If you call you MUST make a recording of the conversation, or at the very least transcribe it from memory to the best of your ability.

Jesus deJesus is a god among pranksters.

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

And here is a new one!

[i]MR GEORGE SAVIMBI
E-MAIL:geo_22kabil22@hotmail.com
ATTENTION: PRESIDENT/C.E.O,
Dear Lname,

I know you will be surprised to read from me, especially when it comes
from
a stranger. But please consider this as a request from a person in dare
need
of assistance. Firstly, i must introduce myself; i am MR GEORGE SAVIMBI
the
brother of the late GENERAL JONAS MELHEIRO SAVIMBI OF REPUBLIC OF
ANGOLA.
The founder and leader of UNION OF TOTAL INDEPENDENCE OF ANGOLA
(UNITA). Who
was killed on Friday 22nd February 2002 by forces loyal to POPULAR
MOVEMENTS
FOR THE LEBERATION OF ANGOLA (MPLA) led government of JOSE EDUARDO DOS
SANTOS in Moxico province about 700km from the Capital Luanda.

After Angola gained independence from Portugal in 1975, General Savimbi
teamed up with the US and the former apartheid government of South
Africa in
the process sustaining a civil war that had claimed more than 500,000
lives
and displaced about four million others. The only time there was little
peace in Angola was in 1992, when UNITA took part in elections in
accordance
with Lusaka protocol, though the election was said to be free and fair
by
the international community, but UNITA viewed it as been rigged by MPFL
party as a result we went back to the bush to resume the war.

Before the death of the General, I was responsible for the sales of
Diamonds
for UNITA and finance control and also one of the General’s personal
advisers. I was always traveling secretly to different country mostly
African countries to negotiate for the sales of the rich diamonds on
behalf
of UNITA and in some cases by arms for UNITA in return. I would have
been
killed with my brother, if not for the fact that I traveled secretly to
South Africa to negotiate for the sales of diamonds as usual. I heard
of my
brothers death while in South Africa through a state run radio and
after
making several contacts to our bush base in Angola, his death was
confirmed
and that a lot of his close aids was also killed. I feared for my life
and
decided to stay back in South Africa. I am presently seeking for
political
asylum here. I have decided to change my life and have been reflecting
on my
past life as a rebel, thinking of thousands of live and property that
have
been lost as a result of my ignorance, greed and lost for material
gains and
asked God to forgive me. My main focuse now is my future as a Business
woman.

I got your address from the Johannesburg Chamber of commerce and
industry
and after going through your profile, i decided to solicit for your
assistance to transfer the sum of US$12. 5M (TWELVE MILLION, FIVE
HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS) into your company/personal account for
investment purposes outside Africa. I deposited this money with a
certain
Bank in South Africa during my previous trips to this Country to look
for
buyers of our diamonds. As a result of the death of our leader and
founder,
the war in Angola may come to an end and all UNITA’s assets may be
frizzed
and if I do not transfer this money out right now to a deferent account
abroad I am going to forfeit the whole money. At present I am seeking
political asylum which authormaticaly means that my control of this
money
have stopped in accordance with the financial and immigration rules of
this
country. I contacted the bank manager with my problem, he advised me to
look
for a foreign partner so that the name on the account will be changed
to my
foreign partner’s name and afterwards the money will be transferred to
his
account abroad. He promised to assist and co operate fully in the
change of
ownership and the subsequent transfer to your account abroad. I shall
give
you complete details regarding this account when you show interest in
assisting me.

From the above, you will understand that my life and my future
depends on

this fund as such i will be grateful if you can assist me. Since the
financial rules and regulation of South Africa do not permit me
financial
right to such huge amount of money. In view of this i can not invest
this
fund in South Africa, hence i am prepared to offer you 20% total sum
for
your assistance while 10% will be set aside for both local and
international
expenses that may be incurred by both parties and 70% will be for my
Investment in your country with your able assistance. For more
information
on this, please contact me in Johannesburg through the above phone
number or
through the above e-mail address or the above phone number.

Thanking you in advance for your assistance while I anxiously wait for
your
reply.

Kind Regards,

Mr George Savimbi.

[/i]
[b]George!

Just the other day I was having an intense session
rectology consultant, Gabe. Somewhere between the 3rd
and 8th enema, he was reading my colon and he told me
that there would be riches in my future! How glad I am
to hear from you!

How sad about Angola! Sometimes I bet you wish the
Portuguese would come marching back and set things
right! I'm sure you must all be pining for the wealth
and stability that comes with western imperialism. Ah,
well! Maybe you'll be annexed by France. It could be
worse.

It would certainly be terrible if UNITA's assets were
frizzed! I have never had a perm myself, but I know
that Kevin Keegan had a perm and he got frizzed all
the time. And then he had that problem with testicular
hemmorhoids, I guess that's what happens when you play
footsie with black and white balls. But lets not go
into that!

I am very eager to help you in this endeavor. Please
let me know what the next steps are!

Yours,

Jesus DeJesus
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I find it interesting that Mr. George Savimbi's main focus now is his future as a Business woman. A sex change operation with the money from the diamonds?

---
“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

quote:

---

I find it interesting that Mr. George Savimbi's main focus now is his future as a Business woman. A sex change operation with the money from the diamonds?

---

Oh god.

I swear , im saving this thread on my hard drive as its clearly the funniest thing i have ever read.

Fuzzy , heres a challenge. See if you can include the following phrases in your next communique.

"YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN PENGUINS"
"SCROE"
"NO JUSTICE FOR HERNANDEZ"
"THE BISCUIT GAME"

---
w00t

And something about rotor turbines.

Or did you do that already?

[i]
Dear DeJesus,

Thanks for your mail, it came to me as a relieve that i
have found some one who will assist me at the time of my
needs. Like i told you in my first mail, that i need to
move this money out of SA immidietly.

The following are the role you are going to play in other
to assist me:

1.you will send to me a detailed information about
yourself/company including phone and fax numbers,
residentail address, assuranc that you will stick to the
aggreement and that if the money enters into your account
abroad you will not change your mind against me.

2.With the assistance of the bank manager, we are going to
change the ownership of the money to your name before it
will be transfered to your account abroad. So you will send
to me your name and the address (abroad) which you want to
be used in this transaction.

3.After the change of ownership have been effeted, the bank
will call you directly to inform you of this and they will
also send to you the documents that makes you the
beneficiary of the said account.

4.You as the owner of the account will now instruct the
bank formally in writting to transfer the money to your
account abroad that you will provide. In the formal letter
to the bank you will state the name on the account, the
account number and the bank name, Branch code if any, your
address and that of the bank, state and country.

5.Before the transfer of the money is completed, you will
assist me in securing a visa to visit your country after
the money gets to your account abroad, so that we can share
the money to agreed percentage.

6.I am going to settle in your country and invest my own
share of the money their, you are going to assist me in
doing this. So please start to look for a well secured
accomodation for me.

Due to the nature of this accounts, the bank manager that
is assisting me does not want a direct contact to the bank,
instead he adviced that he be contacted on his
direct/personal number. the complete information are:

NAME OF BANK : FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF SOUTH AFRICA.

NAME OF BANK MANAGER: MR. PETER THEMBA.

TEL.: + 27 82 866 0052.

You can call him at any time during office hours.

Kindly answer the following questions:

1. What is your country's tax to the said ammount?
2. How old are you?
3. are you married?

Let me assure you that you will not be at any risk in the
cause of this transaction, i have the suport and full
co-operation of the Bank manager.
Once more, thank you for your assistance.

Regards,

George Savimbi
[/i]
[b]Dear George,

I'm glad to be of assistance. My phone number is 415-587-7242. That is the main number for the company. If you call, just ask if you can speak to Jesus and they will connect you right to me. My fax number is 415-558-9044.

My address is:

Jesus DeJesus
NAMBLA INCORPORATED
537 Jones St. No. 8418
San Francisco, CA 94102

My bank is:

First Pedantic Bank of Tobor
2501 Clement Street
San Francisco, CA 94121

The phone number for the bank is 415-668-8288.

My account number is 867 L337 SCROE SP4K 5309.

I am curious anout UNITA. I thought they made biscuits. I see them all the time in the store. UNITA BISCUITS. Do they play the biscuit game in your country? My friend Andy and I play every day, though he tends to lose a lot. I'm starting to think that he is losing on purpose.

I think I have located a lovely little apartment for you in the Castro. The building seems very quiet, except for the landlord yelling, "You and your goddamn penguins!" every few hours. It seems that one of the tennants, Hernandez, kept pet penguins, and since it is so hot this time of year they tend to sweat and smell a lot. He has been in the PETA prison for animal abusers for over six months now, and his wife is taking care of the penguines. I fear that there will be no justice for Hernandez. The PETA courts are very powerful here.

I think the apartment is very secure, what with all the penguins guarding the place. They are vicious! One of them bit me in the tuchus. Let me tell you, those penguin teeth are sharp!

I will do my best to get you a Visa. I hope you don't mind if I get you an American Express or Discover, instead. Visas are hard to come by these days, but I find that the others are accepted in almost as many places.

The tax on that amount would be 43%, although my accountant, Crabby, says that he has some tax-deductable funds we could put the money into.

I am 32 years old and single. Are you looking? You sound like a very attractive person.

Yours,

Jesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

quote:

---

And something about rotor turbines.

Or did you do that already?

---

So what's that mean? It won't happen?

And can we get a "needn't noo" in the next missive?

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

---

My account number is 867 L337 SCROE SP4K 5309

---

You Are my God.

---
w00t

Jesus rules!

---
Dad was flammable

Amen brother!

---
Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

Around here, Jesus DeJesus is bigger than Jesus!

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

But Jesus has a better racket.

[Click to view comic: 'Greetings From Nigeria']

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[b]George,

Why haven't I heard from you? I sent you all my information. Is there anything you need? I'm really eager to help you with this transgression.

Needen't Noo,

Jesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

How did I know he was gonna sign somethin with "Needen't Noo"?

*evaporate!*

---
Mmm...they speak to you!!!

Because kaufamn asked me to?

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[b]
George,

Why haven't I heard from you? I sent you all my
information. Is there anything you need? I'm really
eager to help you with this transgression.

Needen't Noo,

Jesus
[/b]

[i]
DEAR JESUS,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL. I AM SORRY FOR KEPPING YOU IN DARK FOR SOME
TIME
NOW I WANTED TO ARRANGE ALL THINGS BEFORE COMING TO YOU.

THE BANK MANAGER DIRECTED ME TO A FINANCIAL CONSULTANT WHO IS GOING TO
PROVIDE ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS THAT WILL ENABLE THE TRANSFER, HE
WILL
PREPARE A GOOD GROUND THAT WILL AVOID ANY KIND OF QUESTIONING FROM ANY
AUTHORITY BOTH HERE AND IN YOUR COUNTRY SO BE CALM, I WILL BE KEEPING
TOUCH
SOON WITH YOU, OR IF I FINALIZE WITH THE CONSULTANT HE WILL REACH YOU.
HE IS
INVOLVED IN THE JUST CONCLUDED WORLD SUMMIT HELD HERE IN SOUTH AFRICA.

PLEASE REPLY IMMIDATELY YOUR RECEIVE THIS MAIL SO THAT I WILL BE SURE
YOU
RECEIVED THIS LETTER.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

GEORGE. S. KABILA.
[/i]

[b]
George,

I orgasmically acknowledge receipt of your message. As
they say in my neck of the woods, lets get those rotor
turbines generating gravitons!

- Jesus
[/b]

Note that George has now corrected his signature to match his message header. He is now "George Kabilia," where previously he was "George Savimbi."

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Them rotor turbines ain't gonna... oh, fuck it. It's an old joke anyway.

In deJesus we trust.

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

this HAS to be the funniest msg thread i ever come across on ANY site.

by the way, i'm in contact with some nigerian buddy myself and i'm thinking about connecting them.

e.g. i mail my guy your guy's e-mail address saying that that he is a friend of mine and this way our "businness" would be a lot easier to do...

think about it.

if your answer is yes, mail at sub_m7@yahoo.com

GOD YOU ARE SOOOOO FUNNY JESUS

---
=-SUb^2_H4t3[m7]-=

Uh, yes.

---
Dad was flammable

Where have all the Nigerians gone? Come back. Fuzzy needs to mock and scorn you for our amusement!

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

After I did the one that KKP prompted with Hernandez and the other in-jokes... I'm not sure I can stop it.

But maybe if I replied as if I were sub_m7. Hmmm...

Hello! I will be very happy to help you! Will you come to my party in Austria and make nice nice with me?It gets so lonely masturbating to pictures of Hitler by myself!

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

This can't be real...
http://www.freep.com/news/locoak/checks21_20020921.htm

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet