Many of my fellow Americans have no doubt heard of a distant and exotic land called "Canada". Many misconceptions surround this largely unexplored expanse of hostile, frigid tundra. Many of you perhaps believe that Canadians just walk around in flannel shirts and suspenders all day whistling Celine Dion tunes. For the most part, this is true. But there is a dark side, an untrustworthy "something about them" which cannot be ignored.

For example, did you know that most "Canadian bacon" is not even made from real Canadians?

And in Canada, there is no sun for six months out of every year. That Canadians thrive in such darkness says much about the national character.

Mysterious masses of frigid air bear down on us from the Great White North each winter, creating icy havok on our bridges and roads. The Canadian government consistently refuses to address this issue.

Canadians don't celebrate the 4th of July. Hmmm...

Apologists are always ready with facile explanations for each of these startling facts. Still, they add up to an alarming picture. And here is the kicker... there could be a Canadian in your very midst and you might not even realize it. This is because they have the ability to seem almost normal when it suits them. But then when your back is turned they will start speaking French or forming into sketch comedy troups.

In conclusion, I do not trust Canada and feel that it should probably be ejected from the union.

Thank you.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Mwhahahahahaha!!

[Click to view comic: 'They're Unstoppable!']

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Almost no one is still alive who remembers this, but during the last Ice Age, the Glaciers invaded from Canada and conquered most of the northern United States!

And let's not forget that Canada has tried on more than one occasion to come between the mainland U.S. and the state of Alaska.

Very sinister, if you ask me.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Ok, here we go. I live in Canada and the reason you see us as people wearing flannel shirts and whistling Celine Dion tunes is because that is what American T.V. is telling you. We actually wear the same stuff as Americans, we *hate* Celine Dion as much as you, we have MORE sunlight during the year than you,(because during the summer in N.W.T the sun never goes down, and Canadians are smarter by 5% adult literacy rate. How many of you people have actually been to Canada? It is ALOT safer to live here, and it is not as polluted. The only reason the U.S. is tougher is because there is more of you. And Canadian girls look better than american.

We celebrate July 1st. We come before you. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

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{insult}
joshw being from Canada... well, that really says it all now, doesn't it? Break out the nukes!
{/insult}

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Tiems have changed!
Our kids are getting worse!
They won't obey their parents,
They just want to fart and curse!

Should we blame the government,
Or blame society,
Or should we blame those idiots on TV?

No!
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
It seems like everything has gone wrong
Since Canada came along.
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
They're not even a real country anyway.

(Matt and Trey were robbed of that fucking Oscar!)

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

You do know that if we bomb Canada, we lose stripcreator, seeing as Brads Canadian.

Just a thought.

"Ok, here we go. I live in Canada..."

So, you do admit it!

"...and the reason you see us as people wearing flannel shirts and whistling Celine Dion tunes is because that is what American T.V. is telling you."

God bless American TV: source of all truth and knowledge. If it weren't for American TV, I would be all but ignorant of the world at large. I wouldn't know that Australians drive SUVs across the outback all day in search of crocodile pelts for thier hat-bands and Fosters beer coolers, or that Buckingham Palace is the cultural center of Britain.

"{Canadian propoganda deleted}... And Canadian girls look better than american."

Oo-la-la. Must be that French influence.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

YA SEE? YA SEE? An American could not have made a site as good as stripcreator. And for all the wise-asses out there an American could not have made it better

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:\

I had a Canadian lecturer once and he really did say "aboot".

I had a Canadian lecturer once.

He was a nice bloke, but he talked so... slowly...

he left a one or two second pause between every word. I wish I was exaggerating.

His name was Bob... Moore.

"I'm not a Yank... I'm... Canadian."

When he was delivering a lecture he talked even more slowly. Amazing...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

On the Fark.com news board recently, it was announced that Montreal would soon lose their baseball franchise, to which I (sarcastically) replied:

What do you expect? Stupid Canucks couldn't support a basketball team, either. Good. Now Elvis's home town has a franchise, and it's about damn time. Let those pesky papist froggies have that other game with the ice skates where they hit each other with sticks like a bunch of barbarians hopped up on crack.

To which someone replied:

[i]Boorite - don't open your mouth until you know what the deal is. Vancouver didn't fail in the NBA because of the fans. The fans were intelligent. They knew a sham of a team when they saw one.

Vancouver failed because the ownership farked up, and the people running the team farked up. And the xenophobic NBA players (much like you) can't appreciate a place that may be different. Too farking bad.[/i]

To which I said:

I didn't mean to imply that Vancouver failed because of the fans. I meant to imply that Vancouver failed because those Canadians are too brain-damaged from skating around and whacking each other over the head with sticks whilst taunting each other in French to appreciate a real American sport like basketball.

Someone else:

Uh, Boorite, basketball was invented in Canada.

Me again:

That is another heinous Canadian lie, proving once again that our neighbors to the north are constitutionally incapable of telling the truth. Basketball was invented in Springfield, Massachusetts, by James Naismith, who was born in Canada but wisely fled that frozen Hell in search of asylum from the Canadian terror and oppression that ruled his boyhood. Next you'll be saying Canadians invented ice cream and beer and oral sex. Canadians will not stop until they have pasted their hateful maple leaf on every surface in America, claiming it as their own.

To which someone replied that they were "sick of anti-Canadian sentiment," prompting me to ask "So when will you stop harboring terrorists?" That actually got me a serious and carefully reasoned reply. Then I gave up.

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What others say about boorite!

::throws up hands::
Just look in the news! didnt you see "Canadian Bacon" or "Strange Brew"? You know Peter Jennings and William Shatner are Canadian? My God, destroy them before its too late!!!

Bring all the Canadian chicks to America, then nuke the fucking hell out of the rest of them.

Which cuts off most of your oil and lumber supply. Smooth move, dumbass.

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Oh yes. We get all our oil from Canada. Mmmhm. And our lumber.

You all forget Canada's most deadly weapon: the ability to export annoying celebrities.

It's true. You don't think we actually listen to Celine Dion, do you? Oh no, it's all piped directly to you Americans. And the number of Canadian celebrities who are living in Hollywood right now, waiting for the order to attack, would simply blow your mind.

Worst of all, if any action is taken against us, we WILL send joshw to America. Let that be a warning.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Wait a second.. does Toronto count in all this? Coz as far as I'm concerned Toronto is NOT Canada. It's in Canada, but it's NOT Canada.

Speaking of bad Canadian exports:
[b]Celine Dion
Norm McDonald
Sum 41
Tom Green (And I used to love this guy)
Alanis Morisette
Quebec
[/b]

[i]Celine Dion
Norm McDonald
Sum 41
Tom Green (And I used to love this guy)
Alanis Morisette
Quebec[/i]

Tom Green seems normal enough.
The rest of them are just weird.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

As far as blatant rip-off artists who stole their complete thing from Blink 182 and The Beastie Boys go, Sum 41 are okay. :)

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Spot on Iron Maiden impression. Not really my thing, but I'll jump up and down to them if it comes on in a club.

We celebrate July 1st. We come before you. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Bastards!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

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Wait a second.. does Toronto count in all this? Coz as far as I'm concerned Toronto is NOT Canada. It's in Canada, but it's NOT Canada.

Speaking of bad Canadian exports:
[b]Celine Dion
Norm McDonald
Sum 41
Tom Green (And I used to love this guy)
Alanis Morisette
Quebec
[/b]

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god i can't watch another fuckin' re run of "so, i married an axe murderer" god i hate mike myers!!

i heard osama bin ladin's canadian

Perhaps I'm saying this out of total nerdism, but every single time I play Risk, the person owning the Canadian spaces really gains nothing from it, except constantly getting rammed by Russians and Brits, and on occasion the red white and blue goodness of America. Always own Ural. Always.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic