Research in the 21st century - I by lukket 5-23-04

So this concludes today's lecture on division. Any questions? We have a question professor! Could your method of division be applied to other numbers than the ones in the examples? If so, our father at Holy Cross Operation might have a job open for you in the research labs. Well, it's not my ... sorry... it's not a problem. You will be contacted shortly.

Research in the 21st century - II by lukket 5-23-04

Hello, this is Professor Estoppel speaking. Hello. I'm Darth of the HCO, owner of Eunuchs. My sons tells me that you possess a method of dividing numbers. Is that correct? Yes that is correct. Consider yourself hired! We need you at our offices tomorrow. By the way, aren't you the company that sues the entire tech industry for dubious causes? I find your lack of faith very disturbing.

Research in the 21st century - III by lukket 5-23-04

Hello. How may I help you? Eh. Is this not the address of the Holy Cross Operation head office? Yes, sir. But we have to maintain this cover-up to protect us from the hordes of hackers from the online communities! How is that going to work? They come here, think they have reached the wrong place, buys our tex-mex food and then never return. Oh, that explains the long queues at the public restrooms in this town.

Research in the 21st century - IV by lukket 5-23-04

Welcome to the Holy Cross Operation, professor. I will introduce you to your assignments Thanks. What is going to be my field of research? You will document your method of division and report back to me. Furthermore you will investigate books and scientific reports on division and report any use of your method there back to me. Will you publish the results? No! Nobody will read them. Ah. I'm used to that with my students.

Research in the 21st century - V by lukket 5-23-04

Haven't seen you before. You must be new? What are you researching? Well. I was hired to do some research on division. I'm not quite sure what we're going to need it for, though. Ah. You see, the HCO is a litigious organisation. We purchase patents and copyrights and then sue people that infringe on them. But, my method of division is school book text. How on earth will we be able to claim to own that? It's public domain, for all I know. Well. That's why it takes some legal tactics to both sue for infringement and for getting the rights in the first place.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Research in the 21st century - VI by lukket 5-23-04

What's your role here, anyway? I am the grim reaper. What do you do here at the Holy Cross Operation? Well. We are suing humanity, because we're losing billions of dollars every day! How on earth can you claim that? How can we earn money on death!? Exactly! How can we earn money on death when our competitors do it for free, or claim that my assistance is not needed!?

Research in the 21st century - VII by lukket 5-23-04

Hello ma'am, I've come to deliver a subpoena for your son! Lenny! I think it's the RIAA again! Hello Lenny. I'm representing The Holy Cross Operation. Here's a subpoena to go to court. What have I done wrong? We have indications that you may have infringed upon a patent regarding division. Mother, I think it's candid camera!?

Research in the 21st century - VIII by lukket 5-23-04

Professor, I've read your report, but there's one thing that bothers me. You write that the method was invented many centuries ago and that it is unpatentable and public domain!? Yes? That's correct. We've stricken that part. I would prefer if you didn't write things like that. But it's the truth! The truth? The truth is that we pay you very well to write these reports. Point taken.

Research in the 21st century - IX by lukket 5-23-04

Better write my concerns on the Yippee! business boards in the HCO section. Hey you newbie! I put my money in HCO stock because I believe they will prevail in their law suits. Your claim that division is free is just as un-american as communism! Hey commie, it's against the U.S. constitution to just give away ideas and concepts. Therefore division must be paid for. That's why I invest in HCO! It's people like you that chokes the IT sector in America with your ideas that earning money is a crime! What a dweep you are! I would date you if you hadn't those strange concepts of property! OK. Maybe the stories on http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/ are not fictional after all...

Research in the 21st century - X by lukket 5-23-04

Here's the business news. Holy Cross Operation is suing for infringement on their division patents. Math professors world wide and the so-called open source movement are extremely critical of this. This reporter thinks that this is because they expect to get everything for free. Business will die if such crucial information was free.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Research in the 21st century - XI by lukket 5-23-04

We want payment for the continuing infringement on our division patents that we have suffered through centuries. They have gone to far. I quit tomorrow. This is against my professional integrity. Thank you Darth. Since announcement of the litigations to enforce the division patents, the HCO stocks have gained drastically. Yeah. We don't have a product, and we use the news to artificially inflate our stock prices. Sheesh. I'm so quitting. All employees of the HCO can thereby look forward to a raise since they all have stock options. Maybe it's not that bad after all.

Research in the 21st century - XII by lukket 5-23-04

Can I talk to your Chief Executive Officer, please? I AM the Chief Executive Officer of Alabama Instruments. How may I help you? I come from HCO, and we have an offer for you. If you pay us $10,000,000,000 in royalties for the division feature of your calculators we will not sue. How can you do that? Are you a successor in interest to Ahmes? He was the first mathematician you know. What matters is that WE have the copyright and patent registration. Whatever you do. Don't ask if they have patented breathing.

Research in the 21st century - XIII by lukket 5-23-04

Welcome to the preliminary proceedings in "HCO versus Alabama Instruments". I believe the defendant has two motions? That's correct. We have filed a motion to dismiss, and if that does not succeed, we would like to remand this case to a federal court as it is clearly a copyright case. What does HCO counsel have to say on this? We deny both motions. This is clearly a contract case: We wanted to offer them a contract and they refused! OK. I'm not going to get late for lunch, so I deny both motions and accept jury trial for this case. Good decision. I believe the table is ready for you, your honor.

Research in the 21st century - XIV by lukket 5-23-04

Hi new guy. Do you like to be here? I don't know. I feel it to be quite hard on my conscience. Your what? My conscience. You know. Like when you do something bad on purpose that makes people hurt, and you feel all sorry for it. Like when you spend all of the rent money for buying a flame thrower and meet your landlord on the doorstep after a killing spree? OK. I'm quitting.

Research in the 21st century - XV by lukket 5-23-04

I've come to resign. What a pity. You were very promising. Well, consider yourself fired with immediate effect. You can't do that!? Oh yes. Your contract says that resigning is prohibited. That's illegal. I'll take this to court! Sorry. That will be a breach of section 3 of the contract.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Research in the 21st century - XVI by lukket 5-23-04

Welcome to the final proceedings in the case between "Holy Cross Operation" and "Alabama Instruments." The defendant may now come with his final arguments to the jury. Thank you, your honor. Back in 1688 B.C. the first known mathematician, Ahmes, was born. He documented division on several paper scrolls, and his ideas have since become public domain. All intellectual property laws ensure that very old information will remain public domain and therefore HCO's claim is meritless. Thank you.

Research in the 21st century - XVII by lukket 5-23-04

OK. Now the counsel of the Holy Cross Operation with his final statements to the jury. Thanks, your honor. Since the invention of division 3,692 years ago, my client has suffered $1,000,000,000 in losses each year due to lack of royalty payment. That's 3.7 trillion dollars of which just a small fraction could easily have been used for the benefit of the citizens in this great town.

Research in the 21st century - XVIII by lukket 5-23-04

Gentlemen of the jury. Before you proceed to vote, I must remind you of the significance of this case. On one hand, it could mean a dangerous slope towards exaggerated profitizing on intellectual property that may harm all math users in the entire country. On the other hand, it could also mean lower taxes, better streets, greater schools and a significantly prosperous future for all inhabitans in this great town.

Research in the 21st century - XIX by lukket 5-23-04

Here's a live transmission from the courthouse in the "Holy Cross Operation" against "Alabama Instruments" case. There's no way they're gonna win this one. Have you reached a decision? Yes your honor. The jury find all claims of "Holy Cross Operation" of owning the intellectual rights to division to be meritless. I thought so! However, we feel that we could really use some fat to chew on, so we declare "Alabama Instruments" liable for paying roaylties of $1 billion per year of operation amounting to $25 billion. Oh no. Tomorrow's classes are on divison.

Research in the 21st century - XX by lukket 5-23-04

Today we're going to learn how to use multiplication instead of division. If you multiply something by 0.5 it equals dividing something by 2, but you don't infringe on any patents. Would you know how to do this without grasping the concept of division initially? Yes. This is just another way of looking at division. I'm gonna tell on my dad! Yeah. My dad is so gonna bust you for this! Yeah. If you don't give us good grades in math, we're going to tell on you!

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Research in the 21st century - XXI by lukket 5-23-04

I have a letter of cease and desist for using a derived method of our division patent. Ah. I'll see you in court. I have to dismiss this case because the grey suit from HCO convinced me of their dubious theories of derivative works during the lunch he paid for me. Damn. So you see Michael, that's why I can't share the 1st prize in the lottery with you, even though we paid the ticket together. Good point.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Very well done. If I were Roger Ebert, I would say:

"A revelation!"
--Roger Ebert, "Mad Blurbs Weekly"

"An astonishment!"
--Roger Ebert, "Quotable Movie Comments"

"A thumb up!"
--Roger Ebert, "Thrifty Nickel"

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.