2004 News Quiz by CHUBBY 12-21-04

Pictures of Private Lindy England with an Iraqi POW on a dog leash prompted: A. Cries of outrage from the world B. Calls for Donald Rumsfeld's resignation, C. A proposal of marriage from Dick Morris. Federal workers off for Reagan's funeral spent the day A. Watching it on TV B. Reflecting on his legacy C. Thinking, "If we shoot Carter, Ford, Clinton, Dubya, and H. W., we'll get a whole week off!" In DC, crowds lined the the Reagan funeral procession route before his body even left CA. These people A. were Bonzo fans B. are staunch Republicans C. have been homeless and unemployed since 1982.

2004 News Quiz II by CHUBBY 12-21-04

The "missing man" formation and the riderless horse at Reagan's funeral A. Signify the loss of a comrade at arms B. Allow a nation to grieve C. Are perfect metaphors for Reagan's administration, a dumb, dangerous beast running amuck while the missing man, a genial boob, fronts for a pack of thugs who carried out their secret deals with open contempt for the Constitution D. Jets! And a pony! Best metaphor for Reagan's administration is A. inmates running an asylum B. Huns raping & pillaging C. "Chicken" at 120 mph D. Robin Hood w/Alzheimer's robbing the middle class to give to the rich.

2004 News Quiz III by CHUBBY 12-21-04

The picture of Lindy England with an Iraqi POW on a leash showed her violating A. the Geneva convention B. Army regs C. Every canon of basic human decency D. Pooper scooper laws. A picture of a masked figure with electrodes attached to his genitals showed A. American war crimes B. Al-Qaeda's hostage torture techniques C. Michael Jackson relaxing at home. Ronald Reagan's state funeral in DC led to fears of overcrowding in A. Arlington National Cemetery B. the Beltway and the streets of the district C. Hell.

2004 News Quiz IV by CHUBBY 12-21-04

A documentary on McDonald's, "Supersize Me", was a surprise hit. Which of the following is NOT an actual McDonald's demographic? A. Users B. Heavy Users C. Smart folks. Ronald Reagan will be go down in history for A. Winning the Cold War B. Lowering taxes C. Selling arms to Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin-Laden. The Keane Commission 9/11 report called for more intelligence A. gathering B. interpretation C. sharing D. in the Oval Office.

2004 News Quiz V by CHUBBY 12-21-04

Reagan, an advocate of less government, had a state funeral that cost nearly a billion dollars. This was paid for by A. His Estate B. Private Contributions C. The Republican Party No, I'm just fuckin' with ya. Of course it was you and me. Nick Berg was decapitated by A. US soldiers B. Fat, fair-skinned Arabs, whose leader wore a mask despite the fact the CIA knows what he looks like; in front of a mockup of Abu Ghraib prison. TIME's "Man of the Year", the person who, for better or for worse, most influenced events in the preceding year, was A. Dubya B. Kerry C. Bin-Laden D. Ernie, a voting machine mechanic in Ohio

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

2004 News Quiz VI by CHUBBY 12-21-04

On the campaign trail, John Kerry promised a cure for A. The deficit B. The Iraqi quagmire C. Terrorism D. Insomnia. The world community expressed doubts that there would ever be fair and free elections in A. Iraq B. Afghanistan C. Haiti D.The Ukraine E. Ohio. Dubya's Iraq victory plan involves A. UN troops B. Training Iraqi soldiers and police C. Building McDonald's everywhere and waiting for the Iraqis to die of obesity-related ailments.

2004 News Quiz VII by CHUBBY 12-21-04

A ban on Plan B, a morning-after pill, prompted a run on A. IUD's B. Diaphragms C. Norplant D. Coathangers E. Pampers Alberto Gonzales, Dubya's Attorney-General Designate, once wrote a memo in support of torture. The jurist he most admires is A. Oliver Wendell Holmes B. William Rehnquist C. Tomas de Torquemada The lesson the US Army learned from the Abu Ghraib photos was A. Train guards in the Geneva Convention B. Better accountability in the chain of command C. Ban cameras

2004 News Quiz VIII by CHUBBY 12-21-04

Kerik's nomination as Secretary of Homeland Security was quashed because of his A. ties to the mob B. ties to the Saudis C. Syrian wife D. extramarital affairs E. failure to file some paperwork A constitutional amendment to allow naturalized citizens as president is supported by A. Arnold Schwarzenegger B. Henry Kissinger C. Madeleine Albright D. John Kenneth Galbraith E. Osama bin-Laden Red states A. Voted for Dubya B. Have the highest divorce and murder rates C. Are predominantly Republican D. Get more money back from the Federal government than they pay in taxes E. Are backwards Trick question: all of the above!

2004 News Quiz IX by CHUBBY 12-22-04

Outgoing Attorney-General John Ashcroft secretly hoped to become Dubya's running mate but was easily defeated on the first ballot by A. Dick Cheney B. Rudy Giuliani C. Nelson Rockefeller. Which of the following is NOT on display at the Bill Clinton Presidential Center? A. A mockup of the Oval Office B. Clinton's grade school report cards C. Monica Lewinsky's drycleaning bills. Colin Powell got the most attention in DC this year from A. Congress B. The White House C. Foreign ambassadors D. His son Michael E. The Washingon Cat Show, where he took best in breed.

2004 News Quiz X by CHUBBY 12-22-04

Yassir Arafat died in 2004. What will Palestinians miss most? A. His visionary leadership B. His forceful advocacy C. His dynamic personality D. Their three billion dollars. Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" was a surprise hit because conventional wisdom held that audiences would not see A. A faith-based film B. Anti-Semitic propaganda C. A snuff movie. Mel's dad, Hutton Gibson, became controversial when he declared A. Jews killed Christ B. There was no Holocaust C. The Pope is fallible D. He actually enjoyed the show "Complete Savages".

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

2004 News Quiz XI by CHUBBY 12-22-04

"Spuk um Mitternacht", found in Moscow, is the only extant film in German made by "Dick und Doof" ("Fatty and Stupid"), better known as A. Laurel & Hardy B. Abbott & Costello C. The Taxi Boys D.-- Ixnay! Don't even go there. Documents on Dubya's service record were forged, which proved A. He served honorably B. He never threw away medals C. He once took out a VC machine gun nest armed only with a hairbrush. Dubya will go down in history as the only president to lose A. The New Hampshire primary B. The popular vote C. The electoral college D. BOTH elections.

2004 News Quiz XII by CHUBBY 12-30-04

There was an event in 2004 that had not occurred in 86 years. This was: A. Halley's Comet B. The Boston Red Sox won the World Series C. Ronald Reagan did something decent. In the blue state of "Taxachussets", police brutally quelled a riot prompted by A. The questionable election results B. The illegal, immoral war in Iraq C. The Red Sox Pennant Victory. Ronald Reagan will be remembered for bringing this country: A. Peace B. Prosperity C. Hope D. Crack.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx