These don't make much sense, but I'm posting them anyway.

Elf-Evident by biped 6-30-05

You look lost. Santa forgot to leave this gift for little Becky Schmelmanfoofer. I'm trying to find her. Becky Schmelmanfoofer? She's buried in my crawlspace under a layer of quicklime. I...oh. Did you murder her? Of course I murdered her, dipshit. Why else would I bury her in my fucking crawlspace? Oh, well...heh, heh...I collect pine cones and make little pine cone people out of them.

Elf-Absorbed by biped 6-30-05

Can I help you, dickface? Yes, I'd like...er... "dickface"? DON'T PUSH ME, shitbreath! Unless you want your HEAD SHOVED STRAIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS! Oh, MY! Well, I... I'd rather just order a Grape Ade... "Grape Ade"? HA HA HAAA!!! Why -- you must be a PROFESSIONAL DUMBASS!!! Oh, no -- I'm one of Santa's elves!

Elf-Motivated by biped 6-30-05

Thank you for the lovely dinner, madame. Santa will bestow you with many lovely gifts next Christmas. Uh-huh...and thank YOU for helping me dispose of Herb's corpse. I...huh? How did I do that? You think I could afford all those steaks? You just gorged yourself on HUMAN FLESH, elf. You're a cannibal. Oh, boo-hoo! Santa will be mad at me! Feh! What do you think I left out for his fat ass last Christmas Eve?

Elf-Propelled by biped 6-30-05

So...do you have a REGULAR penis, or some kind of ELF penis? Why...I don't know! I've never seen anyone else's penis before! Here's mine! Howdaya like it, Bub? My, it's BIG! Mine's so tiny and cute! HA HA! Well, I guess you don't need a big dick to fuck a girl elf! Oh, there ARE no "GIRL" elves! We fuck REINDEER!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Elf-Aware by biped 6-30-05

Nope, ain't never heard of a Billy Puppidorkamus! Reckon yer in the wrong county there, little feller! Oh, that's too bad! He wanted this "Seventies Fuck-Film Playset" so very badly! "Seventies Fuck-Film Playset"? Why, if'n I play muh cards right, that could be MINE! ALL MINE! Did you just think of something, Mr. Farmer, sir? Yep! I just remembered -- I'M Billy Puppidorkamus! Now hand over that package, PRONTO! Oh, you'll like it, Billy! They do such funny things with their sticky parts!

Elf-Contained by biped 6-30-05

...and, you say that if I step into that machine, it will magically transport me back to the North Pole? Faster than you can say "sugar plums", Sparky! Now scoot on in and I'll pull the old lever! But...I'm still here! Well yes...you're still here. But NOW...you're a COYOTE! Heh, heh!

Elf-Explanatory by biped 6-30-05

Well, Santa...I'm back! GOOD! I need the CRUST scraped outta my ASSHOLE again! Now HOP TO IT! WELL? ...so I shoved a stick of dynamite up his butt. WOW! What a COOL way to KILL SANTA CLAUS!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

"Absorbed" and "Motivated" were the yummiest.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

I liked 'Propelled', myself.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.