Food courtship by boorite 8-27-03

Would you like to try our new Rotisserie Mung Biscuit? What the hell is it? What the hell does it sound like? Like a savory hair pie, trapped in Elmer's glue and flogged with a genuine toadskin mallet. Nope. It's an aged priest's beanbag, lightly shriveled and tossed in festive pine vinegar. Does that come with fries?

Food just doesn't get faster than this by boorite 8-28-03

Would you like to try our new Radioactive Value Combo? Isn't that a bag of assorted cabinet hardware shat upon from a dizzying height? Nope. It's an angry wasp trapped in a cardboard box served on a bed of shredded tax documents. OK, then. Now what? I fly up your shorts and sting you repeatedly in the balls.

Not Kosher by boorite 8-28-03

Would you like to try our new Homestyle Fecal Abomination? What would Jesus do? I'm leaning toward "no."

Keep the line moving by boorite 8-28-03

Would you like to try "sausage?" What the hell is it? It's pig intestine scraped with a blunt edge and filled with ground pig parts. I think I need to lie down on the floor. Next!

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What others say about boorite!

Beef safety facts by boorite 8-28-03

Maybe you should try our 99 cent Uber Bargain menu. You mean I can get some kind of animal meat sandwich for 99 cents? Nope. For 99 cents, our Assistant Manager parks his Chevy Nova at your table and forces you to lick dead bugs off the radiator grille. Do you have anything less horrible? I have leprosy. I'll take that.

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What others say about boorite!

"shat upon from a dizzying height" = hahahaha

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Hehe, funny stuff.

Coincidentally I also recently made a comic about fast food. Inspired by my annoyance of the popularity of the word "fresh" in marketing these days.

Subway, Eat Fresh! by Rabid_Weasle 8-26-03

Here's your sub, sir. Thank you. Wow! This sandwich is really fresh! It almost makes up for the fact that it's made with Grade Q produce!

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Poop.

I wanna be boorite when I grow up.

I actually saw the clown recently (I mean Ronald, not boorite). I had some choice words. He had a body guard.

Ronald and I don't get along by Spankling 8-28-03

We love to see you smile! THEN STOP FUCKING UP THE RAIN FOREST! Look, perv boy - I'm just trying to make a fucking living. You want one of these shit burgers or not? Uh... no. Just a hot apple pie and a strawberry shake. That's more like it. you want that for here or to go? Here. And could you put them into an enema bag? And would you mind bending over please?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

That describes half the menu at White Castle.

Ob-comic:

Magical Clown Pants by itsclark 8-29-03

But I'm a national icon, beloved by millions of children! Don't tell me! I eat fourteen Big Macs a day! But I still have a job to do. Maybe I can cut a deal with the D.A. I'll tell him where the bodies are buried! We already found the crawlspace.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

I'm SURE nobody's done THIS ONE before... heh heh by UnknownEric 5-22-03

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you? Yeah, you animal killers, you can stop serving dead flesh in your restaurant. Actually, all of our products are made of synthetic rubber and nylon. So can I put you down for a Filet O'Fysh?

Other possibilities...

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I has a flavor!

it's sausage because it's true

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

When Burger King's "You got it" campaign came out in the late 90s we spent most of our senior-year Physics class coming up with new products instead of working. Radioactive Discount Special bought back some memories.

"Want an entire sheep in a bap? You got it!"
"Want the polystyrene likeness of a trout, served in creosote? You got it!"
"Want to be thrown into a dark room and served piping hot consommé soup through a high pressure hose? You got it!"

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

You want a cat wrapped in ductape plummeting down an air shaft? You got it!

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What others say about boorite!

Didn't SNL first rip BK's "Have it your way" campaign in the 70s? I distinctly remember someone (John Belushi?) making a "Blow your nose on the bun" request.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

How about a "Have Your Way With It" campaign?

I'd like a whopper junior and a quiet corner booth, please.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Have it my fucking way by boorite 9-03-03

I'll have a double cheeseburger, hold the meat... ....hold the cheese, hold the bun... ....extra ketchup!

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What others say about boorite!

Icicle is my son (*sniff*... I'm so proud)

2 for just $2.22 by icicle 2-10-03

We love to see you smile. and next on...... yuk Two gaull stones and Two tumors for just $ 2.22

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

quote:

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How about a "Have Your Way With It" campaign?

I'd like a whopper junior and a quiet corner booth, please.

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The menu is nailed to the wall, sir. by KajunFirefly 9-07-03

Yes? My family and I have been seated over by the window for 20 minutes, isn't anyone going to take our order? What would you like? 4 sirloin steaks, two medium rare, two well done. Also, a bottle of Merlot. I don't have a button for that. Just bring it over when you're ready, we're seated between the junkie and the vomitting albino.

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Dad was flammable

I can't believe that my 100th comic is a Monty Python ripoff by lukket 9-07-03

How can I help you? I have a question about the chocolate candy I bought called "Crunchy frog". What do you want to know? It's just that on the wrapping it says "Made from the most excellent frogs". We use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flow from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple-smooth treble-milk cho... Forget that I asked.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Special Sauce optional by jes_lawson 9-07-03

Where the hell is my burger? I DEMAND MY BURGER! I'll just go see if it's ready sir. For feck's sake,Red, he's had 5 already! Does he think I'm made of semen or something?

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Lovin' it, Love Canal style by boorite 10-14-03

May I take your order? Let me guess. You're doing a tie-in with some sci-fi movie. No. These are hazmat suits. Oh. I'll have a double cheeseburger with everything.

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What others say about boorite!