It's a Dubya Life by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Dubya, we're losing the war in Iraq! Dubya, the economy is circling the drain! Dubya, your nominations are in trouble! Dubya, a tsunami has killed thousands! Dubya, protestors are coming to your inauguration! I wish I'd never been born.....

It's a Dubya Life 2 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Clarence? Yes? I need you to go to Earth. Dubya is thinking of taking his own life. But why me? Quite frankly, I've got this tsunami shit going on and I couldn't spare any of my important people if I wanted to.

It's a Dubya Life 3 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Stop! Who the hell are you? I'm Clarence. Are you one a them gays, Clarence?

It's a Dubya Life 4 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

No, I'm not gay! What do you call it, then? I'm your guardian angel. Ain't that a close relative of the fairy?

It's a Dubya Life 5 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Why do you hate gays? Because I want to be one.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

It's a Dubya Life 6 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

I'm here to show you what life would have been like if you'd never been born. What's that weird music? Is this an acid flashback? We're going back in time. I'll fast-forward past the draft-dodging, drunk-driving playboy days and the incompetent businessman days. It wouldn't have mattered to anyone then if you hadn't been born. What about them two people in Texas I murdered? Well, besides them.

It's a Dubya Life 7 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Speaking of Texas, here we are! This can't be Texas. Texas is like, all depressed and shit. That was under your stewardship. Since you never lived, Texas prospered under Governor Anne Richards' second term. Yeah? Who's governor now? Kinky Friedman. Even he's doing better than you.

It's a Dubya Life 8 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Next stop: Florida. Well, everything here seems fine. At least Brother-man is doing a good job as Governor. You mean Governor Reno. Jeb went into the Army in 1969 and was killed in Vietnam. How did he die? In action? You might say that. He was a PR man in Saigon and he picked up a nail from some hooker. At least he had his boots on.

It's a Dubya Life 9 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Oh, man, don't even tell me Gore's president. No, with you out of the picture, Gore actually lost by a hair to the Republican, John McCain. McCain? Sure. Without you telling S. C. voters he had a "nigger baby", he won that primary, the nomination, and the election. The country united behind him and continued America's greatest era of prosperity. What about 9/11? Huh? What's that?

It's a Dubya Life 10 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

What's 9/11!!?? Why, it's when them Iraqis invaded us! On September 11, 2001, the military was on full alert, after earlier warnings from intelligence. President McCain ordered a jetliner shot down, calling it "the hardest decision I've ever made." But further loss of life was averted. Three teams of hijackers were foiled by airport security. McCain ordered surgical strikes on known terrorist bases and took out bin-Laden and most of al-Qaeda. Whoop de damn do. I bet he didn't invade Iraq. He sure didn't.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

It's a Dubya Life 11 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Here we are. This is Iraq, eh? Yes. People living in grinding poverty with no freedom under the thumb of a fabulously wealthy dictator who will pass on the power to his first-born. I guess our two countries have more in common than I realized.

It's a Dubya Life 12 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Well, at least I did some good. How's that? I got rid of Saddam. He'll never hurt the Iraqi people again. The Angel Code prohibits me from telling him about the dirty nukes newly-minted Iraqi terrorists are going to set off in the U.S. in 2007. Or us, for that matter.

It's a Dubya Life 13 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

What's this? Well, this is kinda weird. It's too difficult to explain why, but since you were never born, David Letterman got the "Tonight Show" gig.

It's a Dubya Life 14 by CHUBBY 1-04-05

Well, thanks, Clarence. Now I see that my life has a purpose. So, you're not going to kill yourself? Nope. OK, then.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx