Oh well. Instead of making proper, funny strips, I have too often resorted to crap student humour of the "hey! do you remember..." variety. Which is especially ironic since I'm not a student. The worst offenders are my Transformers series, which started innocently enough, like this...

Transformers! by kramer_vs_kramer 9-21-01

Pah! Puny Optimus Prime. I, the Mighty Megatron, will destroy you! Not so fast Megatron. I will defeat you with my cunning transformation. KER-TRANS-FORM! Megatron is unimpressed. That reminds me, I must phone my mum.

More than meets the eye! by kramer_vs_kramer 9-30-01

Damn it Optimus Prime, must you always try to foil my plans? Your evil must not go unpunished Megatron. Now prepare to face my mighty transformation! KER-TRANS-FORM! What the hell is that meant to be? I... don't know.

Trukk not munky by kramer_vs_kramer 10-10-01

Megatron! Your infernal schemes will come to nothing as long as I live. You're too late this time Optimus Prime. In but three seconds I will enslave every puny earthling on this planet. Oh no! What fiendish transformation do you have this time? KER-TRANS-FORM! Nooooo! Hello, and welcome to QVC- the shopping channel.

For all your erotica needs by kramer_vs_kramer 10-17-01

There doesn't seem to be anyone around. Seems like a perfect time to rob this pornography shop. Not so fast- evildoer! Optimus Prime! But what are you doing in this dirty book shop? Eh, well, um...

No, the true horrors were yet to come...

Feverish mumblings of a diseased mind. by kramer_vs_kramer 10-17-01

Sake mon this dobber squirrel gettin' booted tae. This is ma bacardi breezer drinkin' spot ya bas. No so fast! Whit the-? KER-TRANS-FORM! Decepticons! That's right kid. Now hand over the booze!

The invasion continues... by kramer_vs_kramer 10-17-01

Isn't it a lovely sunset? I'm so glad you could come out tonight with me and Mittens. It's always nice to have company. Wine? - Bzzt! - What the- ? KER-TRANS-FORM! Decepticons! That's right, Dr K! Now gimme that wine! All of it!

Infiltration. by kramer_vs_kramer 10-17-01

Of course I love you. I'll leave my wife, I promise you. Love you. No, really, I do. She means nothing to me, the slag. You're the one for me, honest. Stop right there! Huh? KER-TRANS-FORM! Decepticons! That's right, bud! I've been recording all your calls, and if you don't give me the keys to the liquor cabinet right now, I'm telling your wife everything!

Two Kramer recurring themes in one. by kramer_vs_kramer 10-17-01

Hi Tricky, I'm just here to sort out the rider for your tour. You're teetotal, right? So no alcohol for you. Fnnnng! Brrrrm! Grrrrr! Mrrrrrrrrr! Huh? Tricky? KER-TRANS-FORM! Decepticons! Correct, bucko! Now- teetotal shmeetotal. Make with the booze, fleshling!

You may be spotting a theme to today's comics. by kramer_vs_kramer 10-17-01

-Sigh- another day of standing about being the defaults nearly over, and then we can go to the pub and get hammered. Mmm, can't wait. Hey! What's going on? You know you're not allowed to move until 5.30. KER-TRANS-FORM! Decepticons! Spot on, girly! Now sod waiting til 5.30- you're taking me to the pub NOW! And you're getting the first round in.

Cowboy Physics by kramer_vs_kramer 10-18-01

One day at the ranch... So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha ha! -bzzt! - Crivvens! What's going on? KER-TRANS-FORM! Decepticons! You got it, mate! Now gimme that horse, I've got a hankerin' for some lovin' tonight! And get me some booze!

This is rapidly turning into Kramer's "Moh!" by kramer_vs_kramer 10-19-01

...yes, I did turn all that water in to wine. Does that answer your question, child? Yes Jesus. Wow you certainly -bzzt!- are great. Holy-! KER-TRANS-FORM! Decepticons! Damn right beardo. Now, I've got a tanker of water over there. Get to work!

Decepticons- an interlude by kramer_vs_kramer 10-23-01

How goes your mission? Are you striking fear into the fleshlings in preparation for our conquering of the planet? It goes well, mighty Megatron. I am infiltrating the human settlements and causing destruction and mayhem. Yes... about that. I sent you to destroy buildings, cause havok and generally destroy, maim and terrorise. Yes. And... You appear to instead have collected a large supply of 472,000 gallons of various alcoholic drinks. First dibs on the Smirnoff!

Two for the price of one. by kramer_vs_kramer 10-24-01

Help! I'm stuck down this hole with only this bottle of meths to drink! Hold on buddy, I'll rescue you. What's going on up there? KER-TRANS-FORM! Decepticons! Got it in one, bucko. Now shut up and let me rescue that bottle. I hate seeing good booze in peril.

[Click to view comic: 'The world was hers and then']

We dare you to mean a single word you say by kramer_vs_kramer 11-01-01

How goes my evil masterplan? Well, O Mighty Megatron, I have managed to capture 463 cans ofspecial brew, 3314 kegs of ale, 57 gallons of vodka, 712 gallons of wine, 56 tankers full of gin... ... 312 gallons of tequila, 223412 litres of Guiness, a large swimming pool full of cognac, 341 bottles of Aftershock, reservoir full of cider, 1,000,000 pints of beer, 263000 gallons of whisky... Yes, but have we taken over the world yet? Who cares? Let's all get pissed!

Phew.

I just discovered this on the front page.

Weirdness on a Saturday Afternoon by shadow77 6-02-01

Not so fast! It ppears as though I have won, Jesus. You are doomed! Ha HA! WHAAAT? Transformers: Robots in Extremely Clever Disguise Meet Optimessiah Prime! Nooooo! Damn you, Autobots!

Optimessiah Prime!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.