Colour concepts for blind persons -
If a blind man wants help in understanding what 'colour' is then perhaps one day in the future people will use my handy cut-out-and-keep instructions below.
Take him to a fountain and let him sip from its cool waters and when it is winter and the brisk chilled wind blows in his hair tell him "blue my friend, the sensations you have just had are the colour blue"
If he asks what the colour green is then you hand him some hedge leaves or grass cuttings, or maybe squirt some Harpic pine fresh detergant in his face and tell him "that is what the colour green is"
yellow and red are harder ones to figure out perhaps you can come up with some ideas of your own cos all I can think of for yellow is baby sh*t and I guess if you wanted to show him red you would have to set his hair on fire.
I have recently put my guidlines into action and opened a school teaching my 'colour concepts' to blind under-priveliged kids (is there any other kind?)
Anyway the whole thing is going well, it is really good to give something back to the community. There is nothing more heartwarming than teaching a blind kid to paint great works of art with my patented 'I will hold your wrist and paint for you whilst you try not to move your hand around too much' technique.
It is amazing how well some of these kids are doing, a lot of them have taken reponsibilty for there own learning speed and they are coming on in leaps and bounds, although if I actually saw them leaping and bounding about the classroom I would have to slipper them, (I dont use an actual slipper but they cant tell, cos their blind).
One kid is particularly brilliant, Pew his name is. I had just shown him the colour yellow (as described above) and then went on to show him the colour red by setting his hair on fire. Suddenly he started rubbing and hitting his hands on his head and I thought to myself "Oh my God, the boys an artist, he'd only gone and discovered Orange all by himself."
Pew will probably be an interior decorater or maybe a portrait artist in a few years if he survives the course.
Anyway there are a few vacancies for teaching staff so if anybody from here wants a job then they can get in touch, we are currently working on a 'colour concept' for Black, so if any applicants have their own black leather gimp mask it may well help in you application.
---
GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.
