I figured I should gather them together so I could dazzle you all with my brilliance.

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 1: I Don't Get It Either by ivytheplant 4-26-04

*stare*   !

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 2: Lily In A Good Mood by ivytheplant 4-27-04

Chirp chirp *ruffle* Chirp chirp *ruffle* Chirp chirp *ruffle* "Chirp"?

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 3: The Fierce Hunter by ivytheplant 4-27-04

*Pretend the T-Rex is a Jurassic Park toy* *gnaw gnaw gnaw* *gnaw gnaw gnaw* *electronic roar*

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 4: Telepathic Powers by ivytheplant 4-27-04

*stare*   ?   *stare*   !   Eeeexcellent! Fill bowl! Fast!

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 5: The 9AM Gladiator Tournament by ivytheplant 4-28-04

*burrow* *stalk* What did I say about trying to kill each other?

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 6: Got My Attention by ivytheplant 4-28-04

*scamper* *plop* Ow... *purrrrrr*

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 7: The 10PM Frenzy by ivytheplant 4-28-04

Hi Lil-- *karoom* *karoom* ??? 10 minutes of this later... What?

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 8: Anubis The Practical by ivytheplant 6-26-04

You left a mousie in your food bowl again. It was a protest statement. The food was low. You know, some households aren't as generous as I am to leave a bowl of food always out for you to nibble at your convenience. I could see the bottom of the bowl! What if you died? We'd starve! You're being silly. Well if you died inside, at least we could eat you.

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 9: Anubis The Realist by ivytheplant 6-29-04

There's now two mousies in the food bowl. You know what to do. I just filled your bowl this morning. We just want to make sure you're on the ball. People have taken their cats to the pound for lesser offenses. When you decide to stop kidding yourself, we'll be in the kitchen.

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 10: High-Risk Activities by ivytheplant 6-29-04

What's up? Anubis is sleeping so relaxed, he's ready to fall off the cat tree. Oh man, I'm glad I'm here to see this! Oh! There he goes! HAHAHAHAHAHA! No jury will convict me.

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 11: No Opportunity Wasted by ivytheplant 6-29-04

Looks like it's time for another episode of Catalympics. Let's see. Mom's asleep, claws are extended, butt's wiggling, ready and-- LAUNCH! Are you gonna be okay? If you find my spleen, let me know.

Tales of Ivy's Cats: Captain Furtron vs The Dust Menace 1 by ivytheplant 9-10-04

Zzzzzzz Gasp! I sense a disturbance in the Nap! I know that look... Just as I thought! My old archnemesis, The Dust Menace, is at it again! Secure the breakables! Time for the 10 PM frenzy!

Tales of Ivy's Cats: Captain Furtron vs The Dust Menace 2 by ivytheplant 9-10-04

Using my super-secret Captain Furtron skills, I must infiltrate the secret hiding place of The Dust Menace! But first, a nap!

Tales of Ivy's Cats: Captain Furtron vs The Dust Menace 3 by ivytheplant 9-10-04

So Mr. Dust Menace! We meet again to do battle! Have at you! Try to run away from me, will you!?

Tales of Ivy's Cats: Captain Furtron vs The Dust Menace 4 by ivytheplant 9-10-04

*purr* I am victorious! *purr* The fierce warrior is unmatched in battle! Awww...look Anubis! I found your favorite mousie! The end? The Mouse Menace! We meet again! Prepare to die! Why are you looking at me like that? Anubis?

These aren't really titled with the series, but I thought they should go here anyway.

Because I said so, that's why!

Doctor's Appointment by ivytheplant 10-22-03

Well, I'm back from my doctor's appointment. You're all better I hope. Cause the bowl is empty. That stupid Sand Dune Incident is coming back to haunt me. Landing on your head is a bad thing. Let me refresh your memory where to put my food. I'm going to need a CAT scan. What!? They won't take my word for it?

My One Weakness by ivytheplant 11-29-03

Sigh. Grumble grumble stupid plumbing grumble. Purr. Aww...sorry I'm so cranky, floofball. I won't be able to get a shower for two more days. I'll give you a bath if you want. Ah! That's so cute I think I'm gonna cry! I did something cute. This means I get snuggles. Purrrrr.

Yes, I Am Excited By It by ivytheplant 12-05-03

WOOHOO!!! ??? I found another gray hair! Only 99,986 to go before I can dye my hair purple without bleach! Poor humans... I'm gonna go look for more!! They got the short end of the stick when God was handing out fur.

The Elf Is Not Responsible For Cat Hair In The Presents by ivytheplant 12-14-03

*rustle rustle* Anubis! Eeek! Stop gnawing on the Santamas presents! But there's a mousie trapped in a colorful box! I must find it so I can bat at it!

Internal Conflicts in Ivytopia by ivytheplant 1-24-04

Mew. No! Mew. NO! Mew. Stop tugging at my heartstrings!

Day After Disaster Marathon by ivytheplant 1-30-04

Mooooaaaannnn... Why isn't mommy up yet? Ivy stayed up late watching disaster shows. What should we do to her? Pouncing always works. I'll get the ice cubes as a backup.

Purriceless... by ivytheplant 2-04-04

Ball of yarn: .52¢. New pants: $20. Here kitty kitty kitty! *bat* purrrrrrr Hydrogen peroxide: .85¢. Band-aids: $1.45. Who's the cutest kitten ever!? *scuffle swipe* purrrrr Finally wearing the kitten out in time for bed: priceless. I'm bored. zzzzzz

I'm Dead. Go Away. by ivytheplant 2-16-04

Play with me. Go 'way. I'm sick. *cough!wheeze!choke!* So by "sick," you mean... *moooaaaan!*

It's a Cat's Life by ivytheplant 4-08-04

Earlier this morning... Let's see. What to wear today? Hey, black angora panties. Kinky. Waitaminute...I don't have black angora panties... ANUBIS! Hey, what's the big idea messing with my sleeping basket? It took hours to get it comfy!

Things Most People Never Think About, But Ivy Does Regularly by ivytheplant 5-27-04

How much cat hair would it take to make a pair of mittens?  ??  I wonder what would happen if I threw this toy mousie and then made the floor frictionless after the cats started running?   !   How come I find out a substance is carcinogenic AFTER I spray it liberally around my apartment? That's it, I'm calling the ASPCA.

Cultural Differences by ivytheplant 6-15-04

What's mom doing in there? Shaving her legs. Why in the world would she want to remove her fur? Men find it more attractive than hair. You--you DOGS!! Hey! No need to lay it on all of us!

I Look Good In A Turban by ivytheplant 6-26-04

Why is Ivy wearing a turban? She's dyeing her fur purple again. I still don't get the turban. She said it was to keep the dye from staining her clothes. Waitaminute! That's no turban! Those are my pajama pants! Technically they're mine. We just let you humans borrow our stuff.

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 12: The Culprit Denies All by ivytheplant 9-13-04

Ashy, did you pull all my scarves out of the drawer again? It wasn't me. The bed is my alibi. I found short black fur on them. You're the only one with short black fur. It's just a coincidence. And your collar. ...Look at me! I'm snuggled cute in the bed! You can't blame cuteness!

These comics confirm my theory. Cats are crazy.

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Get Your War On

True Tales of Ivy's Cats 13: Sleeping Arrangements by ivytheplant 9-17-04

Wow, you look terrible. Ashy's been curling up with me at night, but she keeps pushing me off the bed. Wait, Ashy's pushing you off the bed? I sense a slight disparity of force here... I think she has some sort of anti-gravity ray powered by cuteness. In that case, she's a cosmic threat. Finish her off now before she realizes her power. It's too late. I'm under her control.

We use to have a cat that would attack things that weren't there. Than it would hiss at shadows and sprint across the room for no reason. Than again we use to get it high.

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Get Your War On

Mine do that stoned or sober. Then again, can you really call a cat "sober?"

Here's a fun tip: Burn catnip like incense to get them on a really good high. It's even better than letting them eat it.