Sorry, I've been on vacation since Wednesday, and I'll disappear again next week. It's a tough job, but every now and then you've got to go spanning the globe in search of material. Like, uh, this one we dug up in South Carolina.

Luckily, she doesn't hit in real life by kaufman 5-22-05

So, how was the trip to Charleston? And what happened to your face? Oh, that? My wife smacked me. You see, we'd been driving for 9 hours, we were almost there, and she wanted to stop somewhere and use the bathroom. That hardly seems grounds for assault ... Yeah, well, it was pretty empty country; we didn't see any place good to stop, but then we drove past this building marked "U.S. Vegetable Research Laboratory." Don't say it ... Don't say it! So I said to her, "Look, we can stop here and you can take a leek ..."

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

AHHHH!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

By god, he's done it again. Bravo

Around the second panel of every Kaufman comic, it turns into a horror movie where you start yelling at the panel "No, don't set him up! You're walking right into a trap! He's under the bed!" but then they do it anyway.

Bravo Kaufman.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

:|

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

The sad truth is that life itself is like that. When you've got the juice, the world just provides you with setups, and its inhabitants are unwitting pawns (but they are not the lowest form of humorist). I mean, really, who was the slartibartfast who stuck a veggie research joint in the middle of Bumphuck, SC, some three hours past our peepee by the Pee Dee? This was no boating accident!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.