Nigerian scam letter By Amy C. Fleitas, Bankrate.com

Greetings, sir. I got your e-mail address from a very confidential source -- the Internet. I am the prince, minister and Grand Poo-ba of one of many foreign nations that you stupid Americans have never heard of. There is a billion, kazillion dollars in an account here that rightfully belongs to my family and my people. Due to some horrid-bloody military coup in which my entire family, several accountants and various goats lost their lives, I cannot reach this money. But you, an American who has never heard of my country, can march right into the corner branch of God-Forsaken-War-Torn-East-of-Nowhere-Africa and deposit this money right into your fat American bank account. For your trouble, I'll give you a few million off the top -- because what's a few million between confidential best friends who have never actually even heard of one another?

OK, let's start from the top. Do not kid yourself. You are not so important that the High Priest of Anywhere will e-mail you requesting help. Rid yourself of your delusions of grandeur -- or as we say back home, you may sing "Like a Virgin" into your hairbrush every night, but that doesn't make you Madonna.

Here's what will happen when you give strangers your bank account information: They will take your money. Period. End of story. You get nothing, but you lose a lot.

---
“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

The 2nd on down on the right

---
Vote Jeb Bush 2008

Fuzzy, this guy has totally outdone you.

[i]
From: El ahmed ibrahimi [mailto:ibrahimiworld2000@rediffmail.com]
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2003 5:46 PM
To: sheltonguy@yahoo.com
Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE NEEDED

Dear friend, my name is El ahmed Ibrahimi a member of the of the contracts awarding commitee of the Iraqi oil and natural resources ministry under the immidiate past regime of president Saddam hussein,i temprarily lived in holland(the Netherland)i am in search of an agent who will help in transfering the sum of twenty million dollars ($20,000,000.00)this funds is now lying in the remmitance department of a logistics firm here in holland and you will be also obliged to give advise in area of property&estate, and other lucrative investments in your country.

my terms are 25% of this amount will be for you and 10% for cost&expenses,your honesty and utmost confidentiality will be highly appreciated,due to the sensitive nature of this transaction. if you are intrested you can call me to discuss further details my telephone numbers are;+31620164401. i hope to hear from you soon

thanks
yours sincerely.

El ahmed Ibrahimi
[/i]

[b]
Look, I don't know how you found my e-mail address, but I will tell you this: If you give it to those American Pig-Dogs I will have my people hunt you down and kill you like the worthless piece of garbage you are. Do you understand how many people are working for me? Do you understand that at a flick of a booger I could have you, your family, your thousands of bystanders dying in a fiery conflagration?

I have plenty of money, but I see no reason to give it to you unless you are willing to support terrorist activities. Good day.

Yours,

Osama Bin Laden
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]From: Dr George Peters [mailto:dr_vin1@go.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2003 10:54 PM
To: sheltonguy@yahoo.com
Subject: COMPLIMENTS

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL
MY NAME IS DR.GEORGE PETERS, I AM A DIRECTOR IN THE FINANCE DEPARTMENT IN THE NIGERIA LIQUEFILD NATURAL GAS COMPANY (NLNG).I KNOW MY MAIL WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE AND ALSO EMBARRASING, BUT I BEG FOR YOUR SINCERE UNDERSTANDING. I WANT YOU TO HAVE A GOOD UNDERSTANDING WITH ME AND HANDLE THIS URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL WITH UTMOST SERIOUSNESS AND CAREFULNESS FOR OUR MUTUAL BENEFIT. THIS BUSINESS INVOLVES US$32MILLION (THIRTY TWO MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) WHICH I WANT US TO SECURE IN YOUR PERSONAL OR COMPANY ACCOUNT BY TRANSFERRING IT FROM THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA (CBN) TO YOUR ACCOUNT. THIS US$32MILLION IS AN OVER-INVOICE OF A CONTRACT EXECUTED IN MY CORPORATION IN 1998.

THE ORIGINAL FOREIGN CONTRACTOR WHO EXECUTED THIS CONTRACT HAS BEEN PAID HIS REAL PAYMENT WHAT IS LEFT NOW IS THIS EXCESS US $32MILLION. I WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU NOT TO BE AFRAID, WITH YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND DILIGENCE WE SHALL SECURE THE MONEY WITHOUT ANY TRACE IN LESS THAN 21 WORKING DAYS.EVERY THING ABOUT THE CONTRACT IS WELL KNOWN TO ME. WHAT IS NEEDED FROM YOU NOW ARE THE FOLLOWING: YOUR NAME AND COMPANY NAME IF ANY, YOUR PRIVATE PHONE, FAX AND EMAIL ADDRESS AND THE PARTICULARS OF THE BANK ACCOUNT WHERE YOU WANT THE MONEY TO BE TRANSFERRED.

ON THE CONCLUSSION OF THIS BUSINESS I WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY AND THE MONEY WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 20% FOR YOU, 70% FOR ME AND THE REMAINING 10% WILL BE USED TO PAY BACK ANY EXPENCES THAT MAY BE INCURED ON THE PROCESS LIKE PHONE BILL. ONCE MORE I WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT THIS BUSINESS IS RISK FREE, YOU SHOULD NOT FEAR FOR I HAVE EVERY DATA ABOUT THIS MONEY BUT YOU MUST KEEP EVERYTHING CONFIDENTIAL.

I AM EXPECTING YOUR IMMEDIATE REPLY,

BEST REGARDS,

DR,GEORGE PETERS.
[/i]

[b]Dear Dr. Peters,

I am honored that you have chosen to contact me. No doubt you found me by way of my reputation. I have great experience with natural gas, especially methane. Give me a plate of beans and I'll produce as much gas as you want! Heck, I've won first place in the Petticoat Junction Explosive Flatulence Competition for three years running!

Here is the information you wanted:

Name: Brigham Young
Company: LDS Enterprises
Phone: 801-240-1000
Fax: 801-240-4777
Bank: First Bank of Mormon, account # 80386-8088-8086

If you need more information, please let me know. I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

Yours,

Brigham[/b]

Yes, those are acutal numbers for the LDS church. "Hello, may I speak to Brigham Young?"

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Heres a twist on an old favorite I got today...
---------------------------------
ATT:
Liberia,a country in West Africa is presently torn apart by strife and armed rebellion.These upheavals have led to the intervention of the American government which has insisted that the incumbent president Charles Taylor,vacate his position and allow an international peacekeeping force to act as a transitional government. The embattled president Charles Taylor,has been offered political asylum by the Government of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, and he intends to grasp this lifeline that has been provided.

The Government of the United States of America have clearly stated their intentions to investigate the finances and financial dealings of president Charles Taylor and have also threatened to freeze his personal accounts.In the light of these circumstances,the president has instructed me,his personal assistant to source for a foreigner who can take possesion and control of a large portion of his personal fortune which he has amassed over the period of his regime, which is stashed away in a financial institution in Europe. These monies amount to approximately four point five million euros (4. 500.000 million euros) Adequate remuneration will be provided for services rendered by you.

It is important that you expedite action in this transaction if you are interested, because time is of the essence.Confidentiality is also of great importance.

Thankyou

Phillip Weah
Personal assistant to the president.

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Just reviving this thread for Jes and Kitty.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

You're so sweet. Whenever I refer to this thread, I make people search for it themselves.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

I wouldn't have to revive the thread if I'd get off my ass and scam some more Nigerians.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Thanks, fuzzy.

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

[i]
From:DR.FRANK OBI.
E-mail:frankobi1@frankobi.net
Tel:234-8042137980
25/05/2004

We are making this contact with you because of the
reliable information available to us concerning your reputation and that
of your company. This business request may seem strange, but I crave your
indulgence and pray you, view it seriously as we
are convinced that you would be capable to provide us with a solution to a
moneytransfer of Thirty Two Million, Five hundred thousand United State
Dollars (US$32,500,000.00)

First of all I am an accountant and Auditor of the
Petroleum (special) Trust Fund (N.N.P.C) the Apex Department of
the Oil Industry in Nigeria. I am also a member of its Foreign
Contract Tenders Committee (FCTC). My principal Job/function
has to do with the Appraisal and Approval of payment of contract
awarded by this parastatal. In the course of my duties, I discovered
various over inflated contract values totaling US$32.5Million. The
said amount emanated from deliberate over invoicing of old
projects executed by some foreign firms through some government
officials.These officials have since been moved or retired following
the inauguration of the new administration. After due consultation
with key members of the Tenders Committee (FCTC), I was mandated to
seek and arrange with a trusted foreign National who can assist us in
transferring the above state amount out of Nigeria.

Now that all the contracts have been paid following the completion
and commissioning of the various contract, the above mentioned sum
through approved is still floating. We decided to transfer this money
to a safe and trusted bank accounts with a very reliable person to
assist us after which the funds be share in the understated ratio.

Your assistance is needed for two main reasons; (i) As government
employees ,we are not permitted by the Nigeria law to operate
foreignaccounts. (ii)Since the initial contracts were executed by the
foreign firms, only a foreign firm can make claims or as a
beneficiary for the purpose of transferring the money out of Nigeria.

We have unanimously agreed to compensate you with 35% of the total
sum ( US$32.5Million ) if you are willing to render us your
assistance as regards the transfer .it was also agreed that 5% shall
be set aside to offset incidental expenses that might be incurred by
either of us course of offsetting this transfer. The remaining 60%
shall be our due share.

All necessary arrangements required for a speedy conclusion of this
transaction have been put in place with top officials of the Nigeria
Federal Ministry of Finance and the Central Bank of Nigeria to enable
us conclude the whole transaction within a very shortspace of time.

What is required of you is first to furnish us with the following
through my email address.

1.) Bank details to be used (that is banks name and account number )
2.) The beneficiary's name.
3.) Your private / official telephone and fax number.
While promising you a smooth and hitch -free transfer of this fund
into the account nominated by you, we want you to know that this is
very sensitive transaction which should not be disclosed to any other
party. This is very important because this deals involves some high
ranking Nigeria Government Officials who would not want to be
involved in any form of scandal.We however trust that this will be
the beginning of a lasting business relationship between you and us
as we shall appreciate your advice on the investment opportunities in
your line of business or any other type of viable business in your
country.

If this deal interest you,reply me immediately through my personal E-mail:
frankobi1@frankobi.net or call me on my receiving number:234-8042137980
for more details.

Best regards as we look forward to hearing from you
soonest.

Your Sincerely,
Dr Frank Obi.
[/i]

[b]
Dear Doctor Obi,

You sound like a fine young fellow and I will do whatever I can to assist you. I have lived a very long life (this October will be my 111th birthday!!!!!!!) and have used much of my retirement savings. I never expected to be around this long, what with all the smoking, drinking, whores, guns, and that bout of syphillis back in '32. My portion of this transaction will go a long way toward restoring the inheritence my great great grandchildren have been expecting. But mostly money for whores. My doc prescribed a delightful viagra / levitra / cialis cocktail for me, and I can go like a bareback jackhammer on a pair of asian girls for six hours.

Anyway, you needed some information from me.

Second National Bank of Bazilla, account # 882 0727 881 2211

My wife, Lillian Gans is my beneficiary.

My phone number is (203) 744-5021.

Please let me me know what to do next.

Yours,

Louis "Jehovah" Gans.
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Haw haw haw haw haw!!! Beautiful!!!

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

[i]FROM: JOHN BOGANI.
EMAIL_johnbogani@netscape.net
TEL+27-735-638-240

Dear Sir,

I know you will be surprised to read from me, but please consider this as a
request from a family i dire need of assistance.First, I must introduc myself.
I a MR. JOHN BOGANI. from Angola. I am the first and only son of BRIGADIER
BOGANI..JONES. I am presently resident in South Africa.
I got your contact address from a business directory in Johannesburg
Chamber of commerce and Industry. On behalf of my widowed mother
MRS. ELIZABETH BOGANI. I desided to solicit for your assistance to
transfer the sum of US$21.5 MILLION( TWENTY ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS)inherited from my late father, into your
personal/ company's account.
Before my fathers' death, he was a Brigadier in charge of Arms and
Ammunation procurement for the Angola Army. In his WILL, he specifically
drew my attention
to the said sum of money which he deposited in a safe box of a private
Security Company in Johannesburg- South Africa in a treasure box, fully
documented in my
name.
IN FACT MY FATHER SAID AND I QUOTE 'MY BELOVED
SON, I WISH TO DRAW YOUR ATTENTION TO
US$21.5 MILLION . I DEPOSITED THE BOX CONTAINING
THIS MONEY IN A SECURITY COMPANY
IN JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA. DURING THE WAR, I
WAS VERY DEDICATED AND OFFICERS
AND GOVERNMENT FUNCTIONARIES WERE BUSSY HELPING
THEMSELVES WITH GOVERNMENT FUNDS
AND PROPERTIES AND SENDING THEM TO FOREIGN
COUNTRIES. DUE TO THIS, WHEN I AND MY
FORMER SPECIAL ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT WERE ASSIGNED BY THE PRESIDENT (EDUARDO
SANTOS) TO PURCHASE ARMS IN SOUTH AFRICA, WE SAW
THIS AS A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY AND
DIVERTED THE MONEY AND DIVIDED IT. i GOT A TOTAL
SUM OF US$21.5 MILLION. IN CASE
OF MY ABSENCE ON EARTH, AS A RESULT OF DEATH ONLY, YOU SHOULD SOLICIT FOR THE
FUND FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSES.'

>From the above, you will understand that the lives and future of my family
depens on this money, as such I will be grateful if you can assist us. We
are now living in South Africa as political Asylum seekers and financial
laws and regulation of the Republic of South Africa do not permit us
financial rights to such huge sum of money. In view of this, I cannot
invest this fund in South africa, hence i am prepared to offer you 20% of
the total fund, while 10% will be set aside for local and international
expenses and 70% will be for my family and me.

Finally, modalities on howthe transfer will be bone will be conveyed
to you once we have established trust and confidence between ourselves.
Please treat this matter as very urgent.
Best regards,

JOHN BOGANI.
[/i]

[b]
Dear John,

I will be happy to assist you. Please let me know how we can establish trust and confidence between us!!! I was so excited by your letter that I couldn't concentrate and lost in the last round of the biscuit game tournament at the VFW hall last night. Jeepers, what a mess. Still, at my age, I'm happy to still be competing.

I have included picture of my passport so you can see that I am who I say I am. Maybe this will help establish trust and confidence between us? It is a little old, but it is a really good picture of me. My grandson was a suspicious of your e-mail and didn't want me to reply, but the paperboy to copy it into the computer for me. So please don't correspond with my grandson because if he finds out he will lock me in the basement again.

Blessings,

Louis Gans
Trumbull, CT[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Louis Gans rules.

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

Wow, I shouldn't write those so early in the morning. Some of those sentences don't make sense. But maybe they will chalk it up to him being 111 years old.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Hah! Where'd you get that? Is that actually a real passport?

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

No, the sentences make perfect sense, especially written by a 111-year old man.

Furthermore, I am sure any errors made would pass unnoticed by a Nigerian scam artist.

Brilliant, fuzzy. Absolutely brilliant.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Yep. Got it and his wife's (she'd only be 100 this year) at an antique shop for 2 bucks. I figured they would serve as good identities.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

That's hilarious.

On a side: I noticed Louis Gans got his passport on St. Paddys day. If you look at his photo, he looks to be happily tanked. I bet he rocked!

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

Here's the rest of the selection I'll be using.

His wife, Lillian's passport:

Of course, the scammers will be wanting a current picture of Louis or Lillian so they will recognize them when they arrive in Lagos, so I have the ones below. Remember that those passports were done in 1967, so our happy couple has aged a bit.

Louis today:

...and Lillian:

The happy couple:

(Pictures from Destefano.com)

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]Dear father Louis Gans,
I thank you so much for your mail.
Please net that we are doing this transaction with you with all our
trust that you will never disappoint us by the time this money will
be in your position. Also note that we have taken you as our blood
father. Please do what ever you can to help us out of this out
condition and take us as your own blood children.
Please our father, as you have known that we are refugee here in
South Africa that the law here does not allow us for so many things.
With this, I want you to contact our family lawyer who is in the
position to tell you what you will do next. We have told him about
you helping us in this transaction that we have establish trust with
you.
His contact is as follow:

NAME: DOUGLAS SMITH
TEL: +27-73-223-3192
E-MAIL: douglassmith205@hotmail.com

Please father contact him through telephone as soon as possible and
get back to me.
Once again thank you so much for your effort towards our life and
that of this transaction.
Best regards,
Mr. John (for the family)
[/i]
[b]

Dear Mr. Smith,

John Bogani told me I should contact you regarding some help he needs with a delicate situation in South Africa. He has made me his blood father. Does this give me some sort of legal status in South Africa? If John should come to an untimely end, would I be his beneficiary?

In any case, he told me to call you but I am unable to use the telephone because my hearing is very bad. Given my age, my circulation is very bad and my ears fell off a few years ago due to gangrene. Luckily none of the important parts have fallen off, if you know what I mean! I have taught my family to stomp in Morse code, and I can understand them when I feel the vibrations through the floor. Do you know Morse code?

If John didn't tell you, please don't contact my grandson. He is very suspicious, and if he found out I was e-mailing you he would surely chain Mr. Winky to the schnauzer.

Your good friend,

Louis Gans
Trumbull, CT
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]
Attn:Louis Gans

I am in receipt of your mail and the contents well noted. With regards to John request,I wish to explain to you the areas they need your help and also let know the procedures of the transaction.

They contacted you for help as their foreign partner to assist them in the transfering of the outstanding fund out of South Africa to your nominated account in your country and also help they in the investment of the money outside South Africa, this is due to their present status as an asylum seeker which prohibits them from investing the money here in South Africa or even to operate a bank account.You will represent them as the actual beneficiary of the fund to enable the transfer to be effective.

The procedures of the transaction are as follows:

Firstly,you are required to come down to South Africa to open a non-resident/Investment account with any of the commercied bank here in South Africa and also help them in the clearing of the fund which is presenthly deposited with a secuirty company here in johannesburg South Africa,This money will be deposited into the account you will open as soon as it cleared from the secuirty company for onward transfer to overseas account.

All the documents required to the deposit of this consigament will be sent to you ,if you wish . Note; the security company where this fund is deposited do not know the actuan content of the box, because during the time of deposit it was deposited as family valuables for security reasons.

I advice you should furnish me with your direct fax numbers for easy commumication.

I expect your prompt reply to this message.

Yours truly,

Barr:Douglas (Esq)
[/i]

[b]
Mr. Smith,

I hear and obey. Oh, but this is exciting! I haven't been out of the country since our vacation in Istanbul back in '67. My, those were grand times!!! Smoking opium from the hukkah, eating spicy possum, with a little kitty on the side! Ah, and the daily enemas. Clean colon, clean mind, that's what I always say, even if I need help to wipe myself these days.

My fax number is 203-749-5699.

As ever, please don't contact my grandson. He is very suspicious, and if he finds out that I am e-mailing you he will surely make Lillian and I do one of those videos with Ron Jeremy again.

Yours in Tobor,

Louis Gans
Trumbull, CT
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]Attn:Louis Gans,
How are you today?
Please I want to know if you will be able to come down here In South
Africa?
And I also want to know if you need to see the documents?
Yours truly,
Barr:Douglas. (Esq)
[/i]

[b]Dear Douglas,

But of course, I am ready to go to Suth Africa! Do you know Nelson Mandela? I would so like to meet him. Where should I fly into? Johannesburg? Bloemfontein? Marvin Gardens? Cape Town? Candyland? Durban? Park Place? East London? Ventnor? Nelspruit? Boardwalk? Pretoria? I do so hope that I can fly into Bloemfontein. I'd love to catch one of the Naked Rugby tournaments they are so famous for.

When should I leave? How long should I plan to say? Do you need a current picture of me so you will recognize me? The passport picture I sent is quite old.

Can I bring my nurse? I need someone to wipe me while I am there (it is hard to reach these days). Unless you would be willing to do so? If she can travel with me, she also gives a fine hand job under guise of washing my privates, and I'm sure I can convince her to "wash" you too, if you'd like.

Yes, please send me the documents. My fax number is 203-749-5699.

As ever, please don't contact my grandson. He is very suspicious, and if he finds out I am e-mailing you he will surely surgically conjoin me to the cat again.

All my love,

Louis Gans
Trumbull, CT
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The boy is getting suspicious. Time to reel him in again....

[i]
Attn: Louis Gans,

How are you today?
I seems you as an old man, but the words that comes out of you I don't understand. I just want to let you know that this is not a joke and you have to understand the person that is working with you, as a lawyer I will not like you to play with me.

I know that you have see allot of things in this word and I also know that allot of things are happening in this Continent of Africa there is no doubt about that. You should understand that what this family sent to you is any but the truth you have to believe me.

Please tell me your mind if you know you far God?

Your truly,

Barr:Douglas
[/i]

[b]
Douglas,

I assure you I am very serious about this. I am sorry that there is a language barrier between us. What have I said that you do not understand?

This adventure will be the crowning achievement my life. The world's oldest man, Yukichi Chuganji's, died yeterday at the age of 114. I am 111. I don't have much time left to leave a financial legacy for my family.

You said that this family is telling me "any but the truth." Do you mean they are lying? I think maybe this is part of the language problem between us. I am sorry that we cannot talk, I think it would be much easier.

I do not know of a far God. Jesus is very near to me. Being so close to death, Jesys and I are on a first name basis, you might say. Kind of like Joan of Arcadia (that is a TV show) only less strange. Jesus and I are kind of like old drinking buddies. Jesus is kind of a regular guy, except he only drinks the best single malts.

When should I head to South Africa? Where should I land?

I do hope this makes sense to you. I am very old and my mind wanders so whatever I am thinking happens to come out in my e-mails. I would have my grandson edit these to make more sense, but he is very suspicious, and if he finds out I am e-mailing you he will surely squash my poodle Boinky with a brick. So please don't contact him.

In Jesus name,

Louis Gans
Trumbull, CT
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

HA HA HA!!! I can't get enough of this, fuzzy. You should have your own bit on a late-nite show where you read the letters and the replies.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.