The Adventures of Peanuts van Gelder III -- 1 by biped 1-04-09

Well, Peanuts--with your parents' death, the company is yours. Now, about the transferral of those stock certificates-- I want them all transferred into my butthole. Your...butthole? Yes, to see what they feel like when they are all inside my butthole. ...into his butthole. Well, join us tomorrow as our new series, "What Peanuts Totally Fucked Up Today" continues. "Gosh! I like this new feeling."

The Adventures of Peanuts van Gelder III -- 2 by biped 1-04-09

Now, about the big new ad campaign. I was thinking 1,000 billboards, each with an enormous picture of-- I know! My BUTTHOLE! No...no...you see, this is a vitally important and extremely costly-- I can't wait to see what my thirty-foot-tall butthole looks like! Hooray! HOLY SHIT!!! IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?!? OH MY GOD, IT'S A GIANT BUTTHOLE!!! YAAAAAAAA!!!

The Adventures of Peanuts van Gelder III -- 3 by biped 1-04-09

...and so, I'll be auditioning supermodels all day today, in order to choose 2009's "The New Face of Van Gelder Enterpri-- Nope, I already picked "The New Face of Van Gelder Enterprises" last night! Guess what? IT'S MY BUTTHOLE!!! Look, uh, we... should really choose a beautiful, err...woman... Now millions of people will see my high-definition butthole all during the Super Bowl! "Hi, everybody! I'm Peanuts! Look at my BUTTHOLE!" WHAT THE FUCK?!?

The Adventures of Peanuts van Gelder III -- 4 by biped 1-04-09

...from now on, my butthole is the new CEO of Van Gelder Enterprises. I will pull my pants down and bend over when you need to consult with my butthole. Randall? I am now, henceforth...first executive assistant...to Peanuts' butthole. And now, it's time to..."Meet My Butthole"! I'll just pull my pants down... (CRUNCH) GO, CYANIDE CAPSULE, GO!!! URK!!! Randall was a wonderful first executive assistant to my butthole. Well then, let's all remember him that way for the rest of eternity.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

It was the "Go, Cyanide Capsule, Go!" that really made this series go zing! for me.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Yes, that is so often true of real life as well.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.