If anyone can come up with more of these, I'd like to see them.

The Rhyming News by MikeyG 5-04-04

Welcome back to Channel 3 News... ...I'm Joe Crow Sloemoe. Korn, Pete Yorn, Rip Torn, and Michael Dorn have all sworn to make porn. Michael Caine, Lois Lane, a Great Dane, and Tarzan & Jane are all in pain about the rain in Spain. Phylis Diller, Steve Miller, a serial killer, and Ben Stiller have decided to become shillers for weed killer. Goodnight.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Too bad rhymes don't = funny.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Neither does quantity, Paul.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The Rhyming News, continued by biped 5-05-04

Welcome back to Channel 3 News... ...I'm Joe Crow Sloemoe. Gerald Posner, Trent Reznor, Kurt Kasner, and Ed Asner just proposed to Tammy Faye Messner. Vince MacMahon, Dith Pran, Steely Dan, the Ku Klux Klan, Rue McClannahan, and the president of Pakistan all plan to audition as spokesman for Kellogg's All Bran. Stanley Tucci, Gary Busey, Jim Belushi, Steve Doocy, a moosey, and Kristy Yamaguchi are choosy about the brand of sushi they get "loosey-goosey" about while watching "I Love Lucy." Goodnight.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Me likey, biped. Me likey a lot.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Crikey! Me glad you likey, Mikey.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Now for a real challenge ...

Advanced Rhyming News by kaufman 5-05-04

Phil verDilfer went up the hill for pilfered silver in a flivver, had a will for not paying his bills for what he'd kill for. A foreign orange tasting like porridge tossed at the door hinge of a storage closet, neighbors found abhorrenge, now in quarengtine. It's no longer April, bring out your May pole, and get a good spray full of rain by the drainful while you conceive future Capril corns if you go by the eight-months-a-babe rule.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

God damn it all! That was completely awesome. But why, kaufman? Why must you see a nice little mountain where people are hanging around on it, having a good time, and you've just got to climb it and proclaim it yours??? WHY, kaufman? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY.....?????

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Uh ...

Because it's there?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

The Late Night Limmerick edition by mmyers 5-05-04

In news today, it seems that there once was a man in Nantucket, who's cock was so long he could...this just in! Pirate pandimonium in where else but Nantucket. We take you there live. I'm live where it seems there once was a pirate named Bates who was learning to rhumba on skates. He fell on his cutlass which rendered him nutless and practically useless on dates. Care to comment? Lies, lies, all of it lies, I've always been a mighty fine dancer! I was swept up to shore, with an injury from war, and that's why my penis won't answer. A startling development, I must say. We'll keep you updated as details become clearer. And now with an editorial, our own Ann. Thank you. There once was a woman named Ann, who didn't make as much as a man, though they did the same job, Ann got the knob, I guess things don't work out like you planned. Chuck, back to you.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

The Rhyming News, continued (continued) by biped 5-05-04

And now in the news -- The Middle East blues. The Arabs hate Jews, a truce they refuse. In other news, Tim -- a woman named Kim, was married to Jim, till she rat-poisoned him. In the weather this hour -- a thundrous shower, has robbed them of power, in the county of Brower. And now for the sports! Where a boxer named Schwartz, has been put on report, for not wearing his shorts. On the lighter side now -- a Maine farmer dropped trou, and had sex with a sow, while french-kissing a cow. Ha ha, Tim that's funny, and my eyes are all runny. Now stay tuned for "Bugs Bunny", and then "Win Ben Stein's Money."

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

You fuckers make me proud.

More Rhyming News by MikeyG 5-05-04

Robert E. Lee, Ali G, Marie Curie, Sandra Dee, Joe C, and Tommy Lee agreed today, in Napanee, to pay the attorney's fee levied on them by Booker T. Jay Mohr, Dinah Shore, a Matador, Al Gore, Queen Noor, and a whore all swore they are hardcore at the door of a grocery store. Nelly, R. Kelly, someone smelly, Mary Shelley, and Valeri Bertinelli were in a deli watching the telly while eating Jelly Bellys.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Damn...here's a list of words I was jotting down for my next one.

Valerie Bertinelli
Senator Toracelli
belly
Nelly
R. Kelly
telly
Deli
smelly
Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
jelly

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Take a deep breath...

The Rhyming News : SPECIAL REPORT by biped 5-06-04

This just in--President Bush was awash in a flush of well-wishers who rushed him and pushed till they crushed him, which then caused his tush to explode with a whoosh... ...as his tummy was smushed and a rather voluptuous cloud of the lushest and plushest aroma that you ever sniffed was allowed to be plowed through his anus quite loudly... ...as he took a whiff and then bowed to the crowd, evidently quite proud, as if this were some gift he'd bestowed to the hushed and then visibly miffed congregation of rowdy convention attendees... ...and people with mullets and drifters who'd showed up to eat some free chow and then lift peoples' wallets while they were distracted by smelling the scent of the President's vent... ...which refused to relent as it hovered unspent and their nostrils were bent to prevent the immensely offensive assault of the gaseous event that inflated the President's shorts like a tent ... ...causing plenty of people to faint to the floor as they wished in 2000 they'd voted for Gore even though he's no more than a bilious bore who's so fat he can no longer fit through a door.Goodnight.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

biped, you totally excel at this.

UMFUM, if you're out there, you'd kick ass at this. Where are you?

Limerick News by MikeyG 5-06-04

Today, a horny young colonel, took to reliously writing his journal. In this he wrote porn, and garnered much scorn, when he began having emissions nocturnal. On the scene with us now is some geezer, who looks quite in need of a tweezer. Gramps, please trim those hairs, to be only fair, from the crusty old rim of your sneezer. Thank you, Maureen, you cunt. And although I'd rather look at your front, if you'd just turn around, and maybe bend down, I'd give that ass a good punt.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.