Yes, it's my massive continuing series about secret agent Fuzzy Man. I've revised all of these for more funny. I hope you enjoy them.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 1 by Smarmulus 8-17-02

Hi. I'm new here. What's your name handsome? Man, Fuzzy Man. I'm Connie Lindquist. Can you show me how my computer thingy works? Certainly. Would you like that shaken or stirred? Why don't you give me a private tour of the nearest server closet? I know once we get started X will contact me with a new assignment, but as usual I will ignore the coitus interruptus.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 2 by Smarmulus 8-17-02

Meanwhile in X's secret office... Five Dollar, where the devil is Man? & in X's secret waiting room... I buzz his secret agent watch sir, but he not answer. It appears Fuzzy Man is not finished with his unscheduled work break... I shouldn't ignore this call since it is probably X attempting to contact me about my next assignment. Then again, I shouldn't be smoking in this tiny equipment room either.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 3 by Smarmulus 8-18-02

a meeting in X's secret office Man, it's time for debriefing on your last assignment. Certainly X. I did not enjoy working with that little Smart guy. He had an annoying voice and his shoe kept ringing. But I did enjoy the opportunity to 69 with Agent 99.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 4 by Smarmulus 8-19-02

Man, these are the details of your next assignment... I shan't bother listening to this pointless exposition. It's antithetical to the thematic core of this visual-prose piece, and horribly premodern. *blah - blah - blah - blah* The literal nonacademic reader might misinterpret the non-joke portions of the text to be digressive whereas the jokes are mere artifice to expound upon a deeper... And I will need you to penetrate the enemy agent - Wait a second, could you please repeat that last part?

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 5 by Smarmulus 8-19-02

A few moments later in X's secret waiting room... Five Dollar, how are you today? Fuzzy, you owe Five Dollar much money. I promise I will cover my entire account as soon as I recieve my next pay check. In the interim might I increase the amount of my debt to you?

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 6 by Smarmulus 8-19-02

Linear structure in written media is obsolete. It's use is the equivalent of a film made in a pre-D. W. Griffith style. Even more outmoded is strict linear structure - setup, increase of tension, climax, epilogue. How trite! *cum* slurp! Delightful! No more fucky sucky on credit for you.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 7 by Smarmulus 8-20-02

Fuzzy Man begins his latest mission Very interesting. It appears this plane is going to collide with the World Trade Center. Time to escape via an implausible mechanical device which could only function in a very contrived fiction.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 8 by Smarmulus 8-20-02

after another daring escape... Luckily the rotor turbines generated enough gravitons to save me. Thank goodness for the rescue gadgets Dr Kaufman invents for me. But why does he always grab my balls and ask me to turn my head when he says HIS last name?

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 9 by Smarmulus 8-20-02

meanwhile, another debriefing in X's secret office I get my nut with Nutella. Agent Boinky, I thought we had agreed you would not act like a retard anymore? Would you like some Nutella flavored bukkake? Five Dollar, this is X . Have Agent Brad assemble the firing squad. I have an URGENT job for them! Bannishment is insufficient.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

lot's o' paralel action in this series...

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 10 by Smarmulus 8-21-02

meanwhile back in Manhattan... Interesting how the towers are collapsing straight down. Basic physics indicates they should be falling at an angle. Look, there's TV anchor-whore Ashleigh Banfield running TOWARD the towers. Why is that makeup man putting fake ashes all over her clothes and face?

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 11 by Smarmulus 8-21-02

Drat, it's my nemesis Blowling. I've forgotten my computer password again. For the last time it's BUTTFUKMEPLZ. I thought you'd never ask! Thank god Dr. Kaufman has provided me with anal chastity Depends. grovel

By Popular Demand Fuzzy Man IHMSC # 11 Revised by Smarmulus 8-22-02

Fer the last time your passwerd is BUTTFUKMEPLZ. I thought you'd never ask. Your place or mine? I can go either way. Literally. Thanks Smarmulus. That's much better. Will you please move your goddamn arms now?

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Kaufman has been paying attention:

Intrusion 2: The Quickening by kaufman 9-05-02

I couldn't get a straight answer from Smarmalus, so I'm hoping you can help me. Sure, what's the problem? He has this series going about "Her Majesty's Secret Cervix" ... Doesn't that imply there's also a Her Majesty's Public Cervix? Maybe the "L" is silent.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 12 by Smarmulus 8-25-02

Meanwhile President Bush & several secret service agents are aboard Air Force One... That goat book was sure funny. I want my mommy. Mr President please tell us where you would like us to land this plane. I'm so scared I need to change my chaps. Reporters assemble at the White House... What do you mean there's nobody home? Someone should calm & reassure_the_American_people? Quick, show the film of the collapse for the 5,000th time.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 13 by Smarmulus 8-27-02

To add more parallel content a view from Mt. Olympus... Look at those puny humans running around like Jerry Lewis at the special olympics. Jesus, you are one sick fuck. You haven't made me laugh so hard since the Inquisition. Remember when we fucked with that idiot Job? That was almost as funny as when you made Hitler chancellor of Germany. OK, now this is getting dull. Anyway it's time for our poker game with Allah and Bacchus. I'll meet you there. I have to go whisper some things in Ariel Sharon's ear first.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 14 by Smarmulus 8-27-02

Even more parallel content as we look into the office of Rupert Murdoch. Next on Fox news we will show the collapse of the World Trade Centers 8,300 more times. This is fantastic. What great luck for me. I will make another fortune! MOH! Allah your base are belong to me.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 15 by Smarmulus 8-27-02

CNN is getting interviews at the scene of the destruction... I understand you escaped tower #2 moments before it collapsed. *cough* Yes. *gag* That's right. *gasp* What thoughts would you like to share with our viewers? Look at me. I'm on television. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! I pray one of my relatives is recording this.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 16 by Smarmulus 9-04-02

Man is recalled to X's secret office... Man, I need you to find out who was behind the attack on New York City. Right-O. The US has already created fake documents to implicate the Afghan government. Those crafty Americans are always ready with a scapegoat. Just like with that poor Lee Oswald schmuck. In this case Cheney just wants vengeance on the Taliban for their refusal to let Haliburton run an oil pipeline through their country. They must have some new men in the US secret ops. That's a new twist, having a reason for selecting a certain patsy.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 17 by Smarmulus 9-04-02

Her Majesty is counting on you Man. About my last assignment to penetrate an enemy agent, is it possible I could still work it in? Don't you always? Right! I'm off then. but danger awaits... Brother, we need to have a little chat about my friend Five Dollar.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 18 by Smarmulus 9-17-02

Fuzzy Man, it's been a year & you have traveled the world. Don't you have anything to report yet? X, I did penetrate the enemy agents. Prostitutes are not enemy agents. Anything else? I have discovered a secret plot by the Yanks to dominate the world's oil supply and use our beloved empire as a propaganda mouthpiece. I hope you read that in the newspaper next to the help wanted ads! It was on the page opposite the girl of the day photo.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 20 by Smarmulus 9-17-02

This sabre I'm rattlin' is an authentic Civil War antique. We will be avenged. Mr Bush your time is up. There shall be no vote on this resolution as it is obviously devoid of any rationality. No wait a minute feller. Just what country do you represent? I am UN Secretary General Koffi Annan! If'n you keep up that kinda talk we're gonna bomb your little UN country too!

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

more in what is clearly my most popular work...

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 21 by Smarmulus 9-17-02

Saddam Hussein invites Koffi Annan to Baghdad... As much as I hate to give into Yank scum I will grant unlimited access to UN weapons inspectors. Thank you. I will advise the UN immediately. I am a proud and arrogant man but I can not let this beautiful city be destroyed without reason. He's somewhat more rational than anyone ever suspected. Back at the U.N. Good news. Hussein has granted unlimited access to UN weapons inspectors. It is safe to cancel your war plans. I dun tole ya, if ya don't quit innerfearin' I'll bomb yer country too. You got any oil in that African country o' yerz?

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 22 by Smarmulus 9-17-02

Dick Cheney does tv interviews to gain support... Can you explain why the administration is still planning an illegal first strike against Iraq? The Iraqi offer to allow unrestricted weapons inspectors is a tactic to stall for time to build weapons of mass destruction. Wha ???????? How !!!!!!!!! The Enterprise has returned to the past to attempt to alter the time line... Highly illogical.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 23 by Smarmulus 9-17-02

Uncle Dick, I gotta thank you fer givin' me that book about Joe McCarthy. You're welcome George. I wish I know'd him. He must'a been the best durn politician this cuntry ever had. It's like I told you, if it worked once it will work again. I jus' wish my brother Jeb could come up and finish readin' it ta me.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Note: the jokes about the lack of black characters on SC was true at the time I originally wrote these three comics in 2002 so I'm keeping em. However, they have been revised, now with 90% more funny.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 24 by Smarmulus 9-17-02

US Secretary of State Colon Powell also hits the tv talk show circuit... The question of weapons inspectors is moot. The current Iraqi regime is dangerous to the entire Middle East. In that case, Mr. Lower Large Intestine, why do US allies such as Saudi Arabia disagree with this policy? Notice the clever avoidance of the question? If the UN is unwilling to agree to our position we have no choice but to launch a protective first strike. Gee, you certainly look a lot like Koffi Annan. note to self: must resist urge to make cheap & easy racial joke That's because StripCreator is racist. It's either Wigu_Neal or a pimp!

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 25 by Smarmulus 9-18-02

Iraq has fired upon US aircraft patrolling the no fly zone. Why are you named after the part of the intestine located just above the anus? It is our policy to only use military action in self defense. The current conflict was started by illegal Iraqi action. Now I know why you were named Colon. I think you would be better represented by the pimp character. Shit beotch, those motherfuckers tryin' to keep ExxonMobile and Haliburton away from that sweet, sweet oil.

Fuzzy Man in Her Majesty's Secret Cervix # 26 by Smarmulus 9-18-02

Secretary of State Ass Canal, you keep refering to weapons of mass destruction. Can you offer any proof? The US has conclusive evidence that Iraq has recently purchased a large supply of centrifuges. Centrifuges are essential for the manufacture of nuclear weapons. Allow me to show you our photographic evidence. Sir, that is a photograph of a simple hospital centrifuge used to seperate white blood cells from red blood cells. Proof of the evil of the Iraqi regime. Why must red and white be seperated. It's discrimination at it's worst.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka