Sunday by crabby 1-08-06

Honey, do you think you could clean out the garage so my parents can move in? Why would yur parents be moving into my sanctum? That is where I plan out all my short comings and post them for neighbors to read. I realize how important all that is to you, but Dad just lost his job after that slip up about the miners. What is this slip up you speak of? He broke stellar news of survival the man has been parading around his heroship. Well, it turns out those miners were actually dead. Why must your family always resort to shock tactics for attention?

Sunday by crabby 1-08-06

So, can you clean that garage? I am afraid this is an impossible task. How dare you ask me to perform tasks on Sunday. This is a holy day. So that means you can't do anything at all? Well? I am trying to remember what I learned at biblical studies camp as a child.

Sunday by crabby 1-08-06

Maybe if you do what I ask nicely I'll do what you ask later tonight. I ask that you kill your parents with the quickness. Their continued existence on this planet is causing me to perform work. I don't think you realize what I'm saying. I do not think your brain is comprehending how much I do not want to clean that garage. I was talking about sexual acts. I'm fucking bacon. I got no cock!

Sunday by crabby 1-08-06

Thank you for cleaning the garage. I didn't actually clean it, I payed off some local negroes to clean it up for me. Thats kind of racist. They were paid a fair wage. How much did you pay them? Standard negroe fair if I do believe so.

Sunday by crabby 1-08-06

Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but Dad passed away. He won't be moving in with us. That is amazing news. Perhaps your mother can move in and live in our bed. I would enjoy watching you two make love. Mom died too, Dad shot her in the face and then killed himself. Thats really a shame. I'm sorry to hear that. Several hours later. Honey, it turns out Dad didn't actually die. Mom died from the Shot to the face, but Dad didn't kill himself. He wants to know if you can help him move in tomorrow?

Monday by crabby 1-09-06

Son, I want to thank you for your hospitality. It really means alot that you would let me move into your garage. Well, to tell you the truth. I'm just worried you'll murder me. You know, like you murdered your wife. Are you cheating on me too? I didn't even know we were dating.

Monday by crabby 1-09-06

Honey, it really means alot to me that you let Dad move in with us. Yeah, well I was worried he might shoot me in the face if I said no. You shouldn't be afriad of Dad, he's really a kind soul once you get down to it. He killed your mother. Yeah, but other than that he's a good guy. I wonder how he feels about killing his daughter.

Monday by crabby 1-09-06

The bathroom doesn't have a handicapped asscessible toilet. I'm afraid thats a health code violation. No one who lives here is handicapped. Yet. Excuse me? I have cancer? I hpe its one of the funny cancers.

Monday by crabby 1-09-06

Honey we need to talk. Dad has cancer, I'm afraid we're going to have to build a new bathroom. Is it funny cancer? Its lung cancer. Are you sure its not rectal cancer? Positive. Fine, I'll call a plumber in the morning.

Monday by crabby 1-09-06

So how much for you to kill my fathe in-law? For one hundred thousand I can kill him so it can never be traced back to you. You twenty bucks I can run him over with my car. I got five dollars. I can give you this here syringe and you can kill him your self. Deal. I'll mail it to you.

I love surprise endings. This series made me snort, then choke, then cough, then take a drink of soda. A-.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

Tuesday by crabby 1-10-06

Manuel, my daughter has asked me to kill you. I just thought that you should be aware of this new involvement. Funny thing about that is that I've been planning to murder you all along. Funny thing about that is you don't even know how to jurder anyone. Funny thing about that is that I'm having an HIV infected syringe mailed to me right now. Funny thing about that is that I'm sure it was shipped USPS and who knows when its going to get here. I on the other hand have the means to kill you right now. Thats not so funny.

Tuesday by crabby 1-10-06

Don't worry, I'm not going to murder you. I'm still grateful that you cleaned out the garage for me. You're an awful father. Thats the exact ind of talk I don't want filling this home. Thats why I've paid for you to move somewhere else and assume a new life on your own. I'll tell Bernice that I murdered you. That seems really inolved. Couldn't you just tell her you aren't into murdering people in cold blood? And have her think I'm a pussy? I don't think so. He has a point.

Tuesday by crabby 1-10-06

All the arrangements have been made. After you take Bernice out for your anniversary tonight I'll kidnap you in your sleep and ship you off to your new home. Are you sending me to sunny Boston? Or someplace else as equally extravagent? I'm afraid I can't tell you where I'm shipping you. Its not Boston.

Tuesday by crabby 1-10-06

Honey, I just want you to know how happy you make me. I would never ask a family member to murder you. Thats an odd thing to say. I mean it though. I would never ask MY blood thirsty father to kill you in your sleep. Your father is dead. Are you making some sort of cryptic allusion? I have no idea what you're talking about.

Tuesday (With one panel of Wednesday) by crabby 1-10-06

Well, the good news is that I'm shipping you Fed-Ex Overnight so you'll arrive at your new home bright and early. The bad news is I'm going to knock you unconscience and stick you in a box. Seems fair. Early Wednesday.... My head is killing me, where am I? THIS.........IS MEDIEVAL TIMES!!!!!!!

I find this series quite enjoyable

Bonus points for spelling medieval correctly.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

It's all good so far.