Ha. Just kidding. The topic of this contest is:

MIDGETS

Go.

(I trust I've been around long enough for you all to know that I don't like stripcreator in-jokes or other references to the site or its participants in comics.)

Judging May 31st. I'll let you know the year when it happens.

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"Old" is the old new.

I thought contests about midgets WAS an in-joke.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Jesus Loves Me This I Know... by NastyPope 5-23-05

*Knock Knock Knock* Yeah, Who is it? Hello sir, I'm from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I was hoping I might share some scripture with you. Allright, go ahead. uhhhh, ummmm, I'm very sorry to have disturbed you sir. I didn't realize you are a midget. The proper term is 'little person' and why should that make any difference? Well, you see, it says right here in the book of mormon, that 'little people' can't be saved because they are really_the_devil's_imps. The stubby fingers and strange voice give it away.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

CC 283 - Midget Sex! by fizzyxl 5-23-05

Maura Always was a bit of a Sexaholic. I wonder what having sex with a midget is like? Lie down babe, Ill show you Mabey this was too far. OMG OMG OMG THATS IT!!!! That, WAS AMAZING!!! You wait till you try my other leg!

CC 283 - Midget Blackmail by fizzyxl 5-23-05

A midget walks into a public restroom, and walks up to the urinals next to a guy. He pulls up some midget stepladders and unrinates. He then turns to the man next to him. WOW those are the nicest testicles I have ever seen! Er, thank-you?! Erm you have.. a nice pair of steps... Can I touch them? I mean they are SO nice! I guess there would be no Harm in that The midget Grabs hold! GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY OR I JUMP! Aw crap.

CC 283: Revenge of the Midgets by DragonXero 5-24-05

What the hell do you mean I'm not going to be in Episode III? I'm sorry Kenny, but we're doing R2-D2 in CGI this time around. What? That's bullshit! You can't replace me with a damn computer! Hrm... Something ironic about that. But nonetheless, you are not playing R2 this time. This is crap. I'm calling up the union. You rebel scum.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

CC 283: Multiple-Choice Deli by kaufman 5-24-05

Welcome to Multiple-Choice Deli, what would you like today? I'd like a "B" on pumpernickel please. Welcome to Multiple-Choice Deli, what would you like today? "C," please, Hold the mayo, and extra lettuce. Welcome to Multiple-Choice Deli, what would you like today? "D," plain! "D," plain!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 283: Munchkinoe by kaufman 5-24-05

Look at that! That house fell out of the sky! Aren't those feet sticking out from it? Hey, yeah. It must have landed on the Wicked Witch. We're free! Tell you what. Let's grab her shoes. Her shoes? What for? Haven't you always wanted to try kayaking? Now's our chance!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC283 - Hardcore Midget Threesome Action 2005 by kramer_vs_kramer 5-24-05

Could you stop staring? You're really putting us off. Sorry.

Dr. Shrinker by NastyPope 5-24-05

Now then, how can I finally trap those miniature teenaged delinquents once and for all? Ew cun gwib dem awksez What was that? Speak up Hugo, don't talk with your mouth full. *pop* I said you can give them access to the old communications shed and let them think they are calling for help, but in reality it will alert us! Yes, yes, that should work well, My devious dwarf, now finish polishing my shrink ray. Ahhhhh.... Yewf matha.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

CC 283: A Christmas Carol by biped 5-24-05

Ed, we want you to play Tiny Tim in the Christmas play this year. Again? But I've played Tiny Tim every year for the last fifty fucking years! Well, you know all the lines. Plus, you're a midget, so the costume still fits. Son of a... God bless us, every one. And may you all be dipped in dog shit and hung up by your peckers.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 283: Dr. Seuss Meets Randy Newman by kaufman 5-24-05

Gidget the Midget fidgets. Lee the Wee wants to pee Uh, can somebody in here give me a lift? Xnk'thalenj the Vertically Challenged salenged. Did I tell you I finished "Catcher in the Rye"?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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SWITCH!
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The topic of this comic competition is now

VERY EXPENSIVE CARS

No more old topic comics will be accepted from this point forward unless it also involves the new topic. Extra points if you include all previous topics in your comic.*

Judging will still be May 31st of some unspecified year.

And I still don't like in-jokes. Or Internet acronyms in dialog.

* Unfortunately, points don't do you any good; judging is based on the funniest comic.

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"Old" is the old new.

CC 283: Smarty Pants by biped 5-25-05

So, when the fuck are they going to start making some big, expensive sports cars for midgets? I can't drive any of this shit. Sure you can, Sparky. Just slap a couple of phone books on the front seat and you'll be all set. Ph...phone books? Why, you dirty... Oh cool off, Scooter. For an extra grand, I'll have the boys in the shop whip up a nice, sporty high chair for you. So, how'd you happen to get this whitewall tire shoved up your ass, Bill? Can't talk...hubcap still spinning...

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Wow. that didn't go over too well. I guess it's time for another...

[center][b][color=red][size=3]=======
SWITCH!
=======[/size][/color][/b][/center]

The topic of this comic competition is now

YARMULKES

No more old topic comics will be accepted from this point forward unless it also involves the new topic. Extra points if you include all previous topics in your comic.*

Judging will still be May 31st of some unspecified year.

And I still don't like in-jokes. Or Internet acronyms in dialog.

* Unfortunately, points don't do you any good; judging is based on the funniest comic.

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"Old" is the old new.

Curses. I just had the best idea ever for a midget comic.

CC 283: Little Big Mouth by biped 5-27-05

Didn't figure a midget would be driving that expensive sports car when I pulled you over. Thought you "little people" only drove tiny little compact cars. Fuck you, asshole. That "fuck you, asshole" is going to cost you another fifty bucks, Peewee. Oh, yeah? Bet you wouldn't be fucking me around like this if I were wearing a yarmulke -- "Officer Shapiro." For your information, I gave my own rabbi a speeding ticket two days ago -- and he happens to be a midget. Well, I wouldn't know about that. Two days ago, I was busy buttfucking your mom while your dad played the banjo.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Three Whores, a Midget, and a Funeral by NastyPope 5-28-05

This is so sad, she had a really hard life. How'd she die anyways? She was hooking on 4th street when this midget in a ferrari drives up and wants to pay her $1000 to party. Only problem is, she was on her way home and was out of condoms. It was a dilemma, ya know? Oh, I know allright. Did she do em anyways? She did, see, he looks pretty clean but she is worried about pregnency. So she uses his yarmulke like a diaphram and they get it on. Three days later she died of Toxic Shock Syndrome. Oy Vey, where did she get a stuipd idea like that? Off the top of his head, apparently.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

Dammit... Guess I should really read these things before I make comics. Oh well, I'll post it in here anyway.

Midget Pun by BigFrank105 5-28-05

That'll be $10.71, sir. Damn... Well, here's all I got. Sorry sir, you appear to be a little short. Look, don't ask why I killed him. The fucker asked for it. I hate working with midgets.

Yahmahkuh

Alan, that has got to be the ugliest Yarmulke I have ever seen. Look, Spencer's Gifts doesn't have a good selection, okay?

by BigFrank105, 5-28-05

CC 283: Kosher Komix by biped 5-28-05

NO, Jewish Man! Don't hurl the YARMULKE OF DOOM at me! Well, you ASKED for it, Anti-Semitic Man! UP, UP, AND OY VAY! These comics are SHIT, you fucking JEW ASSHOLE! FUCK YOU, you fucking ANTI-SEMITIC BASTARD! I think the comics are very nice, Shlomo. THANKS, Mom!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 283: Mr. Matzoh Balls by biped 5-30-05

Oh, man... look what she's doing with those yarmulkes... oh, drooool... HERSCHEL COWZNOFSKI! ARE YOU IN THERE READING "JEWBOY" AGAIN? THAT SHMOOTZ WITH ALL THE ZADNITZES AND THE SHMECKELS? NO, MOM! JEEZ, I'M READING A HEBREW YOUTH MAGAZINE! LEAVE ME ALONE! *fwap* YOU'D BETTER NOT BE READING THAT FARSHTUNKEN FORTZN ZOFFER, YOU SHMENDRICK! I'LL GIVE YOU SUCH GEBRENTEH TSOORES, YOU'LL THINK YOU'RE FARBLONGJID! What the fuck is she talking about? I-- I-- I -- UNNNGGGHHH!!!!! *PLOTZ* I HEARD THAT!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

cc283 by dcomposed 5-31-05

The other day this non-jewish kid came up to me and asked me "What is that funny hat you are wearing?". Kids say the darndest things. Indeed. So, I explained to him that I was playing Abe Lincoln in a play and it was his trademark stovepipe hat.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

The end.

I'd ramble on about how I liked each comic, but It's 10:30 and I haven't had dinner yet so I've got other things to do. I'll post more tomorrow if I get around to it, but I figured y'all might want a winner in the meantime.

I'm going to have to give it to biped for his numerous enthusiastic entries, most of which were very funny. Yep. biped's funny outweighed everyone else's. Yay!

Take it away, biped!

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"Old" is the old new.

Thank you. I'm glad to see that my decision to take my comics in a more sophisticated direction has paid off.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Sorry I was out of town and out of touch for a week. Otherwise, biped would have had the immense privilege of also having defeated this:

Episode 3: Revenge of the Smith

What can I show you today? I want to buy the most expensive car on this lot. At last the Joneses will have to keep up with ME!

by kaufman, 6-01-05

Of course, I have a bunch of yarmulke jokes as well, and I think you'd find a few of them were reel keepahs.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com