She Needs 10cc's, Splat! by smamurai 5-13-04

How is my wife Doc? Wait here, I'll check. Mmmm hmmn, now that's what I call 'deep' coma. Please stop. She's fucking awesome dude!

The Marquis de Rohan. by smamurai 2-01-05

Hail Eomer, my sister-son. Stop shouting Dad. Do you want the whole town to know about your unholy union? But I barely whisper son. Your powers of hearing are great indeed. Maybe It's because I have three ears you sick fuck!

That's a Sarin by smamurai 1-05-05

Have you had your face laminated? Cling-film and tin-foil are pretty much interchangeble, right? That was always my understanding. Yeah mine too. Till I ran out of foil and still had some heroin left to smoke.

Cage Advice by smamurai 12-16-04

Even a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. How can I step? I have no legs. Open your mind and my meaning will become clear. Just get to the point Dad. Your brothers and I are off to Ibiza for a week. You get to stay here and be at one with nature. You're putting me in the fucking dog shelter again, aren't you?

Love in the Time of Call-Centres. by smamurai 11-13-04

....and if you have any questions please call me back on Klondyke 555-555, thanks. She wanted me. What did she say? 'Hi, leave a message and I will call you back'. It was the WAY she said it though. Oh my God, she practically raped you!

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

You've Changed But I Haven't by smamurai 5-12-04

Sup? Look at the state of your boxers. You mean 'cos one of my balls is hanging out right? Yes and the other one looks like it's wearing a string vest. You wouldn't have worn those when we first started dating. But I did wear these when we first started dating? Yes and they looked good then, but that was 4 years ago.

House of the Raisin Bun. by smamurai 3-31-04

You wan flies wit dat? No I do not want flies with that. Okee! But I will however take some fries with that. Ha ha ha! Ok you wan fries you try other shop. You want flies you come back here ok? Umm I'm still on for the bugger though, right?

Baby Got Back To Tha Fissure. by smamurai 3-30-04

Doc you're Alive? Am I Marty? Am I? I have brought you a fossilised human fetus from the year 3020. Great Scott! Do you realise that could create a tear in the 'space-time continuum'? That's code for it might hurt my colon right? Shake your ass over here and let's find out.

Beaver, Beaver & Twat (2) by smamurai 1-26-04

Hey dude, remember that time you designed the old Indian burial ground? Oh yeah, quite um lucrative contract. I just looked over the file. Did you realise you built it on the site of an old Indian burial ground? Yup. Wanna get some um lunch? For real.

God's Going Ex-Directory by smamurai 11-19-03

God, are you there? Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day. But I have a very important question I need to ask of you. Alright, what is it? I prayed to you when I was 4 but I forgot to say "amen", do you care? Jesus that was you? It's like not hangin up a phone or sumthin. For 5 years people have been trying to pray to me, but all I get is the sound of you breathing or talkin shit with your friends.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Smam, you am funny.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx