Once, two guys had an idea... and one of them was promised the position of Pope...

Worst thing to say during a church of arse service by BigEvilDan 9-15-01

Yeah, he does have a pretty nice arse. I don't know. I kinda like the altar boy better. Check out that arse. Third row, second seat from the left. Now that's an arse! DAMMIT! ISN'T ANYONE GOING TO COMMENT ON MY ARSE!?!

The worst thing to say in a non-Arse-denomination church... by DexX 9-15-01

I'm bored... the Church of Arse is much more fun than this.

Untitled by BigEvilDan 9-15-01

Hi, I'm here to talk about the Church of Arse. Go away!

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Mediocrity at its most average.

The church was introduced to society:

Introducing...The Church of Arse! by DexX 9-16-01

Here it is, DexX - the new cathedral for the Church of Arse! Oh... What do you think? Uh... it's a big pile of arse. Yes, it certainly is!

Arse-holy by BigEvilDan 9-16-01

Sir, that new "Church of Arse" is becoming quite popular. Hah! They don't even have a symbol like me to inspire them. How popular could they be? Well, actually.... Hey DexX, the statue is here!

The Church of Arse - secret arse-shake! by DexX 9-16-01

Okay, we have the church, the cathedral, the statue... we need a special gesture thingy now... What, a Sign of the Cross equivalent? Let's see... Hmmmm.... Cover your arse with both hands while wearing an expression of terror on your face? Great minds, Dan...

Welcome to the Church of Arse by attitudechicka 9-16-01

Hi, I'm considering joining your church. The church of arse is always open to new members. Great-- Now, let's see your arse. Um, ok... You qualify. Welcome to the congregation.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Word quickly spread and new members joined:

Church of Arse: Another congregant... by habnem 9-16-01

Hi! I'm here for the Church of Arse worship service. Where can I sit? Dear LORD, for these blessings we are about to receive may we be truly thankful...

Baptismal by crabby 9-16-01

Hi, I'd like to join your Church of Arse. No problem pal! Your gonna have to be baptised though. Alright no problem. Good, You wait here while I get the priest! RAAAAAR!!!!!!! FATHER TOBOR BAPTISE YOU REAL GOOD!!!!!!

Church of Arse: The Crusades. by habnem 9-17-01

*grunt* I'll show them. When my preparations are complete, those Church of Arse bastards will never cornhole me! *ahem* HELLO! I HAVE A DELIVERY FOR ONE ROGER STICKMAN. Yes?--HEY! RAAAAARR!! Make it stop!! MAKE IT STO-HOP!! TOBOR CONVERT YOU REAL GOOD, BITCH!

CC-LXIII - Arse-capades... by DexX 9-17-01

And welcome back, viewers, to the Church of Arse on Ice, and may I say that this show is truly living up to the hyperbole. It certainly is, Gabe. I don't know how Big Evil Dan manages to skate so gracefully in that big rubber arse costume... truly arsetacular. Now we come to the grand finale, the whole congregation, skating in formation, carrying the huge flaming arse. Wait, what's this? Oh no! DexX has tripped over, starting a chain reaction... everyone has tripped! The big flaming pile of arse is melting the ice! Oh the humanity! What do you say, Dan? *choke* *glug* Stick with just the telethon next year? *blub* Yeah... *blub* *choke* Ummm... are you sure this arms-crossed swimming technique really works? *glug*

The Church of Arse... I'm no good at this. by Drexle 9-17-01

This is bad, Dan... The Southern Baptarses are getting really restless. They've been sending us hate mail and death threats every day... Dave? What's wrong? Speak to me! Oh, I'm sorry DexX... I had the most wonderful vision... it was a divine field of verdant arse. It was incredible. *Gasp!* Dan! You've ascended to a higher state of conciousness!!! Not ascended, DexX... Arsended.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

The Church grew in popularity...

The Convert by Spankling 9-17-01

I hear that new \"Church of Arse\" is becoming quite popular. And I know you like arse... Arse worship? I am so about that! What do I have to do? Who do I get to kneel behind?!? Let me at it! Uh.... that\'s not what we... I mean... Oh.... nevermind. I think we can hook you up. I am so completely unworthy! Bless you goddess! The fact that you\'re right doesn\'t mean I need to hear it. Less talk, more tongue.

Church of Arse: Wipe the Arse! by NeoVid 9-18-01

Hmmm... The Church of Arse needs something we can consider unholy... Yeah... but what should this church use to represent heresy? I've got an idea! Tousers! What? Yknow, trousers without the arse in them! Excuse me, I've got to go retch because of that pun...

Church of Arse recruitment tactics by evil_d 9-19-01

Bad news, DexX. Conversion to the Church of Arse has dropped off sharply. It seems that some people just can't be arsed. That kind of defeatist attitude has no place at the Church of Arse, Dan. We just need to come up with a few good lures. Well, we could form a hierarchy. People would start out as Arse Virgins and work their way up to being Arse Masters! That's... a good idea, but let's put it on the back burner for now. Okay... how about Arse Monks? First we train them in the martial arse, then after years of study they'll learn to control others' arses mentally! I'm growing delirious just from thinking about that kind of power.

Church of Arse: When doorknocking, be polite, but insistent. by DexX 9-20-01

*bing bong* Okay, James, remember - polite, but insistent. Polite, but insistent... Hello? Join the Church of Arse, or I will kill you right now. What was that!?!? Oh! Silly me! Sorry, I always do that! Join the Church of Arse _please_. ...or I will kill you right now. ...uh, thanks.

Church of Arse: Dan goes visiting. by DexX 9-20-01

Come on in and sit down, young fella. I'll get you a cup of tea... How do you take it? What? I don't take it! I administer it! ...oh, sorry... little bit of milk and one sugar, please. *ahem* So, you're here about that new Church of Arse that's started up, eh? What's it all about, then? What's it all about? Arse, of course. I thought that much was obvious. Here's your tea. Yes, I understand it is about Arse, but then what? Obtaining arse? Penetrating arse? Observing arse? Oh, just Arse in general, really. Oooh, teddy bear biscuits!

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Interviews with hidden motives approached...

Church of Arse: On the Air by DexX 9-20-01

Good evening listeners, and welcome to Theologically Thpeaking, a radio show devoted to matters of religion. Joining us tonight, our regular panelists, Monsignor Francis O'Herne and Rabbi Herschel Silvermann... Peace be wid you, my son. Oy! This is the best character they could find, he's telling me... ...and our special guest panelists tonight are the co-founders of the Church of Arse - Big Evil Dan and DexX. May the Arse be with you. Wherever one or more is gathered, there's an Arse.

Church of Arse: On the Air, part 2 by DexX 9-20-01

Welcome back, listeners, to Theologically Thpeaking, a radio show dedicated to chatting about all that God stuff... Mr. Wendy Spacklehead of Pluto asks, "Dear Panelists, with all the bad stuff that goes on, do you think God is a bit of a bastard?" No, not at all. You know why? Bunnies. Bunnies are nice. See? I disagree. He _has_ to be a bastard, or we will just, you know... DexX, Dan, your views on the topic? Uh... DexX? Dan? ...I can't believe you think the guy on the left has a better arse! I mean, look at him! Hey, you know I appreciate the bony ones. You don't have to make me feel like a freak about it, you prick...

Church of Arse: On the Air, part three by DexX 9-20-01

Okay... Monsignor O'Herne and Rabbi SIlvermann seem to have fled in fear, so... uh... Tell me, what ideals is the Church of Arse based on? I'm glad you asked, Nancy. You see, we believe that in the beginning, before the Earth was formed, there was first of all the Great Arse. Yes, the Great Arse. Some of our detractors claim that they have studied our ancient texts, and the Great Arse is Steve Guttenberg... Oh, come on, Dan. I was drunk. I made a joke about Steve Guttenberg being the Great Arse. Just stop going on about it! *sniff* How can I just forget it? You know how much I liked the first two Police Academy films...

Church of Arse: On the Air, part four by DexX 9-20-01

Welcome back once again, viewers, to that God thingy on the radio. We seem to have lost Big Evil Dan... so, DexX... I'm sure everyone wants to know... why so many Church of Arse strips today? You_speak_like_I_have some hidden agenda or something, Nancy. Look, I want to spread the Arse word... Uh-huh... and the real reason? To... uh... Okay, to get strip 34567. Looooser!

This was actually for a comic contest, but it fits here:

The Official Money of the Church of Arse by attitudechicka 10-04-01

1 RAARR In Arse We Trust RAARR 1

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Unfortunately, all things come to an end sometime...

CC118: The Renaissarse (or The Reformassion) by DexX 5-02-02

It's no good, DexX - our Church has stagnated... lost its way... it is no longer the true Church of Arse. I am founding a new Church. What? No! You can't, Dan! If you divide our congregation there will be chaos! Brother aagainst brother! Sister against sister! Arse against arse! I'm sorry, but that is a risk I have to take. If I stay here and do nothing, knowing that our current ways are wrong... I fear for my immortal arse. ...but the teachings! The Great Lord Tobor's words are there in the Book of Arse for all to read. How could we have strayed...? I don't know how we strayed, but stray we did... from now on, I now belong to the Church of Ass. *sob* No... I will put on my Blessed G-String and pray for you, brother...

But you can pretend you never saw this and add on to the series still.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I made this one back in the day:

In Arse we trust. by kramer_vs_kramer 9-17-01

Hi, is this the Church of Arse? I was wondering if you had any openings for a figurehead of evil. I see. Do you have any prior experience? I spent 2000 years with the Christians, but I figured it was time for a change. Plus I wasn't happy with the pension scheme. Sounds good. I just have to speak to someone, then we'll be in touch. I'm sorry, we'll have to let you go. Someone better has come along.

Please Donate to Your Local Church of Arse by MikeyG 2-25-04

Hello, is this the Church of Arse? Why, yes it is. How may we be of serv-arse to you? I'm a High Elder in the Temple of Twat, and I wanted to speak to you about an event. Temple of Twat? Well, I suppose helping people become more religiously inclined can be a positive thing. I was thinking of a joint fundraiser. Okay. You bring the joints and the funds, and I'll raise my arse up to use them.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

lawson made some comics too, but I think he's too shy to post them.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I just didn't get round to it.

What's for communion at the Church of Arse? by jes_lawson 2-25-04

Arse Bisuits!

Confessional at the Church of Arse by jes_lawson 2-25-04

Forgive me Farter, for I have sinned. It has been three weeks since I last wiped.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.