X-treme by CHUBBY 1-15-05

I can't believe we're here after being waitlisted for six months! I can't believe you'd stay on a wait list for six months. This is X-treme! The hip, hot new place everyone want to go! I hate all this X-treme this, X-treme that. Why X-treme? I don't know. X-tremely long waits? X-tremely rude hostess? X-tremely slow service? X-tremely high prices?

X-treme 2 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Welcome to X-treme. I'm Garson, I'll be your waiter. Let me tell you our specials. Our catch of the day is Fugu. What's that? It's a Japanese blowfish, which, if not prepared properly, will kill you. Interesting. If that's what you want, I'd advise you to order it right away before Chef gets too drunk.

X-treme 3 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Our house specialty is the 1-lb Kobe Beefburger. Kobe beef is nominee appelitif of Japan. The cattle are fattened with beer and massaged daily. This makes their flesh incredibly tender. Wow. The beef is flown here fresh from Japan. We grind the meat ourself from only the prime rib of beef, age it, season it with our special spice blend, and grill it on an open flame over sassafrass chips. Well, I think I'm going to have-- All our beef is inspected for mad cow disease, to make sure it is infected.

X-treme 4 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Do you need a few minutes? Yes, I think so. Would you like something for starters? Appetizer? Perhaps soup? I'll have the vichysoisse. Cup, bowl, or directly injected to the forehead?

X-treme 5 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Something to drink while you're deciding, sir? Sure. What do you have? I'll be right back with the absinthe list.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

X-treme 6 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Have you decided? Yes, I'm going to have the mako shark steak. Very good, sir. You know you get to pick your own shark from our tank? Cool. Come this way and we'll set you up with scuba equipment and a speargun.

X-treme 7 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Can I just get some linguini with pesto sauce? Tsk, tsk, tsk, Madame..... that's all carbs! You don't want to get fat, do you?

X-treme 8 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

OK, how's the Fettucini Alfredo? Wonderful, sir. Excellent choice. OK, then, I'll-- HEART ATTACK ON A PLATE!

X-treme 9 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Well, can I just get a ham sandwich? Yes, sir. And hold the mayo. The mayo is already on it, sir. It's been sitting on the porch since noon today.

X-treme X by CHUBBY 1-15-05

I think I get it now. What, sir? Everything on the menu can kill you, right? Yes sir. This is X-treme. That's why we advise eating dessert first.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

X-treme 11 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Who ordered the "Death by Chocolate"? Me. There you are, sir. Enjoy. AAAAHHHHH!!!! I just remembered-- my wife put me on a strict, low-fat reducing diet. I'm not allowed to have dessert.

X-treme 12 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Boy, I really had to pee. Are you ready to go? But I'm hungry. I'll call Domino's on my cell phone. I'm hungry, too, you know. I'm so hungry I ate one of those mints by the register. You shouldn't eat those, honey. I read somewhere that they're contaminated because people touch them after they go to the bathroom and don't wash their hands.

X-treme 13 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Honey, are you all right? No. I'm dying. Oh. Do you have any last requests? Yes. I'd like to be reincarnated as one of those Kobe Beef Cattle.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx