Beelzebub by LuckyGuess 1-28-06

In many cultures, Beelzebub is believed to be the ruler of Hell. Incorrect. The name was coined when a demon named Beelzebub was exorcised from a young girl in the mid 1820's. Historically, the name has always existed as a lesser servant of Lucifer, one that means "Lord of the Flies." A book was later written by William Golding that shared the name. It was about the innate evil in all humans. His influence can still be seen today. This book they assigned for summer reading is a peice of shit. AP English can go fuck itself. The only thing I want to read is the heating instructions on my Hot Pockets.

The EPA and Friends by LuckyGuess 1-24-06

Nate, you have to help me out. I'm putting off breaking up with this girl! Why? Her friends scare me. Are they karate masters? Butch? Bodybuilders? Gang members? They belong to the Environmental Protection Agency. May God have mercy on your soul.

LuckyGuess Goes to Narnia by LuckyGuess 1-23-06

What the hell? Welcome to Narnia. My name is Pattimo, the war elephant. I don't remember war elephants in the book. Is this part of the film? Doesn't matter. The pot smoke from the row behind you called you here. I could be Geraldo Rivera for all you know. Geraldo Rivera actually lives in Narnia, though. We don't tolerate back talk in the magical kingdom of Narnia.

Powerball by LuckyGuess 1-24-06

You have {1} new message. Please let this be someone to talk to. POWERBALL! Win over 4 MILLION dollars INSTANTLY!!!!! I guess that works. Dear Powerball Lottery, how was your day? Want to go out for lunch sometime? Hit me back. -Lucky

Coppers by LuckyGuess 1-14-06

I've got a 420 and a 10-7. Oh. You know what that means, right? No. Neither do I. Let's go to Krispy Kreme.

I don't think 10-7 actually means anything.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

One more.

Grade C Restaurants by LuckyGuess 1-27-06

Great news! After carefully inspecting the restaurant, the Health Department has decided to give you a "C!" Isn't that great? You get to put it in your window and everything! Aren't you excited? This steak is a little too tender. I'm going to call a waiter. Try and refrain. The trail of human organs leading to the kitchen tells me that you are eating the best steak you've ever tasted.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

Intelligent AND funny.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

10-7 means "out of service," so basically he said he was going to smoke pot on his break.

coppers is gooood

I agree

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

Today was club rush day. This is more or less how it actually went, minus the robot.

Club Rush Day by LuckyGuess 1-30-06

Will you be joining "Herd 4 Him?" "Herd 4 Him?" What the hell is that? Don't take the lord's name in vain! I said "Hell." Is the lord's name "Hell?" You're gonna GO to hell! This was certainly productive.

Club Rush Day by LuckyGuess 1-30-06

Join the "Elk Grove Rednecks!" Why? You live in Elk Grove, so you must be a redneck! Sign up! I actually consider myself an intellectual rather than a so-called 'redneck.' We shoot things every Saturday! I think we're done here.

Club Rush Day by LuckyGuess 1-30-06

Join the Junior EPA! We help protect local wildlife and save the planet! That sounds admirable. Tell me more. Why would you need me to tell you more? We save helpless animals and Mother Earth. I... uh... How about I burn down your fucking house with some homemade napalm? Will that convince you, you fucking dick? I have to go to the bathroom and clean the inside of my pants. If you'll excuse me.

Club Rush Day by LuckyGuess 1-30-06

Join the Black Student Union! Nevermind. That's what I thought.

Club Rush Day by LuckyGuess 1-30-06

Join the Robotics club! Sorry, but I'm not very skilled with software design. WHERE - DO - YOU - THINK - YOU - ARE - GOING? Tell me more.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old