For my birthday, I got the box set of the original trilogy, Episodes IV, V, and VI. I love it. Watching all these scenes in widescreen with full surroundsound is something I've never been able to do before. It wasn't until Episode V that I did a double-take and thought "HUH?!". The actor who plays Jango Fett in Episode II has been digitally dubbed over Boba Fett. I was nearly pissed at this, but you know, it's kinda logical I suppose.

Then in Episode VI, everything was nice. The color, definition, and sound were all improved. Nothing bad about that, in my opinion. Even at the end, where the X-Wings are flying overhead and it moves to show all the other planets celebrating (including a shot of Naboo and an updated shot of Coruscant). It's what came after this that orignally just set me off. The original actor who played Anakin in Return of the Jedi has been digitally replaced by Hayden Christensen. This made me really angry at first. I thought to myself "well, fuck, why not just replace Yoda with the animated Yoda and Obi Wan with Ewan McGregor?!" but then I realized that in a sense, it sorta works out. I rationalized with myself, and I understand. I still fucking hate that he did it, but what can I do?

I can forgive Greedo shooting first (or, now, at the same time), I can allow for that wonky Jabba to be inserted, I can even accept Boba Fett being voiced by a different actor. It's going to take me some time to get over this blatant, obvious substitution though.

All in all, the movies are still as great as they were in their original form, however, I will not reccomend replacing your VHS copies of the original version just yet. The sound, picture, and overall quality of the movies has been revamped to be much closer to what they would be if they were done with modern technology, but if you just *can't* stand someone fucking with the movies you love, I would reccomend sticking with VHS or Laserdisc copies of Star Wars. Otherwise, go out and get these DVDs.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

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For my birthday, I got the box set of the original trilogy, Episodes IV, V, and VI. I love it. Watching all these scenes in widescreen with full surroundsound is something I've never been able to do before. It wasn't until Episode V that I did a double-take and thought "HUH?!". The actor who plays Jango Fett in Episode II has been digitally dubbed over Boba Fett. I was nearly pissed at this, but you know, it's kinda logical I suppose.

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That's hilarious. I own the set, haven't watched it yet though. Give it time. The procrastination is strong in this one...

Actually, I'm pretty sure that Boba is supposed to be a clone of Jango's, seeing as how all the children clones of Jango looked exactly like Boba.

The problem is that the books, which get Lucas' approval, have already said that Boba Fett was an exiled Journeyman Protector previously named Jaster Mereel (can't remember what planet), before he became the bounty hunter.

Like a lot of cliche Star Wars fans, Boba Fett has always been my favorite character. I feel like Lucas is fucking him up.

I still believe that Lucas had a brilliant idea and execution with Star Wars, but once he got fatty, old, and egotistical, he made Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, which sucked balls. Other examples of this trend: Aerosmith, Pearl Jam, Robin Williams, Howie Mandel, and Metallica.

All of them had something good when they started and turned to shit.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

If Boba Fett sounds like Jango Fett now, how come all the stormtroopers don't sound like him, too? They're all clones of him.

I hate the scene where Jabba is walking around with Han Solo. I always pictured him as a character who is so huge that he could only move very slowly, like a slug, and with much effort.

Lucas wimped out by having Greedo shoot first, even if he changed it to make the shots almost simultaneous. Han was the kind of guy who would shoot first if someone was about to kill him, and his character was cooler when he did.

Replacing the crappy-looking bug-eyed Emperor with Ian McDiarmid in EMPIRE was a good idea. Replacing the original rebel fighters approaching the Death Star at the end of STAR WARS with digital ones was not. There's no need to replace special effects that still look good.

Listening to Lucas on the commentary tracks, I became sick of the word "digital." He sounds regretful throughout, moaning about how this scene or that scene was deficient and would've looked better if done digitally.

The new CGI song-and-dance routine in Jabba's palace at the beginning of RETURN is horrible. It looks like something out of a bad Pixar movie.

I like the new insert shots of the different planets celebrating at the end of RETURN, as well as the new music that replaces that awful Ewok chant. But Lucas' rationalization for sticking Hayden Christensen into that shot with Yoda and Obi-Wan is stupid.

All that aside, though, the DVD set is well worth having if you're a STAR WARS fan.

One thing -- near the end of RETURN, when the Emperor is trying to seduce Luke over to the dark side, why does it look as though there is a crudely-drawn black splotch next to his right eye in several close-ups? I've noticed this in the VHS version and figured they'd fix it in the special edition, but they didn't.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I've decided I like this explanation as to what happened to Lucas much better.

http://www.monkeyspit.net/rantman/skycapt.php

This is my favorite paragraph:

"Expect Lucas's dramatic and public suicide right before the release of STAR WARS EPISODE III: FROM HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THEE, in which we'll learn that Yoda is a child molester, Luke is actually a random orphan passed off to Anakin as his son, and Han Solo spent his early adolescence being rented out to sailors by his pimp, Chewbacca."

I agree, the new set is worth having, if for no other reason to have all the extras and the commentary and such.

I used to hate the "Yub Yub" song that the Ewoks sing at the end of ROTJ, but since then i've seen so many other things that i thought were shit in Ep 1 and 2, I kind of miss the old song.

Also, as far as Boba Fett/Jenga(joke) Fett goes, i believe in Ep 2 he says that he kept one of the clones for himself that wasn't altered as the rest were, and that became his son, Bob.

And here's the comic where I suggested bringing back Luke's hand.

Director's cut and paste by mmyers 11-04-04

I just watched the new Star Wars DVDs. Lucas put Hayden Christensen at the end of Return of the Jedi. What a crock. I'm part of an online community that is trying to get Lucas to add Luke's hand to the end scene too. You want a disembodied hand to be in the final scene of Jedi? I mean, it is dead and all, so it should get to hang with Yoda and Ben and Vader. You should join our site. It's at cgi-lukes-hand.org. I'll never join you. Join me and I'll get you on the message boards. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I hate Ewoks and I cheered when they died and the only good scenes in ROTJ were aboard the Death Star and I refuse to see the rest of the movies because I'm highly confident that they will tarnish my childhood memories.

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What others say about boorite!

I had a think about it, and I can see DX's point of view. OK, so if Boba is now Jango's clone, that (possibly) makes sense.

But we're into a whole philosophical debate now about the nature of the Jedi afterlife. We have Alec Guinness, Yoda and Hayden Christian for some reason. Buh...wah? Is it like, arbitrary what you end up as as a ghost? Coz if Yoda could choose, I'm sure he'd choose to be a hundred when he looked more like a Hobbit.

I wrote some stuff of what I would have liked Epiosde I to be like, but that would be better suited for Star Wars fan pages, not Stripcreator.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Okay, simply put, even with Lucas' approval, the books are supplementary, not always the word of Lucas.

Yes, the books said Boba was actually a mercenary who modeled his suit after the Mandelorians, but I doubt Lucas gives a shit. Lucas wrote in that Boba Fett is Jango Fett's cloned "son".

As for why the Stormtroopers don't sound like Boba/Jango fett? They're not all clones. In fact, it's been known for a while that while some troopers are actually clones (like the one who whacks his head on the door to get the droids), most are not. A huge percentage of the clones were killed in the clone wars, and had to be augmented to feed the Empire's growing, ravenous hunger for power. Obviously the clone production ended with the death of Jango Fett. Apparently, the Kaminoans needed a live subject to continue the cloning for some reason. I have no clue. In any case, there are no new clones after Jango dies. If they hadn't needed him around, why did they basically keep him under lock and key, telling him he has to return after short periods away?

And for those who point out Leia's comment of "aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?", that's easily explained. Even the US Military has certain height requirements for certain jobs. It makes sense that the Empire would have them as well. "5'6 eh? Sorry, too short to be a Stormtrooper. Maybe you can be cannon fodder instead".

So, while his accent should have been different, Boba's voice would have turned out fairly close to his "father"'s.

As for the seemingly ludicrous replacement at the end of ROTJ, I've heard one plausible (yet somewhat improbable) explaination. When you become one with the force, the force restores you to what you were like before you fell to the dark side, if redeemed. In Anakin's case, this would have been in his youth. Obi Wan and Yoda remained good guys 'till death.

I don't buy it, personally, since Anakin went to the light side before dying anyway. I guess it requires some sort of miracle or something.

I just wonder how much of a leap it's going to require in Episode III to get from longhaired, whiny-baby, terrible actor Anakin Skywalker to badass, voiced by James Earl Jones, Sith Lord Darth Vader. Supposedly, Hayden Christiensen whined to Lucas until he let him wear the Vader costume himself.

That bugs me a bit. 6'7 David Prowse played Vader in Episodes 4-6 (granted, once in a while his stunt double played him as well, not to mention the substitute face actor in ROTJ). Hayden is a very humble 6'1. 6" makes a huge difference. I'm 6'1, and I know several people taller than me. I'm not imposing. Not even in full Darth Vader regalia could I be imposing. They're gonna have to put Hayden on stilts to make him imposing next to Obi-Wan. Even the 3" Hayden has over the 5'10 Ewan McGregor is not enough to even out the difference seen between the 5'10 Alec Guiness and the 6'7 David Prowse.

At least they got the right height for Obi Wan.

Onto more pleasing changes in the series.

I love that they replaced the Emperor in the newest version with the man who now plays Palpatine. I like the subtle digital corrections done on several lightsaber scenes. I also like that the whole thing has been cleaned up, the sound has been fully restored and brought to its true 5.1 surroundsound quality. I love the fact that Lucas edited out Luke's girly scream when jumping off the rails in Bespin. He was escaping, not falling to his doom. He partially fixed his error with Greedo shooting first, making them shoot virtually at the same time and making Han Solo's movement to the side less distracting. I like the new version of Jabba in the "restored" scene in Episode 4. Nothing will make it perfect, but he did his best in making it close.

One thing he thankfully didn't take out is the supposed "nip slip" scene in ROTJ. I've taken screens from this and decided, there's no nipplage anyway. The Twi'lek is wearing a bodysuit under the outfit anyway.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Yeah, there's no nips in Star Wars.

Also, the books are not the word of Lucas, but he has final say over what happens and the origins of his major characters, which we can all agree on that Boba Fett has become one of them.

As for Ian McDiarmid, he actually played the Emperor in Return of the Jedi, so he was a natural choice for the "first" three episodes.

I had read somewhere that Lucas had also planned to make Episodes 7, 8, and 9 as well. Anyone else care to substantiate this rumor?

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Leave when the movie is over. That is the way of Heaven.

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What others say about boorite!

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I had read somewhere that Lucas had also planned to make Episodes 7, 8, and 9 as well. Anyone else care to substantiate this rumor?

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My sources (my sci-fi obsessed buds) said that these planned episodes involved more and more far-fetched plots where clones of the Emperor keep trying to kidnap Han and Leia's son. They were shelved.

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I personally don't really care for the idea of making 7, 8, and 9. It's not that the stories are completely far-fetched, but I just think that they wouldn't make great movies for the general audience.
There is no happy ending in the books. The afformentioned aliens are simply destroying everything in the SW universe. The Yuzhan Vong (no idea on the spelling) are awesome characters, but the makeup for them alone would probably overshoot the budget. The biggest problem is that there's no way Lucas could do the later movies unless he completely recast the whole thing. Then we'd see digitally added faces for everyone in 4, 5, and 6. Luke, Han, Leia, and every other character would need to be recast!

Now, an *extreme* prequel would be kinda cool. Something based on the Knights of the Old Republic era would be pretty badass. Possibly even an extreme sequel, something set in the very distant future of the SW universe.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Yuuzhan Vong are awesome, and they wouldn't have to recast Luke, Leia, or Han Solo at all. The actors in real life are all as old as their characters are in the books. The only problem is that they killed Chewbacca.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Yeah, and they could be on some kind of quest, like for the Holy Grail or something.

And the movie could start with the leader of the jedi knights riding in, and someone pointing out that he's not using the Force; he's just banging two coconuts together. And he says it doesn't matter, but then the issue comes up about where the coconuts came from, because they're not native to this planet. But maybe two ewoks could have brought it, stringing it between them. And then there's a town where a sith lord is saying, "Bring out your dead," and this guy brings out an annoying gungan who insists he's not dead yet, so the sith says he finds the gungan's lack of faith disturbing, and proceeds to lop off his head with a light saber.

And so on. Work with me, folks, this could work!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I like it, kaufman. George Lucas should hand his crown over to John Cleese and be done with it.

You heard it here first, folks.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I like the idea of an extreme prequel showing how the Star Wars universe first got started. I picture something like a quantum singularity bursting forth in a rapidly expanding shell of gluon plasma, which precipitates quarks and then finally all of the familiar subatomic particles. When the first photons are produced, the screen finally lights up. Then the film ends.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Isn't any galaxy "far far away?" Hell, most of our own galaxy is far, far away. Even the Moon is a pretty fair trot.

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What others say about boorite!

He didn't say any galaxy far, far away because he was referring to a specific galaxy.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Yeah, but it's redundant. He could have just said, "once upon a time, in another galaxy." To anyone familiar with cosmology, that would adequately convey the concept of "far, far away." Even the closest galaxy, Andromeda, is 2.9 million light years away. That's roughly 3 x 9,460,730,472,580,800 miles. That's far as all fuck. The light we see today from Andromeda started its trip when human beings were still hairy little bastards with chimplike brains, like in Altered States. That's a long time ago, and, it goes without saying, far far away.

Heck, the Local Group alone comprises about 30 galaxies spanning a 10 light year (94,607,304,725,808,000 mile) diameter. And that's just the LOCAL group.

And what's up with Jar Jar Binks? He totally sucks.

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What others say about boorite!

Well, before you go around casting stones, need I remind you that we have our wirthling?

As for your first question, I think it's a really bad teen singing ensemble.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

As long as they stay in that neighborhood of 100 quadrillion miles away from ME.

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What others say about boorite!

Yeah, but in another two billion years (when the Andromeda galaxy is crashing into our own) historians will need to know that George Lucas had some other galaxy in mind other than Andromeda. Lucas, being a prescient genius who understands how his work will still be revered billions of years from now, realized this. Hence the disclaimer, "...in a galaxy far, far away".

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.