Yowza. That's some scary shit. I live in Arizona, which is basically the same climate and environment of the panhandle of Texas. We ain't got no damn fire ants though. Least not around where I live. Scorpions, sure, tarantulas, you betcha, every kind of snake you'd never want to meet while copping a squat, definitely, but ants that can eat a fawn? Sounds like the piranha of the insect world.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

They have fire ants in Florida. I was down there last year dangling my chad when I stopped and stood on a fire ant hill for a couple seconds. Even I don't like that much pain. And it doesn't just hurt when they bite - it lingers.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

This robot has been raping asses, what should I do?

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

I just spotted my fawn in a porno with Ron Jeremy!

Are you sure it's your fawn?

Well... It sure looks like my fawn.

I better check the tape myself, just to make sure.

OK

By the way, you wouldn't have any hand lotion I can borrow?

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Having spent the first 30 years of my life in South Louisiana, I can tell you the fire ant thing is true. 6 years after leaving, I still haven't gotten over the habit of checking for anthills whenever I stand still in grass.

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What others say about boorite!

My Fawn just asked me for advice on the Birds and Bees

Your Fawn can talk? Christ , thats a new one.

Seriously. It wants sex education. Is there a help group for Fawns ?

Dude , you have a talking Fawn. Back away slowly and get the fuck out of the house.

My Fawn can read too. He says youre generalising Fawns that talk because of Bambi.

Ok. Talking Fawn. I want you to turn round , face away from the screen , put your ass in the air , and Daddy will teach you about the Birds and the Bees.

Ok. My fawn is now sitting with its ass in the air. What should i do.

Improvise.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

My fawn is an inconsiderate lover. How can I make him pay more attention to my needs?

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

My fawn has been reading Milton Keynes and day trading stocks with my money. What should I do?

*Sigh* So.... Your fawn has taken up economics?

Ten-four, man. What should I do? He's lost about 20 long so far.

Look.... I just made a simple page about rescuing abandoned fawns and returning them to the wild. What the fuck do you people want outta me?

Hey! I did what you said, buddy boy. Now I've got fawns in my kitchen, fawns in my garage cutting lumber for a new deck, fawns parked on my Lay-Z-Boy watching Fawlty Towers on PBS.... You gotta do something!

Screw this. I advise you to get a 30.06 and put together a nice freezer full of venison. I'm outta here.

You fucking pansy! I'm gonna sue you, man! I've got about 20 Hefty bags full of fawn crap on my tree lawn! My wife is trying to get two of them into therapy! You want to see my orthodontists bills? You chickenshit little sonofabitch!

**

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

I hear ya boo...when I was 6 I laid down in a bed of them accidentally...a shaved head...and lots of calamine lotion later....ugh I hate them!

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.