1. Sealab 2021 by CHUBBY 2-05-05

An ex-president explores inner space. With that story, here's Bill Exposition. Thanks, Bob. Dubya's ex-oficio period has been modeled after his father's-- filled with adventure. Whereas George Bush the elder skydove with the Rangers-- that is, until his unfortunate midair collision with a condor over the Grand Canyon in 2011, the son also rises-- joining the planned manned space mission to the sun in 2010..... and ending up capturing Al-Qaeda's top leaders, with some help from his monkey friend. Now he and the monkey have joined the U. S. Aquanaut Corps. Dubya, tell us about your mission. Well, Bill, it's top secret. Are you sure nobody will hear this? Absolutely. It's for CBS.

2. The Undersea World of George W. by CHUBBY 2-05-05

What we plan to do is place Sealab 2021 directly over a big faultline here off the Pacific coast. We hope to find a way to detect earthquakes before they happen and maybe prevent them. We don't want one a them big waves like what they had in the Indian Ocean back when I was in office. Tsunami? Gesundheit.

3. Hellzapoppin' by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Why is this mission top secret? Well, if this information fell into the wrong hands, you can imagine what could happen. That's why it's just me, "..... my little buddy; Commander "Rip" Ripken, USN....." "..... and my two deckhands, Ole Oleson and Chic Johnson." Sinski jinski barney barney. Please, no cameras.

4. On porpoise by CHUBBY 2-05-05

So, just the four of you then? Well, we got one a them fishes, too, to go back and forth between Sealab and the mother ship. Fish? Yeah, you know. Oh, what are they called? I just had one for dinner last night, teriyaki-style. Oh, mahi-mahi! You mean dolphin? Same thing.

5. El Dorado by CHUBBY 2-05-05

You don't actually have a dolphin FISH, or mahi-mahi or dorado as they're sometimes called. What you have is one of the mammalian dolphins. Now you're tryin' to confuse me. Ain't they a football team? No no, mammals are a class, like fish are a class. Well, I flunked biology class. It's got fins, that's all I know. Mammals are warm-blooded, give live birth, and nurse their young. Like humans. Not Mommo.

---
"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

6. Day of the Dolphin by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Where did you get the dolphin from? He's actually a decorated Navy veteran, Bob. He fought in Iraq. And Commander Ripken is a Medal of Honor-winning Navy Seal who fought in Iraq, Iran, Syria, North Korea, France...... Hey, don't forget me, Bob. I'm a Vietnam-era vet. Weren't you in the Alabama Air National Guard? Yes, and did the Cong invade Tuscaloosa?

7. Shell-shocked by the seashore by CHUBBY 2-05-05

What's it like working with all these heroes? Well, the one kinda creeps me out. Really? In what way? Well, he's shell-shocked from his service in Iraq. Gee, that's a tough break for Commander Ripken. I mean the dolphin.

8. Touch my monkey by CHUBBY 2-05-05

And what about the monkey? Aw, he's my li'l bud. Some officials have complained about having a being of subhuman intelligence on a mission of a sensitive nature such as this one. OH YEAH? Gimme their names. Nobody disses my monkey. No, actually they were talking about you.

9. Sea Monkey by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Here he is now! Hey, li'l guy! Hey, Dubya. Am I on camera? Hi, Mom. Glad to have you here. It's great to be here. It's great to be anywhere after failed marriages to Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton, Nicole Richie, Britney Spears, President Clinton..... You were married to Hillary Clinton? No, Chelsea.

10. Monkey sea by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Wow, I had no idea. You've been through some tough times. Well, after I lost out on that talk show and AMERICAN IDOL, I started drinking pretty heavily. Then I found Jesus, but I misplaced him again. Finally it was my turn to get a reality show. You remember they were handing them out like candy in the late 00s (are they ever gonna name that decade, by the way?) and I rode that back to fame and fortune. So you finally got your life back together, huh? Not really, but this is the only place I can avoid process servers.

---
"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

11. Monkey doodle by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Oh, can I get in a plug here? "Your viewers can see me on "E: True Hollywood Story". But not this month. They're gonna run it during sweeps." That's hot. So, you all ready for our voyage? What are you talking about? We left port several hours ago.

12. Monkey bidness by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Dubya? Commander Rip Ripken. We'll drop anchor here. Prepare to lower Sealab 2021. I'm going to go suit up. Eye eye, sir. Hehe, I love all that nautical shit. Hey, Dubya, my monkey sense is tingling. Are you sure Olsen and Johnson are on the level? Yep. I vetted 'em myself. Yeah, that's exactly what I was afraid of.

13. Trading spaces with the enemy by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Look, I know these guys. They're experienced deckhands. They worked on oil tankers for the Carlyle group. Oh, the company your Dad founded...... That's right. .....with the bin-Ladens. Yeah, yeah, and Pop-pop Bush traded with Hitler, is there a point to this?

14. Notorious by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Did you do any background checks on these guys? Of course. What kinda idiot do you think I am? [INSERT JOKE HERE] What'd you find out? Well, they never rented any porno from Blockbuster. Probably busy watching Ingmar Bergman movies. Man, she was a hot piece of ass, wasn't she?

15. Swedish meatballs by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Look, here's their passports. You can read 'em yourself. Yeah, I could if I could read Arabic. Not that part. The other part. Oh, where it's written in crayon? Yeah. Got them o's with the line through it and everything. Genuine Swedish.

---
"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

16. Finn by CHUBBY 2-05-05

I don't know how to break this to you, but I don't think these guys are really Swedish. You don't? No. Wait a minute. You don't mean...... I do. They're Finnish?

17. Fin by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Speaking of which, have you debriefed Fin yet? Who's that? The dolphin. Is he one a them talkin' dolphins like in the movin' pitchers? "Why does Fa speak to Pa?" "Fa loves Pa". Hehe. Whatever. Hey, he ain't one a them dolphins who was unwittingly trained to assassinate the President of the United States, is he?

18. Lost in translation by CHUBBY 2-05-05

OK, here comes Fin. You talk, I'll translate. Wow. You speak dolphin? No, Fin speaks the King's English. It's you I'll have to translate.

19. Comedy shop by CHUBBY 2-05-05

So, you're Fin, eh? You can call me Dolph. You can call me Fin. You-- Hey, knock off the Norm Crosby shit. Malaprops are my bag.

20. The Captain's bridge is usually in a glass of water by CHUBBY 2-05-05

You'll be bringing us supplies and you'll bring the samples we collect back to the ship. And you'll also deliver messages back and forth. OK, I can handle that. OK, I debriefed Fin. You'll have to keep watch. We have no radio contact, so Fin is the only way we have of getting a message to you in an emergency. Hey, don't worry about me. I know all about it. What? How to keep watch on the bridge. I took a class at the Merchant Marine Academy taught by Joseph Hazelwood.

---
"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

21. Schlemiel, schlimazl by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Why do you think those guys aren't Swedish? I just never saw Lutherans who prayed towards Mecca three times a day. Eddie Mekka?

22. The end? by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Well, I've got to suit up. You'll be late for your own funeral. I certainly hope so. Speaking of which, where are the Olsen twins? I dunno. They must be around here somewhere. After we lower Sealab 2021 to the bottom, our friends will take over. Then they set off the nuclear bomb and cause a tsunami and wipe out California! Meanwhile, we take care of Dubya! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

-Intermission- by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Let's go out to the lobby, let's go out to the lobby, let's go out to the lobby..... ......and grab ourselves a smoke. My work here is done.

23. Sealab 2021: Act the second by CHUBBY 2-05-05

The bomb-- I mean Sealab-- is in place, sir. Here we are at the bottom of the ocean. The loneliest place on earth. Then why is my monkey sense tingling? No one move! We have boxcutters! We are hijacking Sealab in the name of Allah! Here we go again.

24. Flashback by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Fin! There are Al-Qaeda stowaways on Sealab! Rip's holding them off as best he can, but you've got to go warn Dubya! Oleson and Johnson are going to try to kill him! Go! C'mon, Fin, stay with me! Having..... flashback...... 2004. Mine-hunting, Iraq. NOOOOOOOOO!

---
"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

25. Splish splash by CHUBBY 2-05-05

C'mon, Fin! I've got to get back to Sealab! Go warn Dubya! I'm all over it! Now we take care of Dubya. Psssssssssssst. Yes? AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! (*SPLASH!)

26. Rub a dub dub by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Hey, pal! Who the hell are you? Your worst fuckin' nightmare. AIEEEEEEEEEEEE! (*SPLASH) First bath he's had since the Clinton administration.

27. If he catches you, you're thru by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Dubya? Dubya! Where could he be? He's supposed to keep watch on the bridge. Hehe, that roadrunner gets the coyote every time!

28. But I've never been to me by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Hey, monkey! Where did you come from? Me? Uh, I've been to Paradise. It's right through that door. Really? Let me see. Hey, who put the "F" in Palestinians? Stupid monkey. There's no "F" in Palestinians! AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Yeah, that's what I thought.

29. The Oxygen Network by CHUBBY 2-05-05

I got those two guys on the boat-- but I can't find Dubya! Rip's sent about a dozen of them to Paradise, but I don't know how much longer he can hold out. OK, you're gonna have to chew off the oxygen hose to Sealab. But you'll die! Nah. We'll be OK. We've got our airsuits. I've gotta get back to Sealab now. Go! OK, monkey. Take off the airsuit. Uh oh.....

---
"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

30. The Sea Around Us by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Well, pal, I killed all your friends, but I guess I won't have to hurt myself killing you. Sealab will be full of water in a minute and you'll drown. It doesn't matter. We have a rocket on a timer. When it goes off, it will cause a tsunami and wipe out California! BWAHAHAHA Blub blub Gotta get help!

31. The Sea Around Us, Part 2 by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Well, there goes the airhose. And as the airhose goes, so goes your fiendish plan, Ahab. Not so, monkey. You see that rocket? We got it from your own NASA. It is set to go off on a timer. When it hits the fault line, it will cause a tsunami and destroy California! That rocket? HAHAHAHAHA! That rocket missed its target ten times out of ten when it was launched unmanned! Then you will fly it, monkey.

32. Blue by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Dubya! Wake up! Huh? We've got to call in an airstrike! Why? If we don't, Al-Qaeda will destroy California! Ain't that a blue state?

33. Apocalypse Now or Later by CHUBBY 2-05-05

Col. Kilgore? That was Commander Ripken of Sealab. He called in an airstrike. Why? He says Al-Qaeda has hijacked Sealab 2021 and is going to cause a 500-foot crest and destroy California. A 500-foot crest! There's not a 500-foot crest in this whole crummy country! But, sir, Al-Qaeda-- AL-QAEDA DON'T SURF!

34. Almost paradise by CHUBBY 2-05-05

If you think I'm flying that thing, you're crazy. I am crazy. And you are flying that thing. And I will put on your airsuit and escape. Well, OK, but just this once. Say hi to Darnell for me. Darnell? Who is this "Darnell"? SHUT UP BITCH, AND BEND OVER!