Just Hangin' Around by fuzzyman 10-01-01

Twenty-four bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-four bottles of beer... If one of these bottles should happen to fall there'll be--- Hey, Jesus, whatcha doin'? What? Shit, now I lost count. Damn you! Damn you to Hell! *sigh* Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer... Christ, Jesus can sure be touchy.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Just Don't Call Me Late For Dinner by fuzzyman 10-02-01

After the bomb drops, Beth and Jeb are the last people on Earth... It looks like you the last people on Earth! Yep! Amazing, huh? Yeah. Well, the first order of business is survival. Agreed! Food and shelter are of the utmost priority. And your cat's name is... Just call her "Yummy."

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

My Needs Are Simple by fuzzyman 10-03-01

I'm feeling lonely, Roger. We need to get you a girlfriend, Neal. Well, that's just the problem. I realize that I don't want love. I just want sex. Hot, sweaty sex with lots of women who's names I won't remember the next morning. And your point is...? Between my legs. Exactly.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

O Celestia, Where Art Thou? by fuzzyman 10-09-01

Sir, we're ready to commence the abduction and examination of the next set of humans. Oh, what's the use? Sir...? What's the point? Abduct them, examine them, wipe their memories. Where's the challenge in that? Where's the sport? I... I... think I want more out of life. But sir, I just got a new anal probe! *sigh* Very well, then. But I get first dibs on Anne Heche.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Mr. Happy Meets Mr. Winky by fuzzyman 10-13-01

Hey, Mr. Happy! How's it hanging? Balls to the walls Mr. Winky, balls to the walls. You don't say? Yeah, things are pretty hairy down my way. Meet me for pocket pool later? I thought you'd never ask.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Mr. Happy Meets Mr. Winky -- Volume II by fuzzyman 10-13-01

Hey, Mr. Happy, you old palm pirate! How have you been? Not bad, Mr. Winky, you old monkey spanker! Been polishing your helmet lately? Paddling the pickle? Tweaking the Ewok? Clasping the asp? Jerking the Smurf? Choking the chihuahua? Definitely! Have you been strangling the mime? Tweaking the leek? Fingering the flesh fretboard? Clubbing the seal? Faking karate with Little Elvis? Damn! I am fresh out of euphemisms. Se you later, then! I have to go thump the pumpkin.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Strangle the daschund!
Rearrange some skin!
Teach the kids how to fly! (I love that one.)
Milk the one-teated cow!
Massage the meat!

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Hell, if it's euphenisms you want.

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part III) by israphael 9-29-01

Maura, I think you're just being paranoid. Do you, Eugene? Do you really? I think I'm just being realistic. I can already hear the types of things people would say. Eugene and Maura bumping uglies... slipping her the sausage... taking the skinboat to Tunatown... laying some cable... putting Tabasco in the taco... keeping the monkey warm... swinging the big bat... making the beast with two backs... taking the log to the beaver... sending old Willie home... playing hide the canolli... putting the tool in the shed... doing the old in and out... drilling for oil.. Have you ever noticed Indy Pete's annoying habit of showing up at awkward moments? entering the holy of holies... dancing the horizontal Mambo... feeding the bearded clam... taking the starship to warp drive... playing pop goes the weasel... Maura's riding the baloney pony.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

The First Stripcreator Random Drug Test by fuzzyman 10-15-01

The urine taste... uh... I mean, "test"... isn't so bad after the first couple of pints.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

quote:

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Strangle the daschund!
Rearrange some skin!
Teach the kids how to fly! (I love that one.)
Milk the one-teated cow!
Massage the meat!

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quote:

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Freeing Willie
Hit the Ham
One Handed Clapping
Pat the Robertson
Play the Stand-Up Organ
Polish the Rocket
Shaking Hands With Shorty
Beating the Snake

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Sometimes , i wish this had just ended with 'Tossing Off'

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Fart-Ra, Princess of Power by fuzzyman 10-16-01

La Dee Da... RAARRRRR!!!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW! BY THE POWER OF FARTSKULL!!! AIIEEEEE!!! TOBOR MELTING!!!! I hope you've learned your lesson, evil-doer. TOBOR DIE NOW...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Now it all makes sense! by fuzzyman 10-18-01

You know, when you used that anti-gravity generator to walk across the water, that was great! Uh... thanks, but... And when you used the portable replicator to produce those loaves and fishes... that was brilliant! Yes, I know, but... Congratulations, Commander Riker! You've restored the timeline! Dammit, Geordi, get me down from here!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

It's Only A Matter Of Time by fuzzyman 10-28-01

"Dear Microsoft Customer: Your Windows XP rental fee is two months overdue. Your computer will now self-destruct." Begin destruct sequence. Windows XP commencing countdown: 5...4...3... Nooooo! ...2... STOP General Protection Fault at location 000e:FFFF. Countdown aborted. Welcome to Windows XP. There are times when really appreciate buggy code. Please enter license key, MS Passport ID, and deed for your immortal soul.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Introducing... Jaques Valdez! by fuzzyman 11-13-01

Hello! Allow me to introduce myself! Please do! I am Jaques Valdez, the evil half-brother of Juan Valdez. Your half-brother Juan brings us rich Colombian coffee! What do you do that makes you so evil, Jaques? Starbucks. (((shudder)))

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Time to revive my old thread...

The Story Of My Life by fuzzyman 3-26-02

January... Don't worry about your position here. I can absorb a loss while we rebuild the business. Don't worry. I have money. Just the same, maybe I should update my resume. February... Sales have not been good, but I am totally committed to the future of this office! Your jobs are secure! Why am I worried? March.... We're going to have to align our overhead costs with our revenue... Job Search Powers.... Activate!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Calling Doctor Kaufman by fuzzyman 4-11-02

AAIAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!! HELP! AN EEL JUST BIT ME IN THE EYE!!! I NEED A DOCTOR!!! Calm down. I'm a Doctor. Let me have a look at you. *sob* I'm going to die, aren't I? *sob* Did you see it? Did you see it bite my eye? What kind of eel was that!? When an eel bites your eye and you think you might die, that's a Moray. Umm... what kind of doctor were you, again?

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Jolly good show!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Brilliant stuff, fuzz...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

We used to sing, "when the moon hits your eye like a gallon of lye..."

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What others say about boorite!

Deja Vu by fuzzyman 4-17-02

TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW! Actually, the correct phrase would be, "Tobor will penetrate you anally in a forceful manner." What the fuck are they talking about? I don't know, but I *do* know that I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!!! Sucky sucky, five dollar. Give it a rest.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I Was Superman's Tech Support Guy by fuzzyman 4-18-02

At the Fortress of Solitude... So, Superman... you're having problems with your computer? Yes, I am. I hope you don't mind me staying in my Clark Kent persona. Whatever works for you. So... what's the problem? I'm trying to load Windows XP on my computer and it won't go! Let me see... uh, Superman? When did you buy this? You can't run Windows 2000 on an old 1989 Macintosh SE. I'm Superman. I can do anything.

Vatican Secrets by fuzzyman 4-19-02

Hmmm. What do we have here? I'm the Pope's poop! Really? Yep! I'm known as the Trinitarian Turd! The Lenten Loaf! The Communion Crap! Holy shit! Yeah, that too.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Wrigley's Placentamint Gum by fuzzyman 4-27-02

Try new Wrigley's Placentamint Gum. It's Placenta! It's Mint! What's so great about Wrigley's Placentamint Gum? It combines the fresh taste of afterbirth with the sparking zing of mint! Here, try a piece! Okay... Ewww! This stick of gum is all gooey and bloody! Like I said, the placenta is fresh. Hmmm. Tastes like minty, bloody, chicken.

The Bachelor by fuzzyman 4-27-02

We just finished watching "The Bachelor," a TV series where a man picks his future bride from 18 prospective ladies. We suggest a sequel, which goes something like this... So, Bob, have you made a decision? Yes! I'd like to propose to Mary... and Janice... and Bethany... and Tammy... and Angelique. We call it, "The Mormon Bachelor." Sure to get high ratings in Utah!

The Bachelor II by fuzzyman 4-27-02

We just finished watching "The Bachelor," a TV series where a man picks his future bride from 18 prospective ladies. We suggest a sequel, which goes something like this... So, George, have you made a decision? Yes! I'd like to propose to Cindy. We call it, "The Transvestite Bachelor." "Must See TV," indeed!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Fuzzy, thou art verily a god...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.