T-Bone by biped 1-02-07

Excuse me...aren't you the famous "T-Bone" Wilson? No, I am not. Well...what good are you, then? NO!!! Whew. Somebody just tried to kill me because I wasn't "T-Bone" Wilson. You mean you're NOT "T-Bone" Wilson? I want a divorce.

Crab Legs by biped 1-13-07

Excuse me...aren't you "Crab Legs" Burford? No, ma'am, I'm afraid not. Well, if you ARE "Crab Legs" Burford...and you're just pretending NOT to be to avoid your fans...then FUCK YOU. Whew. Some old lady just said "EFF YOU" to me just because I wasn't "Crab Legs" Burford. You mean you're NOT "Crab Legs" Burford? I hate you, Dad.

Flendo Jessnurt by biped 2-07-07

Excuse me--aren't you Flendo Jessnurt? No! NO! NO!!! Grrr! People keep mistaking me for someone else. First it was "T-Bone" Wilson...then "Crab Legs" Burford...and now, some fellow named "Flendo Jessnurt." I'm sick and tired of-- You mean you AREN'T Flendo Jessnurt? Oh, my god--I've been living in the wrong house. Meanwhile... I wonder where in the hell my wife is? I haven't seen her for three years. HIT IT, FLENDO! ONE, TWO, THREE--

The Mistaken Identities Of Brad Schwartz 1 by biped 2-07-07

CAPTAIN SCHLESSINGER! WHERE IN THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? WE'RE ALMOST READY FOR TAKEOFF! But, I-- I think there's been some mistake. I am not "Captain Schlessinger." My name is Brad Schwartz. Ook! Ook! EEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEE! How is the "astro-chimp" training experiment progressing, Captain Schlessinger? Look, sir--I'm afraid I simply don't know what you're talking about. I am Brad Schwarz.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Mistaken Identities Of Brad Schwartz 2 by biped 2-07-07

"...and so, this vile impostor, who calls himself 'Brad Schwartz', has single-handedly set the entire space program back at least 20 years..." Look, Mommy! It's Flendo Jessnurt! Why, "T-Bone"? WHY? I've smashed all your records-- Oh, good grief--I am neither this "T-Bone" Wilson nor a famous astronaut. I am Brad Schwartz. BRAD SCHWARTZ. Yo, "Crab Legs." Now bout dem hoes you wanted Friday night-- Please leave me alone before my pastor sees us together.

The Mistaken Identities Of Brad Schwartz 3 by biped 2-07-07

Well, Mr. Schwartz...how does it feel to currently be the most infamous man in America? (sigh) At least now, maybe people will know who I really am, and stop mistaking me for other people. Well, here it is...my future home. After the election, that is, heh-heh. Barack Obama... the first black President. You'll be the most famous man in the world. Today, I got five "T-Bones", seven "Crab Legs", eleven "Flendo Jessnurts", sixteen "Captain Schlessingers", and 214 "Barack Obamas." Shut up and ravish me like the whore that I am, Mr. President.

The Mistaken Identities Of Brad Schwartz (epilogue)

Look, Miss Lewinsky, I keep telling you--I am Brad Schwartz. Well...I'd better blow you anyway, just in case.

by biped, 2-07-07

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

These comics reminded me I could laugh. Rated GOOD.

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

Thanks!  I've been saving my response to your post for when it would best serve as a timely bump.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

This one is part of another set, "Biff's Exciting Near-Brush With Fame."  http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/biped/sets/biffbrushwfame/

Biff's Exciting Near-Brush With Fame -- Epilogue by biped 11-12-09

Excuse me--aren't you Hideki Matsui, the famous Japanese baseball player who helped the Yankees win the World Series? No, I am not. If you look carefully, sir, you'll see that I am a black man. Holy shit--how did it happen? Sorcery? Did you offend some evil gypsies? NO!!! (sigh) You won't believe this. Some terribly misguided person just mistook me for Hideki Matsui. You mean you're NOT Hideki Matsui? No wonder you have such a grotesquely large penis.

This is a new one:

Brad Schwartz in: "Yet Another Mistaken Identity" by biped 2-24-11

Excuse me, aren't you "Johnny Woof-Woof, the man who owns a million puppies"? No, I am not. My name is Brad Sch-- I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOUR NAME IS, YOU NON-BEING-JOHNNY-WOOF-WOOF MOTHER FUCKER!!! Sir, there is NO NEED to shout at me like that! Whew! Some delusional hothead just mistook me for "Johnny Woof-Woof, the man who owns a million puppies." Wait--you mean you're NOT "Johnny Woof-Woof, the man who owns a million puppies"? I'm aborting the twins.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

As always, biped, you have surpassed yourself.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Thank you for saying that I did that.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Return of Brad Schwartz by biped 3-16-11

Say--aren't you Charles Manson, the infamous ringleader of a cult of murderous hippies back in the late 60s? Okay, first of all... Charles Manson is a very old crazy white man. I am a middle-aged sane black man. Second of all, my name is-- Oh, so this is some weird new scheme for starting Helter Skelter? By posing as a black guy and, like, committing a string of heinous-- No, NO, NOOO!!! Believe it or not, some totally uncomprehending near-moron just mistook me for Charles Manson. You mean you're NOT Charles Manson? Now I can finally invite Mother over to meet our children.

The Return of Brad Schwartz 2 by biped 3-16-11

What do you mean, our "children"? We only have one child...our son, Brad junior. You mean I'm NOT the mother of multiple children? Then all those baby showers must have been for other women. What's eating you, Brad? You look like your wife just mistook you for Charles Manson or something, ha ha-- She did. Plus, she also thinks that she is the mother of several children who do not exist. Guess what, Mother? My husband isn't really Charles Manson. So now you can come over for dinner and meet the kids. You mean I'M your mother? Oh my god, I thought we were Chinese.

The Return of Brad Schwartz 3 by biped 3-16-11

So, Tito--how do you happen to know my daughter, Wai Ching Yun? Well, because we've been married for 17 years. And another thing... You mean he's NOT Tito Jackson? I feel violated. Let's get out of here before the nut kills us all. I just came by to get my basketball, Fake Impostor Non-Dad. Tell your mom to come back home, son. For the sake of the children.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I don't know how you keep doing it, but you do.  Bravo.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I just stop taking my medication until they withhold my kitty cat privileges.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.