hurts When I Do This 1 by israphael 12-11-02

There's nothing in the refrigerator 'cept beer and olives. I gotta think of a way to make some money. The Lou Gehrig Foundation has raised over 10 million dollars for the sufferers of ALS. Won't you contribute? Man, what a sweet scam. I'll come up with my own disease and people will start sending me money in bucketloads! Now, if I can only think of some way to work in calling people "faggots" on the internet.

CC 158: I Hurts When I Do This 2 by israphael 12-11-02

Doctor! I'm losing all feeling on my left side! Tell me more about your symptoms. Two weeks ago I started feeling numbness in my right shoulder, which went down my arm, and now affects all my right side. I thought you said it was on your left side. Errr... Ummm... OH MY GOD! IT'S SPREADING!

CC 158: It Hurts When I Do This 3 by israphael 12-11-02

Well, it appears that you have a garden variety neurological disorder. Nothing special. Those aren't the only symptoms. I have nausea, diarrhea, night sweats, water retention, and erectile dysfunction. I see. Go on. And I have those heart pains. What do you call that... Vagina! Wow, you blurt out naughty words just like in Tourette's syndrome. Uh... Sure. That works for me.

CC 158: It Hurts When I Do This 4 by israphael 12-11-02

And that, doctors, is my case report on the syndrome I call "Dave Cremaster's Disease". Any Questions? Doctor, I find it hard to believe that all those symptoms can be caused by one disease. I think we need to perform more tests. How the hell did you get in here? You're not even a real doctor. Security, escort this gentleman out! Damn, and I was hoping to perform some rectal palpation on him.

CC 158: It Hurts When I Do That 5 by israphael 12-11-02

Good news, we've raised 25 million. And the "Make a Wish Foundation" granted your wish: a day with the pornstar Ginger Lynn. All right! You poor thing, my heart goes out to you. How are you holding up? I just try to face each new day bravely. *Cough* *Cough* Oh my, that's quite an erection you have there. Is that part of the disease? Yes. A persistant and painful erection is one of the symptoms. And the only way to make it go away is hours and hours of oral sex.

[Click to view comic: 'CC 158: It Hurts When I Do This 6']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 158: It Hurts When I Do This 7']

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Too funny.

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Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10 foot radius takes full damage from the fireball.

Agreed. Due to the lack of large sums of money being sent to me, I'll have to judge this one on making me laugh the most.

israphael, you win the grand prize.*

*Prize may not exist. Approximate cash value: $0.00

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Argh.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

It's in the mail, I swear. ;)

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I has a flavor!

Words of advice for next contest:
DON'T HAVE RULES LIKES THE LAST FEW!

More words of advice:
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE RULES, WIN A CONTEST AND MAKE YOUR OWN!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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quote:

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More words of advice:
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE RULES, WIN A CONTEST AND MAKE YOUR OWN!

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