I am fascinated by southern phrases. Feel free to include your own.

My favorite southern phrases (1) by mmyers 12-16-03

She's sweatin' like a whore in church. Actually, it's the crack that makes me sweat, not the whorin'. That boy's queerer than a football bat. Whatever dude, you're checking me out. I gotta piss like a rushin' race horse...or is it Russian race horse? Who gives a shit which it is, I gotta pee so bad I can taste it.

My favorite southern phrases (2) by mmyers 12-16-03

That boy's as sharp as a bag of hammers. I can see where this is going and I don't approve. It's colder than a witch's titty out here. Yet not quite as cold as my left buttock. I'm hornier than a three dicked goat. It's a blessing and a curse.

My favorite southern phrases (about blowjobs) (3) by mmyers 12-16-03

She'd suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. For a Klondike bar, you bet. She could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Where's my mace when I need it?? I'd bet she'd suck like she was trying to win a trophy. How about "a leopard can't change his spots but he can climb up a different tree once in awhile." Rawrr.

My favorite southern phrases (4) (with nods to umfum-n-Ivy) by mmyers 12-16-03

That boy's as useless as the tits on a boarhog. Actually, the wild hog, (Sus scrofa) also called the wild boar or feral pig, has 'tits', or areola as they are better known... I'm as full as a tick on a bloodhound. Grrrr. I'm so hungry I could eat the ass out of a dead hooker. I'm not dead yet! I feeling like much better! I could turn a trick if you want!

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

These comics are funnier than a donkey playing ping pong.

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Poop.

"It's a blessing and a curse" is funnier than zero-g elderly.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

There are actual games of "donkey basketball" that take place around East Tennessee.

Sure, it's just people riding on donkeys and trying to play basketball, but try explaining that to some one.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Southern Phrases by jes_lawson 12-17-03

A Mess of Grits Hey Uncle Zeke, how much is a mess, anyway A bit more'n a fixin', but a bit less than a whole mess. Eh, about this much, ah reckon! The author's scaling back his SC time, so here's Le Chef, with some Cajun cooking tips Le Cajun cuisine? P'too! Mais, le Kajun cuisine! Mwah! J'aime plus le deep fried Mars bars et Irn-Bru mit le vodka! L'angioplasty!

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I've chased a greased pig. I didn't catch him and I wouldn't have known what to do with him if I had. I'm not proud of it but I'd be lying to you all if I didn't fess up.

All the way over in Essex they know that southern people just ain't right.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I'm still thinking of turning the concept behind this on its head and doing a Southern UK and Southern Ireland version.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Jes is the cuss.

My favorite southern phrases- more nods to umfum (5) by mmyers 12-18-03

It's dark as a well digger's ass out here. I'm right here, jerk. And you smell as bad as a...um, you're dumber than a...aw, nevermind. That boy's as ugly as homemade sin. Sin©, Homemade Sin©, and Hungry Man's Homemade Sin Dinner© are now owned by The Morton's company. Please cease and desist using that phrase. That kid fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. In my defense, that kid was pretty ugly before I ever met her.

jes, I love that idea. It cracks me up that every region has their own section where people are really behind the times. Bring 'em on.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.