Remember in THE FLY when Jeff Goldblum crawls across the ceiling and says to Geena Davis, "Help me...help me be human."
In this contest, I have a different, yet equally urgent request. I want you to "Help me...help me annoy Paris Hilton."
Because I hate Paris Hilton. No matter what she does to publicly humiliate herself, like getting up onstage at a club to lip-synch her "hit song" and then throwing up, she always comes out of it with that same smug, spoiled little smirk that says "I'm better than you because my daddy's richer than God and my shit not only doesn't stink, but you'd eat a mile of it while crawling naked over broken glass just to kiss my adorable, puckered asshole."
GRRRRRRR!!! I hate Paris Hilton. So I want you to use all your powers...and all your skills...to create such humiliating pictures of her that if she saw them...it would momentarily annoy her. Yes, I realize that momentary annoyance is just about the only reaction I could possibly hope for, because any reaction beyond that would necessitate actual depth. And even that requires the most extreme images imaginable, which I have no doubt that you can create.
Place her into horrible situations dripping with irony. Alter her physical appearance so that she can't pose for any more "I'm so beautiful" pictorials with her weaselly face and stick-horse body for her inferiors (namely, "everybody") to whack off to. Do something so utterly disgusting with her pictures that she would experience a brief, passing disturbance in the Force.
Help me...help me annoy Paris Hilton.
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=paris+hilton
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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.
