As boinky is, I am attempting to write a book as well. A short one, mind you, as I don't think I could spout out enough for a big long 300 page novel. Here are the first 4 pages, though, peruse at your own risk... will! Peruse at your own will! And feel free to drop me some comments.

February 14th, 2003 7:12am
A loud buzzing noise echoed throughout the apartment, followed by a muffled snort and a loud yawn. Soft footsteps were heard, along with a sigh and another yawn. A loud crash and then laughter ring out, as well as a stream of swearing and more laughter. A door opened, and a tall, somewhat lanky man exited, a nights worth of stubble formed on his chin, clad only in flannel pants and morning hair. An equally disheveled curvaceous female followed, instead clad in the shirt that finished the set of flannel PJ’s.
“ Brian, are you sure you’re all right?” she giggled, pushing the blond hair out of her soulful green eyes, her full lips curving into a smile. Brian stared down at her, one brow raised, and grunted.
“ How would you like to crack your leg against a giant bed at seven in the blood morning?” he replied, tousling the woman’s hair and laughing at the disgruntled look on her face.
“ You keep messing up my hair that way and I’ll crack you against a bed,” she replied, causing Brian to laugh.
“ Ah, Hannah, you definitely are a light of sunshine on a crappy morning,” he teased, pulling her tight and kissing her forehead. “ But, its shower time,”
Hannah rolled her eyes at him and started walking backwards towards the kitchen/dining area.
“ Brian, do we have mi…” she started saying, before cutting off with a shriek. Brian stopped opening the bathroom door and started towards her
“ Hannah, if there’s a spider on the wall, I swear to God I’m going to…holy shit,” he stated, once he reached her. There, on the couch that had just been bought the day before, lay a person who was the last link to the case they had been researching for the past five years. And she was dead.

“ So you woke up, wandered into here, to find Ms. Isobel on the couch, dead?” Constable Arlington asked Hannah, staring up at her. He was taken aback by her natural beauty and unconscious sex appeal. I should show her what the backseat of the squad car is really used for, he thought to himself, smirking.
“ Yes sir. Brian and I had been in the bedroom since around midnight, and I specifically remember locking all the doors before going to bed,” Hannah replied, throwing her hair out of her face for what seemed like the millionth time. She finally reached over to the table and grabbed a hair tie, quickly putting her hair up into a messy bun. The Constable still continued to stare at her with a mix of arrogance and lust, putting her more into an uncomfortable state of mind.
“ Right. How long were you two ‘sleeping’ for, would you say?” Arlington asked, his mouth working itself into a smirk as he thought of what he would like to do to this luscious female. Hannah blushed, quite attractively, and mumbled a “ Maybe a few hours,” before wringing her hands together.
“ Are you or Brian a light sleeper?” Arlington asked. Hannah thought for a moment.
“ We both are, usually, which is why we had to make sure that we got the apartment furthest away from any family or couple that would play loud music or have quarrels, as we both work odd hours and need our sleep,” she replied, wishing that she had thought to put more clothes on than Brian’s flannel shirt that morning. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, Arlington’s eyes burned right through her clothes.
“ Alright, Miss Beckett, I’m just going to need you to read this over and tell me if this is what you are willing to file as a police statement,” Arlington stated, handing her his notepad. She read it over, agreeing with all of it until the final line caught her eye “ Ditch the worthless loser. Dinner, tomorrow, 8pm at Fabio’s” She stared up at him, and he winked at her.
“ What do you say, beautiful?” he stated, taking back his pad and laughing. Hannah’s mouth dropped open. It’s not that Arlington was an ugly man, in fact he was quite the opposite with his curling dark hair and smoldering hazel eyes, chiseled jaw, and a body that took years of extensive working out to complete. It was his attitude that appalled her, what with his asking her out when she was clearly involved and there was a crime scene to be investigated.
“ Constable…” Hannah started.
“ James,” Arlington replied easily, sitting back in the chair comfortably, expecting her to fawn over him like women always did.
“ Constable,” Hannah repeated with more emphasis. “ You are despicable for both thinking that I would want to date you, and for taking your job too lightly,” She got up from the table and pushed her chair in roughly.
“ You’ve got your statement, get out of my house,” She stated before walking over to Brian and slipping her arm around his waist, he, in turn, doing the same and kissing her forehead absently as he talked to one of the other officers on scene.
“ Ah, James, finally got turned down, did we?” Officer Munroe teased. James stared at him.
“ Fuck off, Munroe. It’s only because that beanpole is offering emotional support and stability. All I’m looking for is a good shag,” James retorted. “ Now get your ass back to work,”
...

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

Yes, I do fancy a shag.

Oh, yeah, my name is James. :P

Sorry, too inebreated to read the whole thing. Maybe tomorrow I shall partake of the literary indulgences, whilst my head spind two and fro.

For now, I'm going to bed.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.