BigFrank105

Get in line.  :D

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I has a flavor!

I'm going to be in a movie. You're all jealous.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Last night was the worst sleep I've ever had in my life. I couldn't even fall asleep until well past dawn and when I was finally able to, it was interspersed between horrible nightmares and delusions that someone was breaking into my house. Add to that, the nightmares that played on every single fear I had, I was a complete nervous wreck when I finally regained consciousness an hour ago.

To make matters worse, I'm still having the hallucinations that someone is breaking into the house. I keep hearing things that sound like windows breaking, doors being kicked in, and people talking. I know they're hallucinations, but they still freak the shit out of me and every time, I grab a weapon and prepare to stab whoever is tormenting me, only to find nothing is there.

So if there's anyone you'd like to have killed, send them over to my place. Tell them to walk right in because I probably won't think twice about stabbing the next person that comes through that door.

attitudechicka

If it's Girls Next Door - All Anal Action #6 I've already got it on order.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Any idea what this guy's holding in his left hand?  I don't think it's her backbone.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Her right kidney?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I just made a pair of survival kits in Altoid tins. I got the idea from various articles I've read here and there.

http://www.survival.com/best.htm

http://www.fieldandstream.com/fieldstream/photogallery/article/0,13355,1225788_1,00.html

http://www.bestglide.com/comsurvtin_info.html

Mine is sort of am amalgamation of those. I was unhappy with the "food" section mostly relying on being able to fish. Anyone who lives anywhere that natural bodies of water is scarce, knows it's pretty retarded to base your survival strategy on something that doesn't exist where you might be. Also, who the fuck knows how to use a wire snare?

I'm also pretty sure Field & Stream is on crack. After hours of arranging and rearranging, I don't know how the fuck they fit all that shit into their tin. Either they've got a miniature TARDIS or they're lying bastards.

So, because I know you want to know, here is what I have in my Altoids survival tin:

[list]

2 birthday candles (F&S lies...a tealight won't fit!)
5 matches with striker (Wal-Mart has no strike anywhere matches, the cunts)
2 pieces of firestarter
5 fish hooks
8 sinkers
4 swivels
2 flys
50' of 15lb test fishing line
20 water purification tablets
3 multivitamins (each with at least 100% DV)
10' snare wire (how the fuck does that work?)
1 hand sanitizer packet
2 butterfly closures
1 bandage
4 aspirin tablets
1 glue stick (fuck if I know what do do with it but ya never know)
2' x 1.5' aluminum foil sheet
2 safety pins
2 sewing needles
10' heavy duty thread (though I got distracted so one might have 15')
1 jigsaw blade
6 ziploc bags with 3Tbsp volume
1 rubber band
10' parachute cord
1 card on how to tie various knots for fishing line

I don't have a button compass because Wal-Mart's sporting goods department is run by morons. I left enough room in there though. I also don't have a signal mirror for the same reason, but the foil should adequately serve. I also discovered that it is not easy to wrap fishing line onto a floss bobbin, and after two miserably failed trys, I just wrapped it around my fingers. I also discovered that while galvanized wire might rust before it gets used to catch helpless bunnies, at least it doesn't leave grease over everything like the fucking wire I used.

Alas, I couldn't fit a hand grenade into the Altoids tin.

Couldn't fit a condom in there?

ivytheplant

Last night, I accidentally had the baby monitor on the wrong channel (A instead of B, where it should be set) and was awakened at 2 am by the sound of some guy singing through the monitor. I leapt out of bed and flew into Read's room ready to pound someone into oblivion. But nobody was there except for Read, who thankfully slept through the whole thing. When I went back into the bedroom, bewildered, I realized I had flipped the switch at some point and was probably picking up my neighbor's monitor. I never got back to sleep after that.

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I has a flavor!

We've got a couple baby monitors. When I was looking at them in Target I realized that there weren't too many different brands, and most of them only have one or two options for setting channels.

I was wondering if you could prank people along the lines of what happened to you. Buy a couple monitors then plug the transmitters into an inverter in your car and drive around residential neighborhoods while screaming, "I'M IN YOUR KID'S ROOM, MOTHERFUCKER!" and see how many people you could flip out.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

attitudechicka

You never did tell us which movie you're going to be in. Probably because I was too busy mocking you to ask. Now I'm asking. In a totally non-mocking sort of way.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

BigFrank105

Nope. Didn't figure I needed one. Though I guess if you'd rather catch your supper with the condom instead of snare wire, be my guest.

ivytheplant

According to the US Army, hand grenades are great for fishing.

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What others say about boorite!

Sometimes, people stand in the doorway of my office and engage in conversations that have nothing to do with me. The only way it could be more awkward and annoying is if they were talking about me in the 3rd person.

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What others say about boorite!

I have a lot of Altoids. Anyone want some?

Maybe you should put some in the survival kits, in case you need curiously strong mints while being attacked by a bear.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

That's what bear mace is for.

We got the big fire extinguisher canister of it:

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/460401.jpg[/IMG]

The website shows this frightening picture:

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/a_mb1.jpg[/IMG]

So you can use this on both kinds of bear?

That should totally be someone's hairy gay avatar.

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What others say about boorite!

choadwarrior

I am going straight to hell.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

boorite

Done.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

gabe_billings

Done.

HOLY SHIT THAT'S SCARY

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/s42143790.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

I was trying to make up new words when I found out that "skitch" is already a word. Here is a guy skitching.

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/250px-Skitcher.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

choad, bigfrank, ivy, boorite

<3u

announced.

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

The #1 song the week I was born was "Jive Talkin'."  Which is why I'm such a funky guy.

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I has a flavor!

I quit my job. This Thursday is my last day. I'm going to get a cake that says "We're going to miss how cool you are".

Luckily, I start a new job April 2nd. So all you Mac users, be prepared to maybe speak with me about your computer problems.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.